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User Topic: Help! WH is Acting Strange and I'm Confused!
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Realitybites, you said:
"I know this was hard to write. But you do know how backwards this sounds right? It means you would rather NOT know, even if he is still cheating. But I do understand. Fear is really what holds us back"

You are right and that is why I feel like I am going crazy over here. I DO fear there is another woman in Chicago. It is the first time I have not been included in a business trip since D-day. Plus, there was the instance of the flowers sent there a few years back that he swore were for his mother. I believe that, if there is a woman there, he will more than likely be breaking it up next week. His counseling has been going well and he has deleted contacts from his cell and FB as a result.

BUT, if he breaks up with this one the way he did with the last one, I am kicking him out. With the last one, he spent 2 nights at her place. They saw a play together, had several last f---s, and passed out drunk in each other's arms before he told her it was over!!

So...yeah, I am terrified of finding out. And I pray with all my heart that there is nobody there and nothing going on. And that the reason I am not included is because these trips are costing us a fortune and it isn't the city where his AP lives, like most of the other trips we've been on, so I don't NEED to be there.

With that said, I have a cousin who lives in this city and I have contacted him. I just told him that my H will be in town and how nice it would be if he could surprise him. It's the best I could think of.

I really hate what my life has become since D-day. Thanks for being there!!


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 428 | Registered: May 2014
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The truth is there whether you look at it or not. ......

Take back your life. No man is worth hiding for.

(((Hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Sumrlady
♀ Member
Member # 4355
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have ordered flowers too many times to mention and they have never been noted with a city other than the one they were delivered to. FTD (or any major florist) is just a clearing house. They take the orders and send them on to a local florist that actually fulfills the order. The local florist charges you, and sends FTD a cut of the money.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover-Mark Twain

Posts: 3138 | Registered: May 2004 | From: N. California
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Needfriend))))

I hired a PI. It's not that hard. I went online and did some research and then made some calls. Mine was a retired cop. We met at a coffee shop parking lot (so cliche!). It was expensive but he also set up my H's polygraph and when he passed and surveillance turned up nothing I got money back. You could find someone in Chicago I'm sure.

I wonder if your H made that fuss and got pouty as a pretext for an excuse for you not to go.

I know that my H didn't truly change until all the truth was out. I've seen it both ways and the difference is significant.

Wishing you the best.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1768 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, Needsafriend, but this is pretty simple. Your agreement for reconciliation is that you go on all business trips. He's refusing to take you on one. Broken agreement = broken reconciliation. Lay down your boundaries now or this won't be the last time you have this issue.

It's simple: "You go on this business trip without me and I hire a lawyer the next morning and start the divorce process. You get to choose which is more important to you- our marriage or your business trip. Choose the business trip and I'm done. I've been second choice long enough."


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4161 | Registered: Sep 2005
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sumrllady, you wrote: "I have ordered flowers too many times to mention and they have never been noted with a city other than the one they were delivered to. FTD (or any major florist) is just a clearing house. They take the orders and send them on to a local florist that actually fulfills the order. The local florist charges you, and sends FTD a cut of the money."

Wow! This just made my heart sink. But I needed to know. It's what I suspected and it makes me sick. My H is sometimes so full of crap - a real smooth liar. After all, he had me snowed for 6 years. 6 frickin' years!!!

Well, my cousin has offered to surprise my H with a visit at his Hotel. He has no clue what is going on with us and that is probably good. I hope it's enough. And I still hope and pray I am being paranoid for nothing...I hope and pray that there is no AP in this city...Man, that would just be too much. I have really had it with surprises...

Hugs to you all!! And thanks!! SO much...


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 428 | Registered: May 2014
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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