Realitybites, you said:
"I know this was hard to write. But you do know how backwards this sounds right? It means you would rather NOT know, even if he is still cheating. But I do understand. Fear is really what holds us back"
You are right and that is why I feel like I am going crazy over here. I DO fear there is another woman in Chicago. It is the first time I have not been included in a business trip since D-day. Plus, there was the instance of the flowers sent there a few years back that he swore were for his mother. I believe that, if there is a woman there, he will more than likely be breaking it up next week. His counseling has been going well and he has deleted contacts from his cell and FB as a result.
BUT, if he breaks up with this one the way he did with the last one, I am kicking him out. With the last one, he spent 2 nights at her place. They saw a play together, had several last f---s, and passed out drunk in each other's arms before he told her it was over!!
So...yeah, I am terrified of finding out. And I pray with all my heart that there is nobody there and nothing going on. And that the reason I am not included is because these trips are costing us a fortune and it isn't the city where his AP lives, like most of the other trips we've been on, so I don't NEED to be there.
With that said, I have a cousin who lives in this city and I have contacted him. I just told him that my H will be in town and how nice it would be if he could surprise him. It's the best I could think of.
I really hate what my life has become since D-day. Thanks for being there!!