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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Free the Nip
Matilda23
♀ Member
Member # 42807
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today was my first full week at my new location. I transferred locations because of a few reasons. First and foremost, it was to make BBF feel safe because OM would come and do transactions. Second I needed to get out of a promiscuous work environment. Third I need to make myself safe so being in a new environment meant I could create new boundaries and continue building my boundaries.

I have learned to not get personally with anyone at my new location. Just stay friendly but not open. However the girls here seem like the girls at my old location. I can't seem to get away. I guess that's why they say build your boundaries. Anyways yesterday a young girl about my age talked about how women are protesting about freeing the nip (I hope this does not fall into politics), as men can and we can't. She talked about how she would have done it if there were a protest here. I got me thinking, before me trying to heal myself I would have considered it "if I had bigger boobs". But now that I am working on myself, I would not because I would feel like I'm lowering my self worth and self respect because I would be getting the wrong attention. It's so hard for me to see her be so okay with it since we are about the same age.

Idk, maybe I just view things differently. It really just makes me feel sad.


WGF - 24
BBF - MercilesslyNuked, 29
DDay 1 - 1/6/14
DDay 2 - 1/23/14

I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!


Posts: 111 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Colorado
EvolvingSoul
♀ Member
Member # 29972
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, big yay.

Stay the course. You are making progress.


Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.


Posts: 282 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to clarify, what did she mean by that?

Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
210012
♀ New Member
Member # 42052
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd probably participate too, to be honest. Not for male attention but kinda the reverse- to protest the message that women are responsible for men's reactions and so should cover up more than men. Of course I'm generally comfortable with nudity and don't necessarily connect it to sexuality- I've drawn at many live figure model sessions, I'm interested in yoga and massage, etc. I think provocative clothing, flirtatious shyness, and artifice sends a much more sexual message than full un-self-conscious nudity, with all "flaws" exposed. Maybe your coworker is thinking along these lines as well? Or not...

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jan 2014
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you, Matilda. You realized you may have participated for the attention not for the "Cause".

Which, I feel, is a worthless cause here in America. We are not culturally in that mindset of breasts not being sexualized. Just a fact and it isn't going to change even if we "Free the Nip".


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9543 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
tfkeel
♂ Member
Member # 19517
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't seem to get away. I guess that's why they say build your boundaries.

Yes. And they are correct. The boundaries have to be within you in order to be effective. There's nowhere you can go where temptation and leadership in the astray direction won't exist.


Posts: 406 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Pennsylvania
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

women are protesting about freeing the nip

OMFG, First-World problems. Sorry, but girls are killed for going to school, women are raped and hung from trees, and Western women are protesting that it's unfair for it to be illegal for them to go topless?

ETA: hit submit prematurely.

It really just makes me feel sad.

Me too. Your coworker sounds about as deep as a quarter, and I'm glad you're more mature than she.

[This message edited by 20WrongsVs1 at 3:18 PM, June 7th, 2014 (Saturday)]


fWW: 42
BH: 52
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1111 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How much of the crowd will bee exhibitionists (women) and voyeurs (men)?

Isn't the ability to smoke marijuana legally enough freedom for now?


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So... You don't want to expose the nip. I respect that entirely. I would not either! Which is a great choice when you have issues with body image and boundaries and sexual bad judgement. THe fact that you are thinking in terms of "maybe if I has bigger breasts" even in past tense shows you have a long way to go and misses the whole point.

but please don't punish or judge your young feminist friend for her beliefs. Don't project your issues onto her. She has a right to choose her way and it has nothing to do with infidelity or sexuality. She may be confident in her body and is using it in a statement , not a boob competition. It is political, as you said.

[This message edited by Mrs Panda at 8:33 PM, June 7th (Saturday)]


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1971 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Matilda23
♀ Member
Member # 42807
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Evolvingsoul,
Thank you for your kind words. I know it's going to a long road ahead of me, but I want to be healthy, safe, and no more wayward thinking.

absolut,
I'm not sure what you mean, which part are you referencing?

SisterMilkshake,

Which, I feel, is a worthless cause here in America. We are not culturally in that mindset of breasts not being sexualized. Just a fact and it isn't going to change even if we "Free the Nip".
Thank you. I agree that it is a worthless cause here. Before I would have thought it was okay. If men can do it, why can't women? Not thinking about the underlying issue of why I wanted to do it. Now, that I am digging deeper, I know I would be looking for validation and attention from men.

tfkeel,
I agree the boundaries have to be within me. I never had boundaries, at home, school, or even in the workplace. So for me to set up boundaries and move out of an unsafe environment was a start. That way I could practice them and not my old coworkers break them down. This is where it all beginnings.

20WrongsVs1,
I agree this is a first world problem. I stand for women's rights but I feel like our body should be topless at home for your SO. Before I would have thought differently. Our society has sexualized breasts and that won't change.


WGF - 24
BBF - MercilesslyNuked, 29
DDay 1 - 1/6/14
DDay 2 - 1/23/14

I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!


Posts: 111 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Colorado
Matilda23
♀ Member
Member # 42807
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mrs Panda,
I was not trying to punish her fir expressing her thoughts. It just made me realize that I would have done it for the wrong cause. She is open about things like that and proud of it. That is just who she is, but I just saw my mind flip from being okay with it to not being okay with it. I'm sorry. I was not trying to make it political but more of a realization I had with myself.


WGF - 24
BBF - MercilesslyNuked, 29
DDay 1 - 1/6/14
DDay 2 - 1/23/14

I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!


Posts: 111 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Colorado
Stillstings
♀ Member
Member # 36549
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I might be in the wrong here but how is this appropriate work conversation?


Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 358 | Registered: Aug 2012
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Just stay friendly but not open."

"Anyways yesterday a young girl about my age talked about how women are protesting about freeing the nip..."

not being open is cutting these conversations off or not participating in them. participating or even sitting around listening to them = encouraging more and more similar such conversations which then lead to being open. the easiest way is to cut it off early because it gets harder and harder to do so the longer and more the conversations about personal stuff continues.


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 528 | Registered: Jan 2014
Matilda23
♀ Member
Member # 42807
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stillstings,

The conversations are never appropriate I just thought if I listen but don't say anything then I'm setting the right boundaries. But after reading what William has to say I need to walk away when topic like this comes up so it don't get personal with the girls.

William,

Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I do keep myself involved and have not set clear boundaries at work. It's still a new location for me so I need to be stronger and walk away when personal things are said so I don't get sucked in. Thank you.


WGF - 24
BBF - MercilesslyNuked, 29
DDay 1 - 1/6/14
DDay 2 - 1/23/14

I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!


Posts: 111 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Colorado
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yw matilda

i had the same problem when i got my first serious promotion in the marines. i tried to be "friends" and "leader". id tell them to do something and they would give me "but i thought we are buddies, why cant you ask X instead and blah blah blah". it took me about 6 months to figure out how to be friendly to them yet to also not be open - remote but not so remote that they felt a big distance that could also impair the job. its a balancing act and it definitely takes time to learn. realizing that it needs to be done is well over half the battle.

you are doing well. dont worry.


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 528 | Registered: Jan 2014
SlowUptake
♂ Member
Member # 40484
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to be the voice of dissent here.

What's the big deal?

A young women in the workplace is voicing a somewhat political opinion.
Her obviously flawed logic of 'Since men can, why can't women' is not taking into account the sexualisation of womens' breasts, this would indicate she's not a deep thinker.
(I agree with 20WrongsVs1 here. Really, first world problems)

To her credit

She wasn't trashing her SO.

She wasn't boasting about stealing another woman's man.

She wasn't spilling personal relationship issues.

She wasn't being bigoted or racist.

She wasn't gossiping about someone else.

She was being upfront and honest.

Here Matilda23 is where I have a suggestion.

Perhaps you should have spoken up, expressed your opposing opinion on the subject while respecting the young girl's right to have hers (misguided and vacuous as it is in my opinion).

That way you also would be upfront and honest, while enforcing your boundaries.

edited: for spelling

[This message edited by SlowUptake at 8:23 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)]


Me:WS,50+
Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Limbo in Oz
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its because the work on boundaries IS being done.

"I transferred locations because of a few reasons. First and foremost, it was to make BBF feel safe because OM would come and do transactions. Second I needed to get out of a promiscuous work environment. Third I need to make myself safe so being in a new environment meant I could create new boundaries and continue building my boundaries."

the point isnt that the conversation was about freeing the nip - good or bad. frankly, thats not the relevant point. the relevant point is that matilda is working hard on establishing boundaries at work. she wants to be friendly but not open. thats what she has chosen her boundary to be so she is working on enforcing it. getting involved in a conversation about freeing the nip isnt being friendly but not open, its being (perhaps) friendly and also its being open. she doesnt want that, she wants to create a space between her and her co-workers because changing work environments from that "of a promiscuous work environment" to one where "the girls here seem like the girls at my old location" and a feeling that she "can't seem to get away" from that.

her attempt to build stronger boundaries to insulate and protect herself from this environment is admirable.


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 528 | Registered: Jan 2014
SlowUptake
♂ Member
Member # 40484
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

her attempt to build stronger boundaries to insulate and protect herself from this environment is admirable.

Absolutely and totally agree with you without reservation!

Just disagree that simply walking away is the best way to do it.
Because then the coworkers aren't aware of the reason, therefore aren't aware of the boundary.
What good is a boundary that insulates and protects you from people, if they are unaware of it?

[This message edited by SlowUptake at 9:20 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)]


Me:WS,50+
Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Limbo in Oz
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i dont go out and drink until i get drunk. i dont associate with people who do. its a boundary. ive never had a problem with drinking, i created this boundary for myself as a young man because i saw plenty of other people who did and never wanted to get into some of the trouble they did while drunk. i dont need to tell anyone its a boundary, i just need to enforce it on my own. i can control my drinking. i can leave if someone starts to get drunk and then chose not to go out with them again. i dont need to explain anything. nor do i need to just walk away. i can always say "i need to go" and am under no requirement to say more.

telling them her boundaries just involves them in a way. she can enforce her boundaries without involving them. they arent her spouse, children, or famiy - she is in no way morally required to tell them anything. her boundaries are her own, not theirs. IMO its best to save outlining her boundaries to them until it becomes required in some way.

there are lots of options available between standing there actively talking to them about freeing the nip or whatever and just listening to it .... just as there are many options available between just listening to them and walking away. with so many options available id think either walking away or explaining the boundaries as being the extremes and there are many more subtle ways of accomplishing the same goals.


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 528 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 19

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