Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Kandarian (44982)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The Struggle bus
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Concerned  Posted: 11:08 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was in the back for a while, and now I am in the middle. Some days I am indifferent other days, I am mad. Today is one of those days.

This man has been living with this woman since January. When my childern see him, its at her house with them. They go on picnics, to play mini golf....outtings families do.

Why won't he just get a divorce? I dont have the money because I have bills to pay. He essentially doesnt. If he wants to be with her, as he is always with her....why doesnt he file? He is the one who said he would chose her 90% of the time. Ok, so why not officially choose her? I don't to spend another dime regarding him.

I still wonder why he married me in the first place, when he could have very well married her, or neither of us for that matter?

UGH! Not a good day.


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Angeles85
♀ Member
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Nikki
((((Nikki)))

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why don't you file? See an attorney and find out if a default divorce is possible in your jurisdiction. Push him off the fence.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20180 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have the money to file right now.


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
KeepOnMovin
♂ Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with AZ. Consult with an attorney and file yourself. Get a temporary support order in place and let WH pay some of the bills. Take your power back. You will feel better.


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In some states you can file AND you can petition the court to award him the lawyers fees. I'd ask about that. He's been gone 5 years, living with someone else - he obviously doesn't want to be married. And you can't afford a divorce. File let him foot the bill.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5113 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
josie11
♀ Member
Member # 31648
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depending on where you live, some/all of these can be had for the asking in a divorce petition:

- temporary child support paid by respondent
- temporary spousal support paid by respondent
- exclusive use of the home (you can change the locks)
- financial restraining order (neither of you can change retirement/investment accounts or insurance policies)
- actual restraining order
- legal fees must be paid by respondent

And more! You only have to ask (put it in the petition). If a family court official signs it, it is law.


BS: me
XWH: Dead to me, after spending half our lives together
2 teenagers
"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between."-Mia Farrow

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2011
MinorBee
♀ Member
Member # 17895
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why doesn't he file for divorce?

My guess is...although he likes living with the OW, he doesn't want to feel pressured to marry her.

"I'm still legally married to bitchy NikkiD" is a convenient excuse for him not to make a commitment to her without looking like a I'm-just-using-you-as-a-flop-house-and-walking-sex-toy jerk.

You have no idea what he may saying to her about his martial status and it's not likely that she will elicit sympathy from anyone in her life when she complains about the fact that her married boyfriend won't marry her, so she'll keep quiet and keep hoping...which is probably how he likes it.


previously married for 20 years
DDays: which time?, OW's which one?

Posts: 457 | Registered: Jan 2008
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was in much the same boat as you.
We had court paperwork that he was supposed to file, but it never occurred to me or my L to put in an end date.
Everytime I brought it up he said he didn't have the money, but he could afford to clothe and house his mistress (she didn't work).
I finally had to bit the bullet and pay for D myself. It took me about 8 months to save up the deposit. He has dragged the D on as well, so I've had to keep pouring money in.
I suggest looking in to see if there is free legal aid somewhere in your county. They can assist in filing the paperwork pro se. In the meantime, save those pennies. Turn in cans and bottles, and pinch pennies where you can.
Don't even try and make sense of what he is doing and not doing. It's senseless and you will end up driving yourself batshit crazy. Personally, it's my opinion that they delude themselves that 1) if they don't file for D that they can somehow come back home one day when they are done playing house with the HO, and 2) they can always blame us when Ho starts putting pressure on them to marry them. "I can't marry you because NikkiD won't ever let me go."
I am in a covenant M so my STBX literally cannot D me. He used this excuse with Shrek until I filed and had him served in front of her at their lurrrve nest!
Just do you and keep moving forward.
FTG


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2238 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 9

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.