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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 5 months after separation
Angeles85
♀ Member
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5 months after Dday/separation (I left home the same day I found out he was cheating on me for the third time in 4 years) We were going to get married this year and we were planning a baby...anyways things are better, I feel stronger, don't cry as often BUT we're still working together...on Tuesday he finally moved out of the apartment where we used to live together, I had to go pick up a sofa by myself since my friends and cousin couldn't help me...we cried together looking at the empty apartment, he tried to kiss me and I rejected him, the owner of the apartment got there, we gave him keys and that was it...yesterday he went in my office and told me he's feeling better, too. He said now he can talk to me without feeling any pain or anger...I just said "ok, I'm glad u are feeling better"
I feel so scared of the future, if I will ever feel loved again or if I will ever love someone again. I push myself to go out, volunteer, hiking groups, building new friends but sometimes I feel so tired. I'm not ready to date but sometimes I just need someone to talk to in a romantic way, attention, not even sex but someone to cuddle...I guess I just needed to vent and maybe ask for any suggestions on how u handled to live without a partner. What was your situation 5 months after separation.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean, Angeles. Cuddling, and a romantic partner to talk to are the biggest things I miss too. The Princess and I lived in a house in the country, but when I left her, I moved into a city apartment. I LOVE living in the city.

I don't know why I started this - and, dude, I know it sounds crazy - but each night, as I'm closing the curtains on my balcony before bed, I say good night to my city. Then as I gaze out at the lights, I take a minute to tell it about the things that happened that day that I'm grateful for. It can be big things like landing a new project, or little things like smiling at someone in the elevator (I know that sounds kind of lame, but it brings me joy).

Then I smile at my city, and tell it I love it.

In the morning, I say good morning, and tell it about the things I'm looking forward to doing that day.

It makes me feel like I have someone I love to talk to (and I DO love my city). Unfortunately, I have no suggestions for cuddle replacements. I would love to hear if someone else has something.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1836 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass I love that you share your day with your city! Great way to problem solve and self soothe!

Unfortunately, I have no suggestions for cuddle replacements. I would love to hear if someone else has something.

Get a dog. :)


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3555 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Angeles85
♀ Member
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank u Pass for sharing this, it really makes me feel better..and not alone. Sometimes I talk to my car (i know it's crazy) but I have had the same car for 7 years and even tough is really old I want to keep it, I see it as an old friend who has see me cry and laugh all these years.
Purple-unfortunately I cannot have a dog where I live now and can't afford a place that would let me have it :( sometimes I pet my neighbor's dog, I even offer to walk him but they said since it's a big dog they're scared I won't be able to handle him (I'm short lol)

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
Angeles85
♀ Member
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry double post :)

[This message edited by Angeles85 at 11:13 PM, June 7th (Saturday)]


Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My situation is similar, Angeles... I also walked out immediately, etc.

I'm a little over a year out from DDay and I'm just hitting the phase you're describing now (loneliness and some anxiety about being loved again) in some ways-- so I think you're way ahead of schedule and very strong.

I try to surround myself with family, friends and projects as much as possible-- but a lot of that is just to distract me. I sometimes remember what it was like to hold my X and just be quiet and happy on the couch or whatnot and it's a killer. I can't imagine having that again for some reason.

My solution is to allow myself to feel these emotions and accept them. I continue to hope for the best in the future, but I'm also allowing myself to accept that it may be a long time (I hope not never) before I have that with someone again. When it's really bad, I rent a movie and try to clear my head.

I also want to remember how this feels for the future to make sure I don't take any future partners for granted. I always thought my X would be in my life, so I never really cherished those evenings when I was just holding him as we went to sleep. I remember after walking out on DDay thinking to myself that I would never hold him again and it just ripped my heart out. You never know how much time you're going to have with someone...

So I hope this experience helps me be more genuine and loving in the future.

... and I also have a dog. :)


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Angeles85
♀ Member
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phantom thanks, your words made me cry...I feel the exact same way...after DDAY I tought about those moments never coming back (sleeping/waking up together, watching a baseball/soccer games together) and as u said I felt like I didn't cheerish enough all those precious moments. THANK YOU for sharing that. I'll also try to as u said to just accept my situation, there is no shortcut, I will accept and embrace this loneliness and I will work hard to become a better person and a better partner.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank u Pass for sharing this, it really makes me feel better..and not alone. Sometimes I talk to my car (i know it's crazy) but I have had the same car for 7 years and even tough is really old I want to keep it, I see it as an old friend who has see me cry and laugh all these years.

Please tell me how talking to your car is crazier than me talking to the city lights. Seriously, dude, you can't beat me when it comes to crazy. Don't even try!

unfortunately I cannot have a dog where I live

And I'm allergic to all the little beasties. Don't have time to take care of one anyhow, now that I'm out playing music three nights a week.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1836 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Angeles85
♀ Member
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass I think we are tied
My nephew (15) will work with me (sort of) during his summer vacations and he's staying with me so at least I will have someone to share my ice cream/chips

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
Topic Posts: 9

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