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User Topic: Fathers Day?
ckss4
♀ Member
Member # 43691
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious for those of you with children, how do you deal with fathers day? I am in the very beginning stages of my betrayal, so the last thing I feel like doing is celebrating him as a father. He has put everything below him, including his children, he doesn't deserve a fathers day.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jun 2014
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure how old your kids are, but unless your kids bring it up as that's something they want to do, don't feel you have to bother. Especially if your WH have continues to be selfish or un-remorseful.

If you don't feel like it. Don't do it. He certainly "gifted" you that right.

yop

ETA - by "they" above I meant your WH. corrected

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 1:10 PM, June 13th (Friday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2179 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about your father? Is he still with you? Putting the focus on him with the kids is a nice way to still honor the day.

If the kids express wanting to do something for their dad I would gently say that it's a good idea to go along with their wishes - they don't deserve a drop of the heartache and confusion that this causes. Obviously this is in no way your fault, but I still think it's important to try and protect their little hearts as much as possible as we mitigate the fallout.

This doesn't mean you have to do a darned thing. I just mean that if they want to make a card or go to breakfast or something, I think it would be ok to let the kids have the day shape up the way they need it to, if that makes sense. You're doing it for them - you're offering them some kind of stability that your WH stole. I reiterate - this is only if THEY feel the need. Otherwise I'd be checking out what grandpa or uncle-awesome is up to on Sunday.

(((ckss4)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:57 PM, June 13th (Friday)]


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17787 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kiddos are all young enough not to really be able to do things solo but old enough to know what/when Father's Day is. Im helping them do something for their father. I knit (for my personal enjoyment and relaxation) so I let them pick a pattern out for me to make for him. They are making cards and helping made breakfast/lunch. He has to work Father's Day so there won't be much time for to much, which is a good thing since I don't know if I have the emotional stability right now to hear how "wonderful" my husband is.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
Thiswontbreakme
♀ Member
Member # 35359
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's what I did...This morning I sent him and the kids to his mother's with a gift from the kids only. Nothing from me. I get the weekend to myself and I'll see my own dad Sunday and have a lot less stress this way.

Posts: 160 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: No where near where I hope to be someday
TheIrishGirl
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're going to the ILs. They don't know what's going on with us (or what their son has done), only that their son has two amazing daughters. So we'll celebrate my WH and FIL. FIL is fabulous. WH has been a wonderful father for the two months since DDay, so maybe I'll try to focus on that... No gifts from me, other than making his favorite cookies because our oldest loves to bake.


Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 568 | Registered: May 2014
shatteredheart12
♀ Member
Member # 43567
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH lives with OW and her kids, so they will celebrate him tomorrow, my kids mean nothing to him so they won't be wishing him a "happy father's day", and my dad lives in another province, tomorrow will just be another day

Posts: 53 | Registered: May 2014
Whatever13
♂ New Member
Member # 41468
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DDay #1 was the eve of Father's Day, 2009, and I'll never forget it. Her suspicious, clandestine behavior with her old "friend" went on for nearly 3 months before I finally got it out of her. She said they "just kissed for a few minutes". I'll never really know if it went further than that, unless she tells me. The real horror of it all though, was that when she told me, she was 3 months pregnant with our son. I questioned my paternity for a over a year, and it was likely the most painful thing I've ever felt in my life.

My son is 4 now, and I'm happy to say that we share some pretty definitive physical features. Any doubt has gone completely. But I must say, Father's Day has been tainted ever since. I will spend the day with my children, and enjoy their company as always, but as far the wife and I go, any Father's Day notions on her part may just as well be forgotten.


Me (BS): 27
Her (WS): 25

DDay #1- 6/09 PA
DDay #2- 3/13 EA

Still riding the roller coaster of ambivalent limbo.


Posts: 28 | Registered: Nov 2013
sunvalley
♀ Member
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm almost a year out, and have never been a card buyer. When WS birthday came around, he didn't get a card even from the kids until he got upset about it (although we threw a big party, because I like to entertain and it was easier on me than shopping for him to throw a party for our friends). I didn't want a repeat of the woe is me act, so I went out tonight to get a Father's Day card and a gift. There is not a card out there that I felt I could buy for him, it sucked looking at all these 'you're amazing, you are so loving yada yada' crap. I am going to try to make Father's Day about the kids and him. His bond with them is what it's supposed to be about anyways and since DDay he has strengthened that immensely. I also know last Father's Day he was brought to tears by the kids gifts from school because his guilt overwhelmed him. We are in R, but Father's Day is hard on me, so I am distancing myself from making it a big deal...thank goodness friends have invited us to a BBQ...good distraction!


Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs, multiple online As

Posts: 646 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 9

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