It is time to focus on me and our son. He is going to need me now more than ever.
Because THAT is going to happen and you need to figure out what you will do when it does. Your comment about jail will "maybe open his eyes" tells me that when that call comes, you will be right there for him until the next time he fucks you over.
Reach out to food banks, if you aren't spending money on groceries it helps free up more money than you realize.
Reach out to Catholic Charities, Lutheran Family Services, and others for assistance. Even the United Way, all of them have resources for financial assistance, and trust me they want to give the money to someone who is actually helping themselves. Check with your employer to see if they have any type of IEP, or emergency services available to support you as well.
But right now, even after all of the pain he has caused, I can't say that. I still haven't found those "bitch boots" everyone has told me to find. I am still too hurt. I will get there...I think.
I am really worried about how this will affect him.
He is facing the consequences of his own actions. Everything he is experiencing is a direct result of his choices.
What about your BBM? How about how this is all affecting your child? What about you? Don't you matter?
There is where you will find your anger. I understand you can't get mad because of how he has treated you(you'll get there)...but the way he has treated your little boy is inexcusable. Fuck that shit.
You can't control how anyone feels about him going to jail. This is a direct consequence of his shitty behavior. This is the best thing that could have happened.
He will call. Please don't give into him right away. His brain is still on drugs..anything he says for the first few weeks will be bullshit. He will love bomb you. You need to be strong, hold him accountable. Don't cave.
You can do this.
You asked about my sister. She will be in prison until late next year. She overdosed last June..and it caused a stroke. She is 22, and will walk with a limp for the rest of her life. And after the overdose and stroke, she went right back to using until she was arrested. She was on house arrest when she overdosed. She is 18 years younger than me and more like my first child than my sister. I hate that she is there..but she was going to die otherwise. You need to get to a place in your heart where you understand this...his going to prison...May have saved his life. I hope he gets clean, for your son's sake.
Bitch boots. He has torn your son's heart out..who cares why? The result is the same.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
The result of her NOT helping him, NOT being there for him? He has been clean and sober since 1997 after using drugs for many years. He is active in NA and a role model for so many people. I'm proud to be his sister.
I know it will be hard, but DON'T take those calls. For the sake of all of you. He has to hit rock bottom.
He was very upset, which surprises me. I didn't expect him to call this soon. I figured he was mad and blaming me. He is worried about a home plan. I told him to use his whores. She was good enough to leave his family for, she should be good enough to do that. He thinks he will be there for at least a month before he sees the parole board and then probably only a month after that. That won't be enough to get his head straight.
Of course, by the end of the conversation he told me he loved me. Sure he does now, he needs me.
That by itself should be enough for you to get angry.
However, I am proud of myself. He called last night to talk to our son. (Which by the way, he has talked to him more now that he is in prison than the entire time he was screwing his whore!) After talking to him, he asked if I wanted to talk to him. As hard as it was, I said "No, I don't have anything to say to him." Hopefully, I can keep up that strength and he will really start to think about things.
His old boss found out today and called to check on us. He said he had been noticing some changes in him as well in the last month. I guess everyone but me could see it. I went to the library today and got a few books that have been recommended. One I found that wasn't but I have really gotten interested in sounds just like me. The codependency, the constant need for communication with him, among many other things.
Yesterday was really hard for me. His dad was really showing his ass and threatening to call the cops on me and take me to court over different things that I have at our house. A tv, a power washer, a washing machine...things that my husband brought to our home. As if I need his crazy drunken ranting on top of everything else.
It just seems to be one thing on top of another...I got paid today...and had to pay real estate taxes out of that. So I have less than $100 left to make it through the month. Another day in paradise...I am taking an antidepressant. I haven't noticed any changes yet but it has only been a few days. On a positive note, I have lost 18.5 pounds. I am almost at my drivers license weight!
Please reach out to those resources. You need help accept it.
Start planning on what you are going to do in the near future.
No more excuses for bad behavior. More than likely, your boy will have to deal with his addict father for many, many years and he needs for you to show him that he can love his dad but, doesn't have to accept shitty behavior from him.
I'm so glad you made that trip to the library! It tells me that you know that this is what you need to do. Reach out to the resources that Tushnurse outlined for you. Sometimes just a little relief can make all the difference to keep you going! Come on girl! You can do this!
Please avail yourself to all the resources available to you. Attend alanon meetings, post here, read the healing library.
I know how deep the pain of betrayal is. I spent many mornings, literally on the floor, rolled up in a ball, wondering how could I get through the pain. I did. All I had to do was breath through the pain. Nothing more. Trust that you possess an inner core of strength that will get you through this.
Listen to your husband's actions, not his words. I found that my STBX's words were lies.
Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone!
I hate this. But I know what I need to do. If not for me, but for our son. At this point, I don't know if I am strong enough to NOT let him come home. Luckily, I have at least a month, if not longer to really think about things. We both have some serious reevaulating to do.
Let him get his shit together and PROVE to you that he can be a good partner and father. That won't happen in a months time. He needs to have the gift a long time to sit in some of the pain, misery and uncertainty that he finds himself in so that he MAY have an incentive to never put himself in that position again.