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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: On line dating. I give up.
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so here it goes. As soon as EXH and I broke it off I was on POF and met the worst rebound I ever could have had (see previous posts). So anyways long story short, after seven months of dating this POS I broke it off and swore no more POF for this gal. Its been over a year of not one date, no prospects even, which seemed ok because I had some serious healing to do.

Now lets be clear, I have met men in person its just there seems to be something wrong with each of them. Too young..... too old.... too bald....alcoholic..... does drugs.... one is FWB with my good friend and she is clearly in love with him etc etc etc. As a result, ack in January I decided since meeting a normal human male in person didn't seem possible for me that it was time to join a better OLD site, at least that way I can at least specify what I am looking for.

So I joined eharmony. Paid the $240 for a two year membership. So far I have been "matched" with men of the same quality of all of the above. Not one good potential. A couple looked promising until I brought up the zero tolerance for drugs...then poof! Gone!! Which is a blessing in disguise I suppose if I can weed out the garbage before we even meet.

Now yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back. For the past week I had this handsome doctor sending questions back and forth. He seriously seemed like a wet dream come true. Good looking, had his shit together, seemed normal... then all of a sudden he says "my profile is expiring please email me at (yahoo)". I took the bait and sent a big email. He responded and all of a sudden I realized this guy was a huge scam. He was born in a place here in Alberta that doesn't even exist, said he had no kids but later said he has a daughter, claimed to be from Brazil and recently moved back here. It all seemed extremely fishy to me, so I went back to his replies to my earlier questions, did a copy and paste of the text - put it into Google and sure enough! Copied right off of some other dating profiles!!

Thank goodness I caught on early. I reported him to eHarmony and blocked him from my email. I proceeded to delete my eHarmony profile. I have just had enough. I feel like a giant target for users and abusers. Seriously is there any normal men left out there? Single in my 40's is not the dream life I expected it to be that's for sure. Apparently I am maybe not quite done my healing? Will I ever be normal again or did my EX ruin me for ever having a normal relationship ever again?


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 264 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank goodness I caught on early. I reported him to eHarmony and blocked him from my email. I proceeded to delete my eHarmony profile. I have just had enough. I feel like a giant target for users and abusers. Seriously is there any normal men left out there? Single in my 40's is not the dream life I expected it to be that's for sure. Apparently I am maybe not quite done my healing? Will I ever be normal again or did my EX ruin me for ever having a normal relationship ever again?

I've had this happen to me. I turn 35 in July and will be single now a little over 2+ years. It sucks big time and I can't ever seem to meet real life people in person either. OLD truly sucks....people are not real on there..... at least not the ones I attract. ::sigh:: I think we are normal now....just without a partner. Maybe it just takes more time for one normal person to meet another normal person without issues? At least I would like to hope so!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:17 AM, June 5th (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I'm a few years older than you guys and I have to say it makes me giggle a little bit.

I've lurked on a couple of sites for awhile and all my matches, almost without fail, turn up looking like a casting call for Mr. Magoo.

You're probably young enough to have to look that up.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17706 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Charity411
♀ Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a show called Catfish on MTV that investigates suspicious on line relationships. What I learned from watching that show is that there are simple things you can do when you suspect the person on OLD might not be who they say they are. There is something called Google Image Search. You just click on the picture of the person and drag it to the search bar and if that picture exists anywhere else on the internet it will show you what sites it's on. They almost invariably find that the picture in the scammers profile have been copied from someone else's facebook page or whatever. It's amazing.

Posts: 402 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay... so I don't normally come down into the new beginnings sections, but the OLD threads are sometimes good for a chuckle, so I'll glance at them from time to time.

I've never done OLD (I'm still married... duh) - but, I'd just like to throw out that the way I view those sites is that they are like a search engine. They are a 'tool', for lack of a better term. And I think it comes down to how you use the tool. If you search for something in google and it doesn't show you the page/thing/item that you expected it to, you don't just say "google sucks, this isn't working, I quit google".... no, you modify your search, you change how you use the tool.

So... yeah, I'm sure the OLD thing is a bit odd at times, and it probably does seem like there is no one good out there. Thing is, YOU were on there, and you're a good person, right? So... chances are that there ARE some other "good ones" out there. Perhaps you just need to alter the way you use the tool a little bit... learn the tricks, refine your search, do a rain-dance...

Maybe I just hate to see people give up. That is all. Carry on.


Me: BH, 36
Her: WW, 37
Two girls 8 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 269 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How many guys have you communicated with online? How many have you met? It sounds to me that you've given up far too early in the game.

I'm glad you were able to weed out those who do drugs, since that's a deal breaker for you. And good job recognizing that scammer from Brazil!

I feel like a giant target for users and abusers. Seriously is there any normal men left out there? Single in my 40's is not the dream life I expected it to be that's for sure. Apparently I am maybe not quite done my healing? Will I ever be normal again or did my EX ruin me for ever having a normal relationship ever again?

Users and abusers are out there for all age groups. I ran into plenty of them while I was online dating. You learn signs of what to look out for and you ignore those people. You're doing great at this!! There are normal men out there, you just have to keep your eyes open. I don't see anything from what you've written that you're not ready to date. You *are* normal. You can have a normal relationship!!

So like I asked, how many guys have you actually met? The other possibility is that perhaps your profile is attracting the wrong types of guys based on what you've written. This happens sometimes without you even realizing it! Have you had anyone review your profile?


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4224 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, well... here is an update. I reported the el-creepo to eHarmony and they did their research and removed his profile!! So I was right, he was a total scam artist!! Charity411, I had no idea we could search images, I kind of wish I would have done that with his picture but now it is gone so it is too late!

Little Turtle, you are right maybe I am giving up too soon. I have only gone on a handful of dates. As mentioned, one I dated for 7 months, so this go around with OLD I am much more gun shy. My profile is probably turning men off, but I am who I am and not sure how to change that. The fact I am an emergency responder scares off most men (sad but true). Most men don't want their wives out fighting fire with the boys but hey its who I am and I am not changing for anyone. I am sure I give a huge "F off" vibe without even realizing it. The other issue is that I do not drink, this is not due to me being an alcoholic, rather it is a result of being married to one. Its just not a part of my life anymore. That and I cannot tolerate/metabolize alcohol anymore since I have stopped drinking. I think this also scares off most of the crowd. Men probably think I am a huge prude when they read that I don't drink.

Oh well, single life is suiting me pretty good these days. I don't need a man but it would be nice to date.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 264 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Topic Posts: 7

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