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Newest Member: sandihaze (45362)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Counseling for BS - BS Welcome
DrJekyll
♂ Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have been in a quandary about my BS's IC. She is ready to start going to IC so we are trying to figure out what is the best route. We understand that everyone is different, but thought this would be a great place to get feedback.

So have currently stopped MC. As at this point our communication issues are resolved. I am attending IC with our FMC. But my BS goes back and forth about seeing the same IC (our FMC) or getting her own. The thoughts being seeing the same IC. they may be able to help her understand me better etc. But seeing a different one, there would be no bias.

Thoughts?

Many thanks in advance!!


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I d


Posts: 715 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BH and I were both very comfortable with using the same C for both of our IC and MC. When we stopped MC we both continued to use her for our IC.

She knew both of us well, had the best interest of our M at heart, and knew all of our issues.

Using the same C for all of it worked out very well for us.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38064 | Registered: Sep 2007
tfkeel
♂ Member
Member # 19517
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if there is a "best route". Seems to me there are about equal pros and cons.

I think the total question is whether or not your wife is satisfied and feels comfortable with your current counselor.

If she does, then she should continue with this counselor. If not, then she should find another.


[This message edited by tfkeel at 8:10 AM, June 6th (Friday)]


Posts: 526 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Pennsylvania
Jovie
♀ Member
Member # 41956
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Years ago, I was seeing an IC and we eventually transitioned into her becoming our MC. It didn't work out because BS felt she took my side on too many things.

I think it could definitely be beneficial to use your FMC as both of your IC, but if either of you start to feel uncomfortable or that the IC isn't acting in your individual best interest, it's probably time to move on. If she's any good, there shouldn't be any bias.


Me - WW, 33
Him - BH, 37
Dday - 12/16/13

Posts: 214 | Registered: Jan 2014
JustWant2BHappy
New Member
Member # 43351
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We also have had this issue. Originally we started with MC and then both started to see that one as both of our IC's. Then for reasons we had to leave that one. So we both started with different IC's and now my husband wants us to see his IC as our MC.
My IC is precautioning me on this b/c of bias that could happen unintentionally from his IC appts.. especially since she hasn't seen me on an IC basis..
Just use your judgement and if you feel there is bias then maybe find one that's not either of your IC's..

Posts: 39 | Registered: May 2014
somethingremorse
♂ Member
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd love for my BW to start seeing our MC for her own IC (damn, lots of abbreviations there).

I have a separate IC. That works best for us, including both our MC and my IC. None of the four of us want to blur those lines.

But in our specific case, the thing my BW needs help with is the impact of the A, and the things that she has started to bring out during our MC sessions. BW is comfortable with our MC, and our MC knows both of us and our situation. I think our MC would be the best person to counsel BW.

I know everyone is different. If BW had serious FOO stuff, I think it could cloud up MC.


Me: WH (42)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Issue could be moot if MC won't see either,of you as IC. Ask first, and maybe you'll get a referral.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
DrJekyll
♂ Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for all of the feedback

One of the things i keep telling my BS is that whichever route she chooses. It doesn't have to be a permanent commitment. The only thing I ask her to commit to is going to IC. She gets to choose the rest.

Our FMC is already seeing me in IC. Sometime my BS comes with.


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I d


Posts: 715 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
lifeshattered
♀ New Member
Member # 43123
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DrJekyll,
Shortly after DDay I went to see my SAWS IC.
H had been going to him for 8 months already for alcohol and (unknown to me) sex addiction. I was such a mess at the time. I couldn't eat or sleep and I didn't want to have to start from scratch telling the awful betrayal of 33 years. My H gave his IC permission to totally disclose anything my had talked about it past sessions. I found his IC guarded and really not helpful to me. I saw me 2 times and then didn't go back. It's been 10 weeks since Dday and I'm finally ready to see an IC of my own. I have my 1st appointment Monday - I hope she's good. I hope your w finds the right person for her.


BS - 58
SAWH -57 - 22 prostitutes and online sex
Married 33 years
3 grown children
2 Granddaughters
33 years of lies

Posts: 25 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 9

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