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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WS tells me deal with it you wanted to know!
sparkle09
♀ Member
Member # 41901
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its been a while since I posted. We have been making progress lately..well I have. My husband swings back and forth (he is bipolar). When I am angry like today..he blames me knowing details. He repeatedly tells me its my fault for wanting to know everything and I need to deal with it. WTF! Today I found out he did drugs with his AP. He would take my pain killers and give her one when they would meet up. This is beyond out of character for him and Im just in shock and angry! Its like when he is confronted with this horrid details (like calling her 210 times in 2013 and 20 times in 3 days when I was 8 months pregnant) he gets so angry at me for knowing the truth! When he calms down he tells me he knows it wrong and he doesn't know how to react and cant believe the things he did and how he is treating me. I am so discouraged. He can be so sweet and gently with me at times and then he just flips and there is no turning back. I am so exhausted emotionally.


Me-33 WS-34
1 year old sweet baby girl that is my world!
Together 15 years Married 5 years
D-day #1 - 12/25/13 TT D-day #2 - 1/3/13 admitted to 3 year affair with co worker
and she gave him a nice present that I now have!

Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2014
FixYou71
♀ Member
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I know there are many details for me that feel like each is its own betrayal. Each has its own significance and its own reason for causing you specific pain.
I hope he is able to find that sympathetic place for you and stay there, for your sake. You deserve to be held and comforted and apologized to. You deserve to have your intense pain heard and validated and not be judged. He needs to understand why we, as BS' s need details. We ask for them even though we know the answers we will get will be excruciating. We only do it because it's the only way we can heal and move forward. Noone WANTS to hear those things. We need the truth. The full story. We need it to see clearly what our past is and what we are up against. A story without details can appear to be a completely different story. The details are the backbone to the story. If your loved one was kidnapped, missing for weeks, found mutilated and murdered, you'd need to fill in the blanks. You'd want to know where and when and how about every moment from the time they went missing. This is fundamental. This is not you being your own punisher by asking. He needs to get this. You need these to process your story. He sees it as HIS story at those times when he is being harsh with you. I pray he transitions to the comforting husband you need him to be and sees your pain in a way he hasn't been able to yet. (((Hugs)))


BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 451 | Registered: Mar 2014
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he gets so angry at me for knowing the truth!

is he in IC. Because this is a bad bad problem. He needs to deal with his shame - or whatever this is - so he can help you heal. Currently, its still all about him.
has he done any reading?


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4683 | Registered: Dec 2010
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sparkle09))) I am sorry. He sounds like he is blameshifting a bit here. Does he seem remorseful at all or no? Bottom line is that you didn't deserve this. He says you will deal with it. Oh no, HE will deal with whatever you dish out and the consequences of HIS actions. Be strong!!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
Filed, but may R after

Posts: 840 | Registered: Dec 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He can be so sweet and gently with me at times and then he just flips and there is no turning back.

This is a very classic abuse cycle. I strongly encourage you read up on this cycle, and understand how it relates to how you are living.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6347 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 5

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