Have you tried EDMR yet? Is it helping with the mind movies? Mind movies really haunt my BS as well.

No I have not. Believe it or not, after sharing my stories here on SI, a few of the "SI elders" shared that tip with me. I don't remember exactly who though. Merlin maybe?

Anyway, I brought EMDR up to my IC on either the first or second appt that I had. She was familiar with it but didn't have a lot of experience in it. She said she was going to look into it more and could be a possibility for us to use. The problem I've had is that I was stuck on my anger so we haven't really had a lot of time to discuss the "mind movies". I've been in a good state with those lately because I've been on a relief high from having a day of reckoning with my mother. I was so concentrated on that situation and my anger that the mind movies have only come up a handful of times in the last few weeks. The mind movies are far more active for me when I'm down and depressed. This is the time that I really have to be careful with them because I can even become disoriented at times. It's definitely nasty stuff. I can lose time because of them sometimes.

I fought the "label" of having PTSD for a long time because I would associate this as something a combat vet would have. Turns out I was very wrong. The mind movies are in fact a symptom of PTSD and going through a trauma. I really thought I had only been through 1 trauma and tried to argue with my IC on that fact. Then she read me back about 14 points from her notes and pointed out that each one was a trauma and contributed to those mind movies and dreams.

Overall I think my IC is not a good one as I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of her. I will probably change in the next month or so.

Hope that helps. Any more questions don't hesitate to ask or pm me. I'm always available even if I don't get to it right away.

yop

I'm two years out and triggers have changed for me. The truth is, I think about the A, the OM, my FWW, all the time. I remember one remarkable event -- I woke up one day and was half way through my shower when I realized I hadn't thought about A yet (maybe 15 minutes). Its hard for me to trigger because the A is already on my mind.

What does happen is my mood goes sour over a while, like over 2 - 6 hours, sometimes even over the span of a day or two. A slow decline. Usually try to keep it to myself and work through it. Sometimes I can't. Those are the times I go to my FWW.

Here's the interesting bit for me. Just one act of affection from her is like the anti-trigger. Just as intense as being punched in the gut, but opposite. Usually I just tell her I'm having a tough day and if she just gives me a hug or something because of that -- its the best darn medicine out there. Instant relief from slow-developing crappy feelings.