I'm back in my hometown for a few days. AP lives here. And it's hmm. odd? uncomfortable? something... to be out & about here.
He's a drunk & borders on hermit life, so the odds are decent I won't run into him. Still, the first two days here, I bailed on general outings. Not sure why...a bit anxious, I suppose. Tonight, I went out anyway. My city hosts a Friday night concert series, so I decided to go to that & another concert after.
This about tore me up. My stomach was a wreck by 4, & I almost bailed again. But I sat with the sick feeling, decided to not be a prisoner of my past decisions, & went anyway. The opener has been playing for a half hour, there's a breeze off the river, & I'm feeling settled. I'm giving myself permission to be here, to reclaim my hometown as my own, to learn to be content here without AP, without hiding.
Not sure what my point is, but it felt like a good shift for me, a small victory, so I wanted to share.
Edited for typos...stupid phoneBH: 42
LTA ended Jan. 1, 2014; NC started in April.
Married 17 years.
No DDay; this, like all of life's decisions, is a work in progress.
My best thinking brought me to SI.