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User Topic: am I crossing a line?
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband has an older sister who lives in our neighborhood....she has a 7 yr old DD who is close to my DD. Lately she has been spending a lot of time on the weekends at our house playing with my DD....so much I am starting to feel like she is my second kid.

My SIL is more laidback than I am when it comes to parenting....her DD is allowed to ride her bike around the neighborhood without a parent and she frequently goes from one friends house to another. They dont really make her eat real meals but are more prone to let her snack...she was at my house this past Sunday playing in the kiddie pool with my DD all day ( it was 80 degrees and very sunny) and she came with no sunscreen on and complained when I put it on her.

Both Sunday and tonight (cuz I watched her tonight for two and a half hours) when it was time to eat dinner she (my niece) asked me if she could have soda with her food....I said no she could have something else to drink...I know for a fact her parents and my MIL will let her drink soda but I dont think a 7yr old needs to drink soda and wont give it to her.

Is it ok to do this even though i know her parents let her drink it? Is it appropriate to set my own limits or am I crossing boundaries?

What do other parents do in situations like this?


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 814 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your house... your rules! If they don't like it, she doesn't have to come over.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24448 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your house your rules. You are not parenting her at their home, you are establishing house rules. These are not freakish unreasonable things like spanking her. At dinner, you do not drink soda. You do not need to let her drink soda. If she is swimming at your home, she wears sunscreen. If she doesn't want to abide by your house rules then she doesn't play at your home.

Things I consider crossing the line:

Physically striking a child (even if you believe in spanking).
Allowing a child to watch films/videos that you know their parents are not okay with (e.g. Rated PG-13 or R).
Forcing a child to participate in religious activities if they are a different religion.

Denying them a soda at dinner? Nothing.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15318 | Registered: Jun 2006
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything these two wise ladies said. ^^


Me: WS, 30s
XH: BS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciled after divorce

"Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible." - Hunter Hayes, "Invisible"


Posts: 2100 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
meaniemouse
♀ Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alyssamd--you are NOT crossing a line. All kids want to know that there is someone who cares enough about them to make them behave, wear sunscreen, eat healthy and do what they're supposed to. You're being the grown-up so she can be free to be the kid. Children want boundaries, even if they say they don't. I think you're going to be seeing a lot more of this little girl because she knows you care, you're in charge, and that makes your home a safe place for her.


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2105 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alyssa, I had this rule, too. For years.

Your house...your rules.


Posts: 34709 | Registered: Mar 2011
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your house... your rules!

This, 1000000% It does not matter if she can drink soda with meals at home. At YOUR house, no one drinks soda with dinner. Period. She will learn your rules and if she does not like them then too bad, she can stop coming over.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
confused girl
♀ Member
Member # 10649
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And, she won't stop coming over. She knows you care and she probably likes the structure. Even if she can't verbalize it and probably doesn't realize it.


Love always hopes.

Posts: 1372 | Registered: May 2006
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I think she does kinda realize it cuz she made a comment to me that her parents dont miss her when she isnt home and they want to"send her away in a box".

That broke my heart


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 814 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope Not crossing a line.

I had a best friend that lived four houses away from me when I was young. Her mom was a SAHM, and she was Green before it was cool, and my friend was her first born, I was the second kid.

They had all kinds of rules. Some were freaking weird, like not flushing the toilet (to save water) unless it was solid. No snacking between meals of any kind (I always came home from their house starving). And no playing in direct sunshine for more than 30 minutes (I'm a kid of the 70's and there wasn't much use of sunscreen, and my friend was almost transparent).

I had no problem following those rules that's how they did it. No biggie.

I'm sure your niece feels the same way, but that doesn't mean she won't try to push the rules and boundaries every time she can.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8228 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's so sad, Alyssa.

And I agree that you're not crossing a line. If there are kids coming over, they have to live by our rules while they're here.

[This message edited by sadone29 at 1:09 PM, June 6th (Friday)]


"I move slow and steady, but I feel like a waterfall."

Posts: 662 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 11

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