Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Makeitstop85 (44953)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WH talking to women
soconfusednow
♀ Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A group of us were partially blocking a walkway when a woman, walking her dog, came around the corner almost running into us. She said “excuse me” and started to walk around.

My WH said “Don’t worry we are all dog lovers here”

The woman continued walking around us without responding. When she was almost past us, WH started asking questions about her dog, keeping the conversation with her going by asking more and more questions. Completely ignoring the people we were there to see in the first place. Never even noticing how uncomfortable I was becoming with the situation as he asked question after question.

I started wondering if he struck up a conversation that fast with me right there how far would he go if I wasn’t there?

Will I or should I ever be comfortable again with my WH talking to other women?


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have been having a conversation with my H about this behavior. Once they betray you, they lose the right to talk innocently to other women. We now know that they can easily slide down the slippery slope. Until my H got that and showed better judgement, I would be having a discussion about this.

To answer your question about ever feeling comfortable when it comes to them talking to other women....I'm at 3 years out and I don't ever see that happening. He knows it and has adjusted accordingly (at least as far as I can tell).


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 28, 25, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 315 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to discuss this with your H. He has to be aware of his crappy boundaries, and the pain it causes.

In addition yes you can get comfortable with your H talking to women again, when they do it right. Put their arm around you. Introduce you. Include you.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8509 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
MomtoRoses
♀ Member
Member # 42271
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh likes to "rescue" other women and then screw them too. So be careful. But mostly, it just seems really insensitive to be carrying on w/ other women when he KNOWS what he did to you and he wants to make it better.

Sigh, this is so hard.


i'm the bs
he is the wh.
7 ddays: affairs, online activities, ea, pa, longterm pa,longterm ea, one night stands.
I'm the last to know.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2014
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would probably not have had a problem with his first sentence. However, he actively tried to engage her, flirt with her, and pursue her. All of this in front of you. This screams to me, of piss-poor boundaries and disrespect for you. Yeah, you need to address it because if he'll pull that stuff in front of you, you know that he'll do it when you're not around.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
HonoringVows
♀ New Member
Member # 41043
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate....how do you stop the conversation and pull him away from the OW without looking like the poor, desperate, insecure wife?


Me: 45
WH: 56
Married almost 21 years
3 adult children: 24, 19, 18
1st found out July 2010
Found phone calls and texts to/from escorts April 2014
Just Started Counseling

Posts: 16 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: California
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, if all the extra people hadn't been there and it were just them 2 it would have seemed like he were just trying to pick her up, probably engage her enough to get her phone number.

I'm only saying that to validate your discomfort.

Seriously. smh.

I can relate....how do you stop the conversation and pull him away from the OW without looking like the poor, desperate, insecure wife?

I never figured that out.

Will I or should I ever be comfortable again with my WH talking to other women?
I think there is an issue with a lack of respect. I mean you're standing right there! I doubt you'll ever be ok with it.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the biggest problem:
Never even noticing how uncomfortable I was becoming with the situation as he asked question after question.

He needs to tune in.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1962 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Scubachick
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is he usually that interested in dogs?

Posts: 666 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 9

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.