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User Topic: 180 with Child
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are separated and I am pretty sure going to be divorcing. How do I 180 in the meantime with child. I emailed her today stating what I would like to do with my Daughter.

Sorry if I am posting a lot...


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't worry about posting a lot. Post as much as you need to with whatever questions you have.

Since you are separated you should approach communications like you would with a business associate. You only discuss items that you need to discuss. You do it without emotion.

You will have to keep eachother informed on your daughters needs, activities, accomplishments, etc. But it doesn't have to be detailed.

Examples

DD fell and scraped her knee at the park today. We cleaned her up and she seems to be ok. I will keep a watch on it in case an infection does arise.

or

DD has some school events coming up and I wanted you to have the details.
- Band concert Sept 14 7pm gym
- Field trip Oct 1 needs to bring a lunch

When I first got D'ed it was email only. I still do email but if either of needs to we will call at this point. Things are ok enough between us to do that.

[This message edited by MovingUpward at 7:31 AM, June 4th (Wednesday)]


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52535 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. Thank you very much.

Wasn't sure what the appropriate method is with dealing with children.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 7:42 AM, June 4th (Wednesday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep -- everything that Moo said.

Keep things business like -- distant and dispasionate. No info except as it pertains to the kids. (or finances if applicable) I was strictly text and e-mail for 99.99% of communiction (and still am)

If she tries to engage about something other then kids and finances -- *crickets* is your answer (i've just re-learned why this is so improtant)

If you get e-mailed scheduals for kids activties just forward them. (At this point my kids are in elementry school, so told him to add himself to the list-serve, he's on the teachers e-mail list - and any paper docs I get that he needs to know about (report cards, passwords for school sites etc.) I take pictures of the actual papers and just text them to him.

I also don't (unless the kids request it) send updates on anything non-esential -- a scraped knee, or bruse or fight with their brother (unless it's part of a bigger issue) doesn't get any communication at all. Events he should be aware of (open houses who's info has gone out of the list serve etc.) also don't get reminders.

I'm so sorry you are gonig through this. the 180 can be hard in the beginning (very hard) but you will find freedom and strength in the distance you find thorugh it.

[This message edited by brokeninfl at 7:49 AM, June 4th (Wednesday)]


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
Topic Posts: 4

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