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Newest Member: tiredofpain (44925)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New partner - bad sex TMI
boredandtired
♀ New Member
Member # 40201
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've recently got a new boyfriend, we're really into each other, we were best friends before we got together, so we get on great and know each other and how each other click, the relationship is great! It's perfect, until we get into the bedroom!
The foreplay is good, but nowhere near enough of it, and then there's the sex! Whenever we've had sex he cums after seconds of penetration! I don't know what to try, we haven't performed oral on each other, which is one of my favourite things to do, but I'm worried about him cumming to fast and being embarrassed, I want to try different positions with him, just don't know how to approach any of it, because of him cumming so fast. Is there anything we can do to delay him cumming? It's starting to make me want to put off having sex so he isn't as embarrassed about it. I've had three sexual partners including himself, they have all been long term partners, one of two years, another of three and himself, whereas he has had five one night stands, and never had a long term partner. His fast ejaculation has happened every time we've had sex.
I love him to pieces, I just don't know what to do with the sex situation?


D-Day September 6th 2012

Loving girlfriend of two years.


Posts: 14 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United Kingdom
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What if he takes one out of the chamber in advance, so to speak either through oral or manual stimulation.
I don't mind if my partner finishes quickly, so long as he's up for round 2. Is he willing to do another go around?

[This message edited by hurtbs at 6:06 PM, June 4th (Wednesday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15321 | Registered: Jun 2006
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've dated a guy that was like that at first. For probably the first month of having sex, it was over in seconds. I never said anything critical to him, and complimented him on the stuff he was good at. After about a month, it got longer and better. I think guys sometimes put too much pressure on themselves, and then they loosen up once they feel more comfortable.

I would suggest oral, and also suggest doing it again later the same night. Don't be critical. If you say something to him, it makes him think about it more which causes it to be a problem.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Jul 2013
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you don't a guy weighing in. Does he use condoms?


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3797 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I vote for not ending it with him cumming. Schedule your romps in the sack with enough time for him to recover after the initial blast - say 30 minutes, and then resume. He should be able to think of something to do with you for 30 minutes....

Also, nothing wrong with a little oral especially if YOU enjoy it. Let him enjoy the build up and release and then you get yours.

My guess is it will subside after you get more comfortable with each other. Give him time - calendar time, as well as time - in the sack time.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1177 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wrap him up in an extra thick condom.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5815 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
curiouswiz
♀ Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 5:20 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two questions about condoms?? Okay. I had one partner use a condom when I was in my early 20's. I'm sixty now...ugh 61 this month. Anyway, condoms really do reduce the sensation? I ask because I don't know and the one time I (or rather he) used one it broke and I laughed so hard!! it was hilariously wrapped at the base of his penis...He didn't think it was funny. We were in a very long term relationship of about 5 years at the time, it lasted a full 8 years.

So, it does reduce the sensation?


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
curiouswiz
♀ Member
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry I t/j with my last post and didn't respond. I'm with the folks that think you guys just need more time. Spend more time together in bed so that you can both relax. Let him go for a second round after awhile. Or like said above he can take care of himself first then come to bed? Good luck, if he's worth it and worthy try to be patient awhile longer. I also wonder what age he is? Maybe he's not a "seasoned" man?


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

curiouswiz,
So, it does reduce the sensation?
Yes, they can depending on the kind. I once tried a brand that claimed to help men last longer. It actually has a numbing agent, but it worked too well on me. I couldn't feel anything. For other men it might just reduce sensation enough to help them last longer.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3797 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XWH was that way..... what worked for us while dating (before we got married and he got lazy and selfish)was have sex more than once! Wait about 15 or 20 minutes and have sex a second time and I guarantee that he will be able to go longer. My XWH couldn't last but less than 10 seconds after penetration the 1st time but while we dated we went at it like rabbits and it was better. But, once we got married I didn't have an orgasm with him for the full 5 years of marriage (other than our wedding night) Not cool.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think guys sometimes put too much pressure on themselves, and then they loosen up once they feel more comfortable.
^^^Possibly this. For me at least, if I haven't had sex for a LONG time when I do again it take a time or 2 or 3 to get back in the groove. The question I would have about your friend is did he show any interest at all in making sure you were in fact satisfied? If I "underperform" I spend extra time trying to please the woman before and/or after. Also if he truly is inexperienced he just needs more "practice". Which leads me to this...

I vote for not ending it with him cumming. Schedule your romps in the sack with enough time for him to recover after the initial blast - say 30 minutes, and then resume. He should be able to think of something to do with you for 30 minutes....

And this...

What if he takes one out of the chamber in advance, so to speak either through oral or manual stimulation.

Both are good suggestions until he increases his "stamina".


Anyway, condoms really do reduce the sensation?
Yes they do reduce the sensation but considering the alternative, i.e. babies. It's worth the tradeoff to me. also if it breaks he most likely didn't put it on correctly.

ETA: I can't stress this enough. Don't be afraid to tell your SO what you like and don't like. If he is truly interested in having a mutually pleasing experience he will want to know what you like. Don't assume he doesn't know what he is doing. For your body he absolutely may not know what he is doing which is why it helps to tell us. Believe me he won't mind that you are giving him tips on how to please you.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:22 AM, June 5th (Thursday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Current guy and I had a long talk about this before the first time since it had been almost 3 years for him. He was very…nervous/shy/afraid he couldn't satisfy me.

So far, oral first, then he recovers, and off we go. Round 2 has always been great.

The first time I did oral on him, it was so fast I thought he might hyperventilate. Since we had talked about it, we were both very prepared.

You gotta be able to talk to the person you are having sex with ABOUT sex.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4140 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since he hasn't had any partner who have stuck around, it may be he's in the habit of just sprinting to the finish line because he doesn't understand you need more time. He wasn't interested in what his other short term patners needed or wantred cuz their feeling really didn't matter to him.

You’re going to have to explain to him that he's not in a race. A night of lovemaking should be savoured more like a long walk in the wood, followed by a leisurely hill climb, them relaxing moments stargazing lying in the grass at the top of hill.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 634 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with discharging the weapon before the main event kicks off.

cme is right. You should be able to talk to him about it. And yes, in my experience, guys are more than happy to comply when you whisper "Baby, I would LOVE it if you'd do xyz to me..." Heck, I like that, too.

What's sexier than someone who knows that they want... and they want it with you?

[This message edited by wildbananas at 9:05 AM, June 5th (Thursday)]


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15393 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the start/stop method yet. When he gets close, you stop. Try kissing during the stop. Changing positions during the stop. What ever floats your boat until he calms down. Then you start again. Sometimes he may have to withdraw all the way, other times not. He should know how to read his own body. The more he does this, the more he can train himself to hold out longer until eventually, with enough practice, he could go for long periods. The trick is to get over the emabarassment of it by talking about starting and stopping before you begin to have sex.

I recommended this to my wife's best friend ( a woman with a new boyfriend in a similar situation). After a couple of times of trying it, this has become the norm for them and she says she is happy and satisfied.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Ready_to_run
♂ Member
Member # 20954
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have dealt with bouts of this myself in the past and it only gets worse the more anxious you become about it.

The good news is it can TOTALLY be corrected. So don't write this guy off yet because of this...BUT, and I say BUT he is going to have to take action to correct this problem HIMSELF first. In short, He needs to train himself to be able to last longer (solo) before he can expect to be able to control himself with a partner.

Is this something you would feel comfortable talking with him about? As you get to know each other more and learn about this condition a bit you could also assist him in the process...which could actually be kind of fun for you too.

Here is a link to a good program . http://www.risingmaster.com/the-start-and-stop-method-key-to-curing-premature-ejaculation/

As far as I am concerned most of the other suggestions like adding an extra condom or doing it twice are not really good long term solutions. At least they were not for me. I wanted to be able to last longer the FIRST time with no condoms or other gimmicks so the only way to achieve this was to take matters into my own hands. I'm happy to report it worked for me and it can definitely work for him too.


BH
Divorced


Posts: 750 | Registered: Sep 2008
Topic Posts: 16

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