I understand. I am struggling with some similar feelings, but for me it is less than one year so I am still giving it some time.
Althea posted a nice bit of advice in Reconciliation Forum:
I wonder if you have read it. She talks about working on healing ourselves. This is something I need to think about some more, about my walls and how it is affecting R, and how it affected our relationship even before D-Days.
You mention it is mostly about you. Yes, we all have our issues, and I think successful R needs us to address these. It's very hard and is made even harder by dealing with the betrayal. I don't have anything useful to add, but I will think about it some more.Me: BW, 36
Him: WH, 36
Married 13 years
2 children aged 9 and 5
DD #1 26 August 2013 - EA on FB and phone with a former flame OW#2 for about 8 months
DD #2 30 April 2014 - EA/PA for 10 months in 2011 with OW#1
Hoping for R