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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wedding anniversary
marlie2014
♀ Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday would have been my ninth wedding anniversary. The divorce was final just a few weeks ago, so I had hoped to make yesterday a much more memorable day than it was last year -- when my XWH, otherwise known as the Rat, spent at least half of our anniversary dinner talking on his cell phone and then as we were watching a movie later on left in the middle to 'see a guy about a car.' (Now I realize he probably left to see one of his girlfriends, but whatever)

I got up in the morning with a giant zit on my chin, tried to cover it up the best I could, dressed up and went to take care of some business before work. It was a disaster, so I went to work feeling flustered and irritated. The workday wasn't so great, and halfway through the day my shoe broke. I was wearing a very beautiful pair of red-and-tan suede heels, and my left shoe split open at the side. Walking from work to the parking garage was an adventure.

Finally, I went home after work to wait for a professional A/C repairman to come and fix my A/C because it was 106 degrees outside (A/C had been on the fritz since last week and a 'friend' who was supposed to fix it ended up bailing). He was supposed to come at 6pm, so I had hoped afterwards to treat myself to dinner out somewhere; however, he and his fellow repairman didn't show up until nearly 9pm, at which point I had already given up the idea of dinner out in despair. I ate some ham and cheese and crackers, turned on classical music and settled on my sofa with a book.

I didn't think I was going to think too much about my wedding day, but I did. My attention wandered a few times and I found myself walking sadly down memory lane, remembering how happy I was that day and what a good match we seemed to be. Little did I know what sick tendencies were lurking under the surface. I had to shake myself to stop thinking about it; I wished I hadn't spent the evening alone, but I had no choice because it was either be terribly hot or wait for the late repairmen.

By the time the repairmen came, I was just finishing up a workout which helped chase some of the marriage demons away. One good thing at least happened yesterday -- they fixed the A/C in about 15 minutes and it cost me the equivalent of $16 U.S. dollars.

Finally I took a shower and went to bed.

Happy anniversary to me.

When that day comes, do any of you think about the ghosts of anniversaries past or feel anything much? I really wanted to make it a great day, but everything went wrong until the end of it.


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((marlie))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

The first few years after the D are hard. But it does get easier, I promise. Last year it came and went and I did not even realize it.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17683 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lord, honey. What a day.

I've had three anniversaries since everything blew up. The first one was a great day - I was on a cruise with my best girl pals, and we snorkeled with sea turtles. I didn't think about it being my anniversary until late in the day (vacations tend to screw with my sense of date and time).

The next one would have been our 25th, and all our friends were celebrating their 25th anniversaries with big trips, parties, etc. That one was tough.

This last one, I didn't even think of it until it had passed and even then, it was a fleeting thought.

You'll get there, honey. Until you do, big hugs. (((((marlie)))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25717 | Registered: Aug 2011
dontknowwhyme
♂ Member
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It certainly does get easier with time. Mine was last week. I didn't realize it until two days after. Oops guess I don't so much anymore.


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 1004 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
marlie2014
♀ Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, that helps. Last night was better. I went out to dinner with a friend and we went shoe shopping, too. Definitely a better day!


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
reallystruggling
♀ Member
Member # 23471
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if it is any solace to you, i was married for almost 2 decades. ihave been divorced for 4 years. and only after reading your post did i realize that TODAY would have been my wedding anniversary. must've slipped my mind :) i used to cry on anniverary date, DDay date, his birthday. now i just plain old forgot it because it simply isnt relevant in my life now.
hugs.


me- BS (40 something)
him- remarried and already a WS again
3 amazing kids
multiple D Days over 20 years
Divorced 2010

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2009
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When that day comes, do any of you think about the ghosts of anniversaries past or feel anything much?
Each year it seems to get easier... I think sadness on anniversaries indicate we valued our marriage, our dreams, vows etc. meant something to us. It is a understandable thing that this makes us sad, even years later, because it means we valued something that our WS's didn't value. I'm working at letting myself feel all my feelings, even the ones I don't "like"...rather than trying to push them away or avoid them. Sadness is a natural human response.

That said, I like having something planned with friends for "those" days, but sometimes that doesn't work out. Glad the next day was better (SHOES!) and that your air conditioner now works!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3207 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 8

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