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User Topic: Update
Betrayeduk
♀ Member
Member # 43630
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I came back home.

My WH denies the texts were as I had found before. It was all about SS as he has been withdrawn with his mother during telephone conversations. I can't prove they weren't.

He has agreed to MC and I have told him SS will have counselling too. I have contacted relate and am waiting for a phone call. I have told him I want us to work but we can't do that without help. I don't believe he accepts any responsibility and I'm hoping MC will help him see that my 50% blame for our problems may have been caused by his actions. I live in hope. If I am made to feel the bad one beyond this then that will be my line in the sand.

On a side note - after "sext gate" number 3 in January I banned XW/OW/SS mother from our house and made an effort to avoid all contact. She still drops SS off on doorstep and WH communicates. I will no longer be hiding. She wants a handover then I will be the one doing it.


Posts: 60 | Registered: Jun 2014
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you. Set your boundaries and stick to them.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He lies, lies, lies and you keep allowing him to. You stated yourself your weak spot is your SS, so he uses SS as his excuse for being in contact with his OW. All of this after he said he hadn't been in contact with her at all.

At this point, it doesn't matter if you go to MC because he's not doing it because he wants help. He's just doing whatever he needs to in order to appease you.

He has shown you his true self repeatedly. Why won't you see him for who he is?


Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13803 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Betrayeduk
♀ Member
Member # 43630
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lieshurt - I very much appreciate your honesty and I'm fairly sure my best friend is at home thinking the same.

I know he is only doing MC to appease me and I know when we talk he will use SS to make me feel bad about last night.

But I want to show my beautiful SS that I am willing to fight for my marriage and that there is one adult in his life trying their very best to make sure he is shown morals and standards. If it doesn't work I will be able to hand on heart say that I did my best.

After my outbursts last night I imagine he is totally mushed up. I am here to ensure he gets an outlet for it all this time. His relationship with his mother is rocky at best and I can't imagine I will have helped.

Thank you.


Posts: 60 | Registered: Jun 2014
Betrayeduk
♀ Member
Member # 43630
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lies hurt - you were right. In a bigger way than I thought possible.

He doesn't want SS to go counselling. Doesn't want to go counselling but will because I'm blackmailing him. He hasn't done anything wrong. He is 41 years old and does not need to report to me who he talks to.SS knew about the contact.me walking out has really damaged SS.

It seems me walking out to protect me has strengthened father and son. They're laughing and joking and I'm dying inside.


Posts: 60 | Registered: Jun 2014
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:03 AM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no advice BD as I see your in quite a pickle. He says your blackmailing him to go to mc and I think he's blackmailing you by using ss. Oh how I despise a parent who use their kids to hurt someone who loves them, thus hurting the child in the long run. I hope some solution and clarity come to you and there's a peaceful way to fix this. Seems he dangles this boy over your head knowing you love him. So unfair.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 4:04 AM, June 13th (Friday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Betrayeduk))

MC is a waste of time & money if both people are not invested in it (as I certainly found out). But IC for both of you - or just you - can be helpful.

Have you done the reading in Healing Library?
Perhaps working on The 180 will help you.

If your WH is saying he wants to R, and not participate in 'bad behaviors' anymore, he needs to do some work. Although there is prolly no such thing as an ideal marriage, what does he think one looks like? This?

Sending you strength and hope.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 491 | Registered: Nov 2013
Betrayeduk
♀ Member
Member # 43630
Default  Posted: 4:25 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SS is at his mothers this weekend. So WH and I were alone last night. It was ok. I am trying the 180 so am not starting conversations as I usually do. He eventually brought the other night up. And it's all about the state SS was in.

I am maybe starting to believe the contact was about SS but it doesn't make sense at same time. All I know is that there has been previous sexual contact and I don't believe it was all her. Even though I know she wants to hurt me.

He still does not want to go to MC as he maintains he hasn't done anything. The problem in our marriage is one woman. He wants to make us work though so will do what I want.

At least he's not talking to me like crap anymore.


Posts: 60 | Registered: Jun 2014
tfkeel
♂ Member
Member # 19517
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to show my beautiful SS that I am willing to fight for my marriage and that there is one adult in his life trying their very best to make sure he is shown morals and standards. If it doesn't work I will be able to hand on heart say that I did my best.

I had this on my mind, too.

My elder son grew up and married a skank who not only cheated on him, she faked pregnancies, committed a felony, and left him in the hospital with 12 stitches in his face.

He is, to this day, after 16 years, still with her.

I have wished a million times that I packed my bags, walked the hell out, and never came back.


Posts: 517 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 9

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