My husband has an old iPad that still contained his Apple ID. I gussed his Apple ID password and turned on. iPad to receive iMessage. This morning at 7:45 he sends, good morning I love you to the girl he was talking to on phone all those times. So I know for sure he's in relationship with her, not sure if the 2 women he texts are just emotional or 'virtual ' affairs. I am devastated now that I know. But I knew all along.
Should I confront him tonight? We have a trip to Mexico 6/22-6/28, his idea to ultimately book it. Advice ?
I had the same revelation a few weeks after dd and realized that the numerous texts I saw on the phone bill were just scratches of the buttload of texts these 2 assholes sent back and forth. Ugh just pisses me off thinking about it and hating how as a BS we were just thrown into this bullshit.
Sorry he's still deceiving you :( you don't deserve that
I say be prepared, as much as possible. See the Attorney, find out what options you have to protect yourself financially, is D or S a better bet. Have papers drawn up so when you do confront there will be no opportunity for wiggle room from him. Be prepared for him to storm out and not listen. Be prepared for him to blame, accuse, and behave like a general ass.
Be prepared for him to refuse to give you transparency, stating he has a right to privacy (which he does not). That he can't stay with someone who doesn't trust him (which you can't, and even if he ends up accepting all this, and starts to do the work of R won't happen for a long time).
This is incredibly painful. We get that. Take care of you. Make sure you are the priority right now.
I'm new at this and I don't have good advice on how / when to confront (I wish I had found this site before I had confronted my WW so I could have drawn on this communities collective wisdom, which is impressive).
I will suggest that you see a Lawyer today to learn your rights, what you can reasonable expect as an outcome in a D and how to protect yourself financially.
Act swiftly (as in, right now) on the lawyer and financial front. You should probably have them draw up D papers so you can have them for when you confront your WH. Do you have any kids?
Listen to the experts here on how to approach the confrontation.
So sorry that you find yourself hear but glad that you have found us so you don't have to navigate this alone. Stay strong.
You work hard for what you have. Make sure that, if you do decide to D, he gets as little of the money you were busy working hard for while he was busy disrespecting you and f-ing other women.
Well, I'm the most vindictive bitch on the planet (I'm beginning to believe, anyway) and I'd go on that trip with him because why should YOU miss out on going to Mexico just because he's a big lying shithead?
He's no doubt already told his 'soulmate' that he's dreading going away with you, that he'll hate every single minute of it, that he won't so much as touch you in any intimate way at all, and that every single second he'll be thinking of nothing but her and will be miserable being stuck with you...blah blah blah.
That's what these lying fools always say to their OW when they go on vacation with their wives. It's as cliche as it gets - but it's right on Page #46 of the Cheater's Manual, Chapter 3 - "Lies to tell your OW about how much you hate your vacation with your wife." Pffft.
Therefore, making these two chuckle-heads miserable would be my number #1 goal in life. And that's why I would go on the vacation - just knowing she was crying into her beer every night because he's with ME in the tropics would be worth it to me. But again - I'm a bitch and that type of stuff is what I do.
Once you're down there, you have the choice of having him thrown into a Mexican Prison (which would be my vote) or holding him captive and making him talk. Tequila makes people do funny things and sometimes acts like truth serum, that's for sure. Letting his cell phone float in the toilet for the 20 or 30 minutes you're in the shower the first night you're there would probably also elicit a response from him (albeit not a good one). But, oh well. It was an accident.
Gosh and golly, I just realized that would ALSO cut him off from the outside world - especially from those sitting at home ALL alone - like the pitiful losers they ARE - waiting desperately for that feeble text message of love from afar, assuring them that they're still number #1. Now THAT would be a shame if he couldn't send that all-important text to her, now wouldn't it?
The last leg of my plan would be his total submission to mass amounts of tequila followed by a brutal question and answer period under a bare bulb while I blew cigar smoke in his face. Liquor tends to draw the truth out of people.
If neither of those options work for you, then I would make sure you have all your ducks in a row (evidence wise) and confront him with all the shock and awe you've got in you.
Oh - and make sure you WRITE DOWN on an index card everything you want to say or to ask him. These conversations get amazingly emotional and way off-track, so sometimes a card with a bulleted list will keep you on track as you navigate your way through the emotional chaos.
Good luck to you, Blue.
It's going to be incredibly hard to find a way to do this. Think about if you have to. Go into detective mode. When you do ask the question he is going to lie a lot and gaslight. You need more concrete evidence than you have right now and you have a chance to get it.
So sorry though you're going through this. It sucks. I've been there. I wish I had had more restraint of time before I confronted.