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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: NB stalled, again
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Helpless  Posted: 8:52 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you are all sick of my whining, as that's all I do here. I keep trying so hard to get it all together.

I'm 5 years out, and I'm failing, miserably. I've been fighting off panic/anxiety for weeks now.

I'm frozen. There are so many stressors right now, and I just can't figure out the best thing to do. I finally make the decision to go visit my parents, and pray they will help me make a decision, make a plan of action.

Bottom line is, although my parents are great, our talk boiled down to my dad telling me to just do what I have to do, and we will talk again next spring. This in no way helps with the fact that I'm frozen NOW, and can't just do what I have to do. I feel so unwanted, unheard and useless lately. I'm really sick of trying my best, trying different things and just not ever seeming to get further ahead.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5513 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Dm))

One step at a time. I think you're getting overwhelmed with the volume and quantity of things that need to be done.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sick you of you whining. Sometimes there is no where else where we can whine in peace but SI and I think we all understand that. Post it all out here, that's how we support each other.

I'm sorry your parents weren't able to help you.

Is there any way you can somehow take a break however brief to rest and relax? I know it's hard when you're anxious, when you're busy keeping it all together. But relaxation can lead to inspiration, creativity and seeing things from a whole new perspective. It's so hard for new insights and inner clarity to come when there is no relaxation and it's all worry. I know this happens to me! I had a business coach once who said to me, you go on vacation, on purpose for your business, you take care of yourself on purpose for your business.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5834 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Break down what are the stressors and post them if that will help. There are wise SI members who might provide their experience.

It will be okay - I don't know if you go walking but that can help.

Stop the timeline - life is constant.

Breathe and break things into small steps. Good luck!

[This message edited by fireproof at 12:27 AM, June 9th (Monday)]


Posts: 985 | Registered: Jul 2012
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Duplicate post

[This message edited by fireproof at 12:26 AM, June 9th (Monday)]


Posts: 985 | Registered: Jul 2012
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My parents are useless.

Do you keep a journal?


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DM, I read your other post. Repeat after me: I don't have to do it all.

You don't; you can't. Your kids are disrespecting you, and this very well could be because you're showing them that you're a doormat. Stop.

Your DS is 18; he should have a job. If he doesn't want to spend time with his father, and you have not planned his being at your place for meals, he'll have to fend for himself.

Your DD--I'm sorry she's going through the severe anxiety. I hope she's getting some kind of treatment. I understand growing kids and clothes, but at age 15, she could learn to sew. The $40 from her father would go a lot further. It might help her self esteem and anxiety if she learns a practical craft. I grew up poor, and sewing allowed me to have a very acceptable wardrobe. You can also shop thrift shops, consignment shops and bargain stores.

If you're unemployed, looking for a job IS your job. Everything else takes a back seat during working hours. The house doesn't have to be perfect; the kids can do their own laundry and help prepare meals; some (maybe most) activities fall by the wayside. If you can't afford the time or money for something they want and the X won't help, tell the kids, "I'm sorry; this isn't going to happen."

As far as your parents, I don't know your relationship with them or what you were expecting from them. Maybe their response is a statement of their confidence in you to solve your own issues.

Sometimes you're under so much stress, you can't see the forest for the trees. Slow down, take a breath or three and work out a plan. If you make yourself sick over this, you won't be any help to the kids.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20221 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((devistatedmom))))

You can and will get through this. You can't do everything at once, but you can do one thing, and then another, and then another. The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all. Pity party, I know.

AZ, DS18 does have a job. He had a heck of a time finding a job as no one wanted to hire someone leaving for college in Sept. He found this one a couple of month ago, but hasn't been getting a lot of shifts.

I am not unemployed. I work for the school board. I'm a 10 month employee, so I WILL be unemployed for the summer. I tried working two jobs last year, and did for almost a year, but the other job was very stressful, and I quit last July, while laid off from the school job. Since then, I got denied for the rest of last summer, then got denied at Christmas because I didn't have enough hours from Sept to Christmas (was short about 1 day). When I applied at Spring break, my file was on hold and the guy went to take it off hold. Got a call back; the other job never sent in my ROE. Called them, they never issued it. Got them to issue it. Unemployment has had everything since April 10, but my file is on "permanent hold" until someone at head office looks at it. I apply again in 2 weeks. I NEED it for this summer. If they haven't taken the hold off by then, I'm screwed.

The school job I love, the pay is the best I can get for my position (I'm a DSW, I work with teens who have special needs) and I have good benefits. It's just the 2 months in the summer, the 2 weeks at Christmas and one week at March break that I am "laid off" that suck large. I am back officiating a sport for the summer which gets me some cash, but not enough to pay all the bills if my unemployment doesn't come through. I love the school job, and leaving wouldn't get me any more pay, plus the loss of benefits. I also will have a small pension when I do retire. It was a great second income in a two income home plus I was home in the summer when the kids were. Now, it's tough with the lay offs as the sole provider, but leaving at this point would cause me more losses than good.

My parents are great, my dad just didn't "hear" me. They will help me financially if I need it, but damn it, that's not why I went to them. I wanted help making a plan. I'm stuck. I needed them to help me figure out a plan on what to do when, when I should sell/move, and help me figure out how to get this place together to do so in the timeframe, plus other stuff. I didn't get that. Yes, I know it's great they can help me some financially, but I was looking more for other stuff, not cash.

DD15 is just about done all her final projects, so her stress is going down. Exams start next week. Almost out of the woods with her for a bit.

I'm just overly tired; officiating at night, not getting home until midnight, then up for work, house a disaster, either not home or too tired when I am. Son is great, if I ask specifically. Daughter not as good (will "forget") but I talked to them the other day (again)and they are trying, at least for now.

Except for the financial piece, 2 more weeks, and at least I'll be able to get some sleep. I keep trying to be positive about the rest of it, it would just be nice to have SOMETHING work out right for a change.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5513 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 9

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