Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: refuses to communicate by email
lost2012
♀ Member
Member # 35325
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex is stating "I did not agree to communicate by email". We have a joint parenting agreement. My ex is just doing whatever he wants and then telling me. I am trying to document. I gave him dates/times to meet in person. I plan to record these. He wants to talk by phone. I have sent several emails. He has responded a few times, but never answered the questions that I raised. All are questions that are regarding the kids schedules, etc. At what point can i say he is not following the agreement and have him pay court costs and legal fees?


Dday- March 1, 2012
M 17 years
EA? 4 years
2 boys ages 10 and 12
Divorced- 12/17/2012

Posts: 96 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Illinois
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's being an asshole. Continue to document each time he refuses to communicate with you by email and keep that message where he says he did not agree to use that form of communication with you. He can't force you to talk by phone. At the same time, you can't force him to meet in person. Email is a very accepted, very reasonable way to communicate with someone that is used universally for business and personal reasons.

The issue now is whether there is any recourse to him refusing to respond to your messages. If you are just sending information about the children that doesn't require a response, then that's on him. It's common courtesy to at least say "okay" or "noted", but if he doesn't want to, there's no way to force him.

If, however, the communication about the kids is important enough to require a response (i.e, "are you picking the kids up tonight after practice"?) and he refuses, then you may have something to play with. The issue is what will the court do under these circumstances? Courts generally don't like to modify parenting agreements from joint to sole. However, if he does this for long enough and makes decisions and choices that either hurt the kids or ignores their schedules, and/or makes it impossible for you to co-parent with him etc., then you may be able to make an argument that it is not in the kids' best interest to share custody/parenting time. That will probably take a lot though. Before that happens, he may be ordered to go to counseling or co-parenting classes and/or the order may be modified so that he maintains joint custody, but has to communicate by email.

It's all a matter of what result you are seeking and whether there is a chance the court will give it to you. I would call your lawyer and tell him/her what's been happening. Your attorney will have a much better idea of how the local judges generally handle this type of situation. One parent can't make it so hard for the other to communicate about the children. At the same time, judges are careful not to do anything that would result in the kids having a strained relationship with one of the parents. It's a horrible balancing act and certainly not fun to have to try to co-parent with a selfish, stubborn ass.

[This message edited by suckstobeme at 12:16 PM, June 9th (Monday)]


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2810 | Registered: Jan 2011
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thoughts are that he doesn't want to leave a paper trail. Which is exactly WHY I try to get all important things via email so I have something to back it up if it comes down to it.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thoughts are that he doesn't want to leave a paper trail. Which is exactly WHY I try to get all important things via email so I have something to back it up if it comes down to it.

I agree with this.
Keep documenting. When you do have to speak wiht him by phone, follow up with an email:
"Per our conversation via telephone today at 6pm, <insert pertinent details here>."

This give you a paper trail and if he has any "disputes" with the details of the email, he can write back to clarify. If he ignores, the onus is on him.

As for scheduling issues, I'd try using words like, "Please confirm that you are picking up kiddos by X time on Y date. If I do not receive an email response from you by ZZZ, I will make other arrangements."


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6458 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What about texting or will he not agree to that either? My XH tried this crap also. I flat out would not answer the phone unless he had the kids. That was the only time I would pick up the phone. It took a while for him to get that I wasn't talking to him but eventually he was forced to use email or texts. If you don't answer the phone it might also force him to leave voice mails which can also be used as evidence. Just don't answer the damn phone unless he has your kids.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4782 | Registered: Feb 2008
lost2012
♀ Member
Member # 35325
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your responses. i guess I didn't give all the background info. We have a coparenting agreement where expenses are shared 50/50. It requires communication. He will discuss things on the phone with me but then change his mind. alot of our conversations are circular and i can't tell what we decided when all is done. so I'm trying to communicate only by email so i can figure out what's up. I don't have alot of money to go back to court. I wonder if I can prove he's not cooperating, then he can pay my legal fees to go back and change this? I think he's mad at me. Normally i have right of first refusal. I am off work tomorrow and thur and Firday. i know he's working and the kids will be with a sitter. So he's not responding to my emails about having custody of the kids on those days.


Dday- March 1, 2012
M 17 years
EA? 4 years
2 boys ages 10 and 12
Divorced- 12/17/2012

Posts: 96 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Illinois
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We didn't have kids, so I don't know whether this is advisable (or legal)... but why couldn't you say that you are going to record all conversations from now on, if he continues not to respond by email.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have a coparenting agreement where expenses are shared 50/50. It requires communication. He will discuss things on the phone with me but then change his mind. alot of our conversations are circular and i can't tell what we decided when all is done. so I'm trying to communicate only by email so i can figure out what's up.

This is even more reason to stick to text or emails. Unless there is an order that says you have to speak to him on the phone, you don't have to and he can't force you to. He can leave a message if he wants to call and you can reply with a text or email.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4782 | Registered: Feb 2008
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have a coparenting agreement where expenses are shared 50/50. It requires communication. He will discuss things on the phone with me but then change his mind. alot of our conversations are circular and i can't tell what we decided when all is done. so I'm trying to communicate only by email so i can figure out what's up.
This is even more reason to stick to text or emails. Unless there is an order that says you have to speak to him on the phone, you don't have to and he can't force you to. He can leave a message if he wants to call and you can reply with a text or email.
I completely agree with this response. I think he wants to "discuss things on the phone" and he doesn't want to put it in email so that he always has an out and doesn't have to commit, should something better come up. Plus, he can always deny a phone conversation, it's hard to deny an email.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX didn't want to talk on email or text either. He would call and call. I too felt that I couldn't force him to do anything and was stuck.
Took me one time too many of his verbal and emotional abuse before I put my foot down.
No you can't make him talk on email. AND he can't make you talk on the phone.
It started with editing him in my phone profile where all his calls go straight to voicemail.
When he would call. I would wait a bit and then send a "yes, did you need something?"
After a while, the texts weren't NC enough either. So I stopped responding to texts and would respond on emails.
It took about a month of him trying to engage and get me to text or take calls. I'm more stubborn than he is.
Now he is a somewhat trained STBX. We only correspond on email. He doesn't even try and text me anymore.
Just remember, you have control over what you will and won't allow.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2263 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So stop asking him questions. Give him information and let him agree or disagree.

"Per our decree, your parenting time goes into effect at 6pm Wednesday night. Please let me know by Monday 6pm if you do NOT plan to exercise your visitation. If I do not hear from you, I will assume you will follow the decree and will have the children ready for pick up at 6pm. Please note that I am very busy and cannot answer phone calls, and an email reply will be sufficient."


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.