How do I show feeling and emotion?
I have serious FOO issues. I am working with IC. I have hid my feeling for my whole life. throughout books we have read, and my IC. They tell me to let myself feel. I try, I even try to give myself permission. But I have a very hard time crying. I feel like crying and occasionally, a few tears fall (this is progress) I feel like crying often, but I just can't. I hope somebody has gone through this and can share some words of wisdom with me.
Many thanks in advance.
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
That's a tough one because I had no problem showing emotion...good, bad and everything in between.
My H and I had deep conversations nightly for over 2 years so we always knew what each other was thinking and feeling.
I wish I had an answer for you but I think it's very encouraging that you're here asking for help
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Best of luck.
I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!
Good for you for taking this on.
An interviewer once asked me if I could sum up everything I know about psychology in ten words or less. I said, "Hell, I can do it in two words: People cope." --Mira Kirshenbaum
This was not something we jumped into, it really was something that had to be learned from scratch. And just to clarify a few words from your post, don't try to feel... just do! For your feelings to be true and authentic, it's important to learn to allow yourself to just be! Come into IC prepared with a list of goals you would really like to achieve. Let the IC know just how important that learning to access and express your feelings really is to you and your partner. Getting to the root of why you have such difficulty in the "feelings department" is so very important to learning how live authentically! Best of luck to you!
I have learned that I compartmentalize because it easy to not show or express how I feel and not have it thrown back in my face.
this rings so true to me. my mother is narcissistic personality and preyed on my vulnerability even at a very young age.
In order to show true emotion and to "learn" how to cry, you're first going to need to learn how to feel emotions. This is such a difficult thing to do! I spent so many years hiding and stuffing my feelings that it got to the point where the only one I could feel was anger.
This sounds so much like me. I learned that I had 3 emotions: happy, indifference, and angry. I have found so many other feelings now. But after looking at the feelings wheel I guess I have a long way to go.
Sometimes I feel like crying, and want to cry to let it out. In the past letting it out was a verbal rage filled with yelling. But most of the time I just cannot cry. My eyes will tear up, but the tears will not fall.
I am working hard on just "being" and living a life of continuity.
Thanks everyone for your responses.
Remember healing is not a linear process. Along the way you will find many bumps and turns, setbacks and small victories.
I've been in IC for about 4 1/2 years now, but did not really start being honest about my feelings until maybe fall 2012, after my final (of very many) dday. Now when I'm in IC and start to cry, and then articulate what it is I'm actually feeling, IC congratulates me for (1) allowing myself the cry, and (2) being able to pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling. See, it's taken me about a year and a half to get to the point where I can express myself emotionally, but through this ongoing journey I've learned to own and embrace that feeling instead of trying to suppress it.
You can do this, just remember to be patient and kind to yourself and remember that you are doing this for yourself first, regardless of the outcome.