He is broken, and has chosen not to fix himself. It's that simple. It isn't because he didn't love you enough, it's because he can't love you.
He is an addict. He is the only one that can fix that.
My whole body hurts. I still can't sleep and I can't eat. I feel like I am dying inside
The only thing I want to say is that, I completely know what it feels like to have your life ripped away from you by the person you trusted the most. You will NOT die inside, you WILL recover, and yes, the sun will come up tomorrow. Unfortunately, your situation dictates that you act swiftly, and grieve later. Do what the smart women here are telling you, put on your bitch boots, and use em!
Moving thru this is like trying to swim thru quicksand with both of your legs cuts off. The pain is so great that we can't see the small things going on around us. Please try to remember to hug that little boy and make sure he knows its going to be ok. They are so innocent in all of this and can tend to feel that it might have been something they have done to cause all of this. This is such a tender age so think about what he absolutely needs to know and try to spare him of having to deal with all the adult emotions that he hasnt had time to develop yet. He knows that you are in crisis mode and, he will need some extra reassurance that his life isn't going to be the next to go over the cliff.
Hang in there. You are doing great even if you can't feel it yet.
If he chooses to be a parole violator, you will be formally separated for X length of time. Since OW has your truck, it's just too bad you can't visit while he's locked,up, isn't it? Or maybe you had to sell it due to bad memories.
MC isn't high on the prison agenda,,so that opportunity is missing in action, too.
You have to live your life, but I doubt many would choose to remain with a WH whose appearance in your life was randomly voluntarily interrupted or involuntarily interrupted. And such is hardly stable,for,your child.
Think about your future.
He finally did call him last night, hours after. He talked to him for about 30 minutes. Of course, my son asked when he was coming home. He told him he didn't know, he needs to talk to me today. My son asked if he wanted to talk to me then and he said no. He just doesn't have the balls to tell him. I have told my son that I don't think he will be coming home. I have tried to tell him as much as the truth as I can, all while still protecting him.
I am trying to be strong in front of him. I have to. I cry myself to sleep. I cry in the shower. I cry all the way to and from work. But I am doing my damndest to dry the tears when he is around. It isn't easy. But I hate myself for letting him see this. For putting him through this.
I just want my husband and my family back. Stupid? Maybe, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. My family is all against it. My friends are against it. I really don't think it matters because at this point, I don't think he wants to come back. I know I need to stop all communication with him. But it is so hard....I just need him. My son needs him.
You've taken care of him for the last 10 years, now you must give yourself permission to let him take care of himself. You must step up and be th stable parent for your kid. Right now your kid has none. You see what it's done to him, you must be the mom he so desperately needs now.
I'm so sorry. It isn't fair, it isn't pleasant, and it will never go back to "normal". And if being his mother hen is normal then someday you will be glad he fired you form the job of being his nursemaid.
I'm glad you have your dads support. Keep putting one step in front of the other. Early days are horrible, but they get better as you get distance.
It won't happen. He has chosen his lifestyle, and a stable, loving home has no allure to him.
No matter what you do, no matter how many times you explain yourself by saying "but I love him" or "you don't know him like I do, he's really a god person", he is wired to live his life the way he wants to. And you cannot change that. A pit bull is never going to be a lap dog or even a retriever. He isn't going to be a stable, loving husband and father.
Have you started to read the Healing Library? It's above Dr. Phil' s smiling face in the left hand column. You are not the first person on this earth to have a spouse like yours. Read and heed. Some have gotten past the mess you find yourself in.
All you did with that phone call was to legitimize his actions to himself. It showed him you are a weak, crying, woman and he is SO MUCH BETTER OFF without you and with his current OW.
Stop it. Stop it NOW.
Don't EVER do the "pick me" dance.
Stop telling your son what is going on in the marriage. You are using him as your soft place to fall and that is not his job. YOU are his parent, and YOU need to be strong for him.
Stop this crying. It isn't getting you anywhere and it's upsetting your son.
We've given you advise and it's time you find those Bitch Boots you have in the back of your closet and put them on.
Stop crying. Your marriage as you knew it is over.
Go see a lawyer and learn what to expect. Knowledge is power.
You have a son to protect. Find that mamma bear within you and let her roar.
I appreciate all of the advice and I really am trying to do what everyone is suggesting. I have turned off the tears, the best that I can. I am working. I am trying to keep my mind off things. But all I can think about at night is him laying next to her. Him telling her all the things he told me. The images won't go away, no matter how much I try.
He abdicated that role.
Have you considered checking with your doctor to see about getting some sleeping meds?
I finally had the courage to tell him to stop contacting me and I will do the same to him. I will leave him alone. He has had numerous chances to come home and attempt to right his wrong. He doesn't want to. It is hard for me. But something has to change. What I am doing is not working. It is taking it's toll on my health. I am the only parent left, obviously.
He took some old air conditioner units out of the garage while I was at work to scrap for money. I had someone who was going to buy those because he left me WITHOUT A DIME. That really bothers me. Everything really bothers me.
It is so hard for me not to text him EVERY TIME something crosses my mind. But I have to stop. Maybe that will give him the wake up he needs.
You will get through this. So if he is getting this job that is going to be so much better, is he going to pass the drug screen?? I doubt it.
One thing you have to learn to accept immediately is that YOU CANNOT BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH. He is a liar, and cheater, he is thinking and acting like an addict. Do not allow him to suck you into his drama.
That is awful that he stole to get money. What doe he need it for? He is only thinking of himself, not you and certainly not his son.
You are in dire straits right now it sounds like. Not a dime to your name, no support, and addict spouse who is stealing from you. This is abuse.
Please do a few things to ensure you and your sons well being.
1. Contact the local womens shelter. They don't care if you haven't been beaten to a bloody pulp. They exist to help women at all levels of abuse. Things they can help you with include but are not limited to.
Finding work to support you and your son (if you are not working).
Working with utility companies to prevent them from being shut off because you can't pay the bills right now.
Seriously. These people are there to help. Let them.
If you are unwilling to do this, at least Google food banks, if you can get a weeks worth of groceries its one less worry. Food is expensive.
It's time to reach out to family and friends as well, and ask for their support and help.
On the positive side, or negative in my eyes...he hasn't contacted me at all today. I haven't texted him either. I know I told him not to, but I really hoped he would. I really hoped he would wake up. Wishful thinking, I know.
If you expose yourself to him in your fragile state, his words will confuse and manipulate, and even though you know this in your brain, it's hard to make your heart believe it.
Concentrate on you. Concentrate on your son.
Start getting your ducks in a row, and take care of what needs to be taken care of.
He is not going to save you. He is not going to save himself at this point. It is up to you to show your son what a strong, healthy woman is.
Change the garage door opening code.
He ABANDON your family. He left. He has no more rights at your home. Didn't he take his stuff already? Then there is no reason he should be there.
Get an appointment with your doctor for STDs and look into something to help with the depression.
You are right, you need to find your anger. Make a list of all the shit that has been going on. Just the facts, not what you wish were happening and don't make any excuses for him. I'll start:
He left. Said he went to his moms, he didn't.
He didn't contact me and didn't return my texts or calls.
He was gone for 16 days.
He came home and acted as if nothing happened.
Now its your turn. Keep going on that list - you'll find that anger.
File for divorce. You don't have to go through with it (if he changes his ways), but the act of filing will give you some legal protection.
TAKE HIS NAME OFF YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS!
On Saturday, I wake up to 18 text messages. His little whore had posted a picture of them together on facebook. That devastated me and pissed me off. I sent him a message telling him off and telling him to come get EVERYTHING out of my house. As of now, all he really has is some clothes. SHE messaged me back telling me what a happy couple they are...blah blah blah....by the afternoon, I had backed down on making him come get his things. He did finally answer some much needed questions. He told me that he is not in love with me anymore, he is in love with her. This started after Supercross...MARCH 29TH! It has been going on almost 3 months. We had a fight, I don't even remember what about! And that, I guess was the beginning of the end of our marriage. Looking back, I guess I should have seen more signs.
He called my son on Sunday. Didn't visit him, just called him. All I heard about all day was "my dad, my dad". It absolutely breaks my heart. He wanted to text him good night last night. Of course, no response. Today, I hear that one of her friends is talking about how much her daughter loves him. Yeah, his son loves him too. And I'm sure that his whores kids would love to spend time with THEIR mom, too. Doesn't anyone realize how many people they are hurting? Innocent children.
I told him that he has to meet me TODAY to get all of his things out of the house. As long as they are there, I have hope he will be coming home. That is still what I want more than anything. I can make him love me again. I stil think he needs help.
He doesn't want to get his things out, he needs that home address for parole. I'm sure he also wants to keep me hanging on. The fun and partying will end. He will want his family, his life, his home.
I am so heartbroken. It was so hard to hear him say he doesn't love me. He loves someone else. How do I recover from this?
You pull yourself together, if for no other reason than to be the strong positive parent for your child. You are not a doormat, do not allow yourself to be one.
Hefty bag his shit, and text him that he has until 8 pm the following day to get it. If it's still there after that it's going to Salvation Army.
Add locks to the home.
Call his parole officer and let him know that he is no longer residing in your home.
Not telling this person is enabling him to do what he wants and damn the consequences to everyone. NOT OK.
Get good and angry. Use that anger to make some changes to protect yourself and your child.
Do it NOW. Do it TODAY.
You will feel better when you start acting.