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Newest Member: madattheworld (45057)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: OW Contacted Me!
YooperLady
♀ New Member
Member # 43705
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS and I put together an NC. What was a waste of time that was. She has since contacted both of us (less than 24 hrs later). She said she wouldn't discuss her "warm and loving" relationship with WS with me then proceeded to discuss it (email). Also sent WS an email. I wanted to block her from future contact and WS and I had another fight. He said "she needs a place to vent". I know I shouldn't have opened it. Now I'm back in the pits again.

[This message edited by YooperLady at 9:37 PM, June 13th (Friday)]


D Day June 2014
Me 59
fWH 67
Married 6 years

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry

Really though. .. he should be showing concern for you, not her.

Take care of yourself.

(((Hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She can vent on the ow forum.

He needs to be more understanding of your feelings.

Hugs
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5161 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
YooperLady
♀ New Member
Member # 43705
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told him he was putting her feelings in front of mine! Then a row ensued where I got rather unkind. We have an appt with a marriage counselor on Monday and I plan to bringing it up there.


D Day June 2014
Me 59
fWH 67
Married 6 years

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have every right to block her. Don't respond to her, She doesn't deserve the attention.

Have you read through the healing library? Ĺots of great info there.

You did nothing to deserve this.

I am so sorry for your pain.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What she needs should be of no concern to him at all. NC means NC. I'd take out a protective order.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3692 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
BlackHorse
♂ Member
Member # 43459
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for the total lack of regard given to you by your "WS".

My own situation is still fresh to me so I cannot be anything but hostile towards others who's selfishness created such situations which many of us are facing right now.

My own "wayward" got all concerned for her "OM" (a man she said she was no longer in contact with - nor did she care about) when she heard me say I could destroy his reputation as a leading real estate in his State by contacting his realty company / the Real Estate Board of the State he works from / and the Real Estate Board of the city he works from.

I would mention he was using his influence to sexually exploit a physically and mentally challenged woman - aka my "wayward" from a near death car accident decades ago.

I did not care if the shit thrown at the wall by me would stick or not - I just wanted it to leave a stain - and cast some doubt on his credibility for future consideration.

She is still protecting him. My "wayward" and her "OM" have nothing to fear from me now since he can have her. I know too much about her now. They deserve each other.

For her and myself there is no hope for "R".

For you - your "WS" should consider the consequences of his actions very much right now - even if he did not consider the consequences of his actions before he created all the pain due to his selfishness.

I am very sorry for what you are going through.

- BlackHorse.


Not together long enough - too many long separations due to her continuing medical issues.
Me - Canadian.
She - American.
Both of us in our fifties.
D-Day - 04/30/14 (while she was away seeking medical assistance in her homeland)

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The West Coast of Canada
YooperLady
♀ New Member
Member # 43705
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW made contact AGAIN to WS. This time to apologize for her nastiness. She's completely disregarding the NC. While I did block her on his computer, I did realize I have to block her on his tablet too.


D Day June 2014
Me 59
fWH 67
Married 6 years

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW needs a place to vent? AYFKM???

Neither of you owe her anything. Much less emotional support to deal with her skankiness.

I call BS. He is trying to maintain contact with her.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I call BS. He is trying to maintain contact with her.

I was thinking the same thing as Nekorb as I was reading through it. Have seen that many times on here before even after NC. He should be equally involved in blocking her. Most importantly, what does your WH say about her contact? What is his reaction when you brought it to his attention?


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2153 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW! She needs a place to vent?

NC means just that. NO CONTACT. I would block her in every way possible. That means block her on every phone number, email address and social media. Better yet! I would delete any email addresses she knows and have him make a new one. Have your WH change his cell phone number as well. There's no reason for OW to be able to contact you or WH at all.

Stop letting your WH set the rules about what Reconciliation looks like, because its NOT maintaining contact with the OW so that she has "a place to vent" That is complete and utter bullshit!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yooper, hand him HIS tablet and tell him to block her from it. Its not the same if you do it.

Please do not respond to her. Don't give her the power.

Finally, I am sorry he responded as he did. If she needs a place to vent she can seek out a good friend or a therapist. Venting to either one of you is again, unacceptable. And it's brutal that he doesn't see this. He needs to concern himself with your well-being, not hers! It's time to start protecting you. NOT HER.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2305 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Delilah169
♀ Member
Member # 43689
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((YooperLady))))

Very new here, very new in my healing process. Not doing well with it, so don't like to give out much advice yet.

But having tremendous experience w/being contacted by OW, I feel this is something I can comment on. First, block her yourself from everything, cell, email, tablets, home phone, anything else I haven't thought of.

Second, WS NEEDS to do the same. In front of you. If he agreed to a NC then it is HIS responsibility to adhere to it. I would allow him one more email where he tells her "GO VENT ELSEWHERE AND LEAVE ME AND MY FAMILY ALONE OR WE WILL GET RESTRAINING ORDER". Then he must block her from everything.

Ask him right up front if he has any secret email accounts or the like. You'll know if he lies about it. And watch for dating sites. My H and OW had profiles set up on such a site and used that to communicate after I watched him block all other avenues.

Good luck and peace to you.


Me - BS, Him - WS
Her - POS WB Fake Friend
Married - 22 Years, together 25
One 21 yo DD
DD - 4/28/13, TT since then
Trying hard for R
"Life might be a little simpler if we just got over it"
"It all seems so clear in hindsight"

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2014
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We send NC requests hoping they have seen the wrongs in their A relationship and will honor it. We found out that an OW that knowingly has an A with a married man will not necessarily have enough morals to accept the NC concept. They already prove that a little marriage vow will not keep them apart, why a little NC request.

The OW made several email, text, phone, and gift deliveries after NC request was made. She even sent an email patting herself on the back for being "quiet" and seeking her own support in the break up. What she did not know was that I had already forwarded all emails to my computer so I got them all. She sent him a hokey hand made birthday gift, mix cd's with "special" instructions on how to listen to them, and on and on. She kept pursuing his "friendship", because, you know, they could continue being "just friends". The IC told my H to ignore them and give her nothing back. Nothing. That was so hard. His theory was firm NC by both of us would strangle the life out of her efforts. I wanted to strangle her.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1477 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She needs to vent? He needs a steel-toed western boot lodged up somewhere around his prostrate.

The choice is simple. Either he is with you all the way, or he is out. You don't get to protect your BWs emotional co-rapist. You toss them into the gutter where they belong, or you leave. Her "needs" should matter less than worm's spit. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4856 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
YooperLady
♀ New Member
Member # 43705
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I sit here reading previous replies, she called 2 more times. I'm sick of the rock sitting in my gut! He agreed to block her. Can't wait to see the shrink tomorrow. Maybe he'll have good words for idiot WS!


D Day June 2014
Me 59
fWH 67
Married 6 years

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
YooperLady
♀ New Member
Member # 43705
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question. Is it normal to keep on going thru his emails etc to check up on him? I don't trust him to let me know when she makes contact so I check on him.


D Day June 2014
Me 59
fWH 67
Married 6 years

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 4:33 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has no remorse whatsoever.

I think NC messages/letters are pretty ineffectual because a cheating spouse will stay in touch with his affair partner if he wants to regardless of how many NC letters you write. So an NC message is only as good as the intent of your wandering spouse. Sounds as though he's clearly still in contact with her and will just find another avenue to keep the communication between them flowing.

Anyone who has this little regard for the pain he's caused you is clearly not remorseful.

Sorry.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1765 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it's normal to keep checking his emails etc. and you will do that for a very long, long time. Do not feel guilty about that. He brought it on himself. I still check my WS emails and he never does. I tell him if there is anything there. He understands and accepts that it's all part of the healing process.

Posts: 1223 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So she is nutty as a fruitcake. The issue isn't her and her behavior, it's WH's actions. He still wants her. Nice work if you can get it having W and GF. Simpl put tell WH that he can have you and his marriage or he can contine to play around with OW. And no, he doesn't he time to decide.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 29
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