"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and loved ones."
Sorry you're here
The future's so bright - I got to wear shades
Plant Seeds of Kindness
[This message edited by I think I can at 10:46 AM, June 11th (Wednesday)]
I still have an appointment scheduled tomorrow for an initial consultation with an attorney.
My "husband" did the whore thing too. Horrible. Awful. Excuses of, all men think of it or do it. That may or may not be so as I am not all men, however, that particular man said the vows "forsake all others".
Problem was - even before we were married, the whores were there. We have been together since forever and it starts out with porn, as step 1, strippers step 2 (if strippers are in your town and most likely they are somewhere in your town or around the corner), "massage parlors" - aka = whore houses (yes, the whores will give a massage to the women and sex to the men and by the way, happy endings are usually sex - not just the tug and rub - they make more money if they give the john the full service as it's called, step 3, also includes aside from the massage parlors, the street hookers, the anon sex on line or at strip parlors.
Def. do the poly - when is up to you.
These men, in my opinion are addicted to the high of risky sex - even if there is a condom. Having anon sex is risky. You are their Mommy, their life partner, and quite possibly the "love" of their life - but they must also have their cake, cupcake, muffin or candy bar. Their whores are their addiction. The reason why these men use whores is because there is no "risk" to the johns. In their minds - it's harmless sex and not as bad as a real relationship with a real woman who may want more than sex, which is the usual, as women who want sex only are very rare or are paid.
So you are their relationship. The whores are their fun - like computer games, or going to the park, or playing golf or fishing. That is really how they see it. It's crazy to us, but it is their f*cking hobby. Some are so into it that they write details on websites to which they pay so they can give the whores a rating system. Again, it is their f*cking hobby. I had actual hobbies. My f*ckhead, I mean, "husband" had sex workers - with their toned bodies and small butts and beautiful faces - that was his thing - he paid for the most beautiful he could. A lot of men are not that picky. Mine, of course, with his big d*ck ego, only paid for the perfect bodies.
And mine, of course, was also f*cking whores when I was pregnant. Imagine if my dear child ever found that out = it would devastate her. Horrible. But that is how into it these f*ckheads are. It's harmless and their not in a "real" relationship and really, is it cheating? I mean, sunny, how else could he be so "what's the big deal about it"?
Yes I'm still with my d*ckhead. I have a very young child whom I cannot support on my own and she would be devastated if we were to separate. She is so smart that 2 years ago when she was 2 she heard us arguing a lot and thought we were going to separate and I thought I was going to have to take her to counseling. So I stopped all major arguing with d*ckhead. We sleep in sep. bedrooms. He goes to 2 sex addict and 1 group counseling a week. I hate him and despise him and actually remind of that at least once a month. Otherwise, we get a long quite well - I know how laughable that is, but it is possible - as crazy as that sounds. I have a great life other than the fact that picked wrong. But aside from that, really, my life is very very good. And my "husband" is afraid of me. I love that so much. But my child is perfect, thank you.
So, what else amy I saying? If I didn't have a child under age, I'd be long gone. I am all for marriages staying together even under such horrible circumstances (cheating). But if I were not tied to him via a child....ummm.....LAWYER HERE I COME AND OUT THE DOOR YOU PR*CKHEAD.
All my love, sunny. You are so strong - you just don't know it yet. But you will see it in 6 months or so and I do predict that you will be - lawyer, get those papers goin'.
Devastated Mom: You rock. You are so strong. Keep going for your kiddos, man, cuz no one can like you. Just imagine if you did separate - you would be so worried what would be happening to them when you weren't there. Sure your husband may be under control now and "cured" now - but without you - who knows and do you want to know. Keep strong, girl.
If I were him, I'd fear a demand for an accounting of how much of your money he wasted getting his knob polished. Make him provide that and assume it will be grossly understated. Was he stupid enough to charge the hotel,rooms?
That's how I found out. We were booking a trip on hotwire, I logged into his account and "lo and behold" a list of recent local hotel transactions popped up...you should have saw his face when I confronted him with it.
Which leads to lots of confusion. What to do? You have gotten some good advice about finances, sounded like your first instinct to see lawyer which you are doing, both going to IC, etc. These are all good first steps in moving forward. Especially short term.
You don't have to make any long term plans yet, but you can certainly start to plan. What would you like the living arrangements to look like, any pets to deal with, practice things that need to be dealt with you can start to plan for. Let him know you are planning and ask him hard questions about it until you decide. You've both been down this road before. It's just planning for a future.
Equally you can plan for staying together. What are the boundaries you need in place in order to remain with BH, what are your emotional needs, etc.
And you can still go with your gut short term which is to file for D. You can still stop the process at any time you want if you change your mind later.
Very sorry you are going through this Sunny. Keep posting even if it's just to vent.
Also, I confronted him about the numerous escort numbers in his date planner. He stated that he was not seeing escorts. He was just viewing online.
He swears that he loves me and only wants to be with me. I told him I was seeing a lawyer but he insist we can work this out. He kept stating that he loves me. The OW kept telling me the same time. Do you think this is a "smoke screen?"
I still have a consultation scheduled this afternoon with a lawyer. Do you think I should still go or try to work this out?
Also, I confronted him about the numerous escort numbers in his date planner. He stated that he was not seeing escorts. He was just viewing online
Yeah that's what mine said years before Dday when I caught him looking at escort ads for our area "I'm just looking" its grade A bullshit! but because I didnt think my husband was that much of a degenerate creep I didn't follow up
Why would he need their numbers if he was just looking?
Don't believe it. My WH had tons of numbers written down and programed into his phone so if one dial a whore didn't answer he could just move on to the next one, thats how it he explained it to me.
If he IS telling the truth--he should be BEGGING for a chance to prove it, by doing the things above and more.