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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: OW Contacted Me!
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW needs a place to vent? AYFKM???

My sentiments exactly. And it makes me sick that he is blowing off the contact, especially to YOU, that she needs a place to vent! What about you and your feelings? Why the hell should you have to be her sounding board after what she's done to you?

I agree with the posters who said he wants to be in contact with her. Keep your radar up - he may block her on e-mail, tablet, etc., but could get a pre-paid cell phone.

Definitely broach this at MC. Frankly, IMHO, he needs IC. MC is absolutely futile of the WS is not remorseful.

Hugs to you...

Lala


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It may help to remember that an affair is like a drug -- it hits the same part of the brain that using drugs does. So, she is in withdrawal, and he is too. Let me be clear, this is not some sign of how "strong" their connection was, it is just that they used each other to get high for the length of the affair, and for some people, cold turkey is rough going.

But, it is the only way out. Educate your husband, and get him the book "Not Just Friends." Read it with him. Insist on NC, and if necessary, a trial period. Like, "give me 6-12 months of your full attention, and then if you can't be happy, so be it."

He is not thinking rationally, and either is she. Protect yourself from her, and I would seriously get a restraining order if she continues to harass you.

Biggest Q - does the OBS know? That may bring the quickest end to this, if she is married.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2065 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, know that most of what she is writing, she is meaning for his eyes. "Warm and loving?"


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2065 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your WH still wants the ego boost she provided. That's all she was you know - a way to make him feel better. She was just the person willing to play. Don't make anything about her, because she means nothing and is nothing. You're dealing with a slug that willingly had a relationship with a married man. She was thrilled to take whatever time wasn't yours, work, kids, family, etc. She's nothing, and she knows it.

As for your WH - some here will tell you that 'coming out of the fog takes time'. I'm more of a 'shock therapy' person. For a week after DDay my WH would send her a message apologizing (knowing I was going to blow it all up), etc. That stopped when I told him to get the hell out and meant it!! When I took away the option of having two, he realized really quickly which one he wanted, and it wasn't her. It almost never is.

So he wants to give her a place to vent? Great. Tell him to get his own place and let her vent, but as far as you're concerned, you're not married any longer, and tell him you want him gone NOW. He'll yell, scream, etc. and then when reality hits, he'll realize what he's done and he'll stop.

He can't imagine you not being there. Show him that you absolutely can disappear from his world, and you won't look back.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yooperlady, you said:
"She said she wouldn't discuss her "warm and loving" relationship with WS with me then proceeded to discuss it (email)"

Be careful. My H's AP did the same thing and it didn't take long for me to figure out what her plan was. At first, she SAID she wanted to "apologize". Then she proceeded to tell me how much in love my H and her were, how passionate their relationship was, how he told her she would be all his someday, etc. I have finally blocked her, but it was too late. Her words haunt me and torture me and I am pretty sure that was her intent. She wants me to be so disgusted with my H that I will not be able to recover or stand the sight of him. And, believe me, R has been difficult for me because of her "reaching out to me like she did".

If you plan on R, BLOCK HER immediately.

(((Yooperlady)))


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 423 | Registered: May 2014
phoenix2015
♀ Member
Member # 42039
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry if I missed this, but does she have a husband that needs to be seeing all this communication? If so, you need to contact him today with all this evidence.


Me: BS, 43 yrs
Him: WH, 45 yrs
Married 23 yrs
4 daughters, 7-18 yrs
D-day:9/10/13
4 week EA
Porn addiction 15 yrs

Your character is what you do when you think no one is watching.


Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2014
YooperLady
♀ New Member
Member # 43705
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW is single. She probably called 25 times over 2 days. She showed up our house, but no one was home. She dropped off some "memorbilia that was too painful to keep". WH called her to tell her it had to stop so for 18 hrs now there have been no phone calls. She is still emailing but he doesn't know that because he doesn't know how to get into "blocked" email. I'm kind of techie so I do.


D Day June 2014
Me 59
fWH 67
Married 6 years

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Restraining order. Stat.


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
YooperLady
♀ New Member
Member # 43705
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it may come to the restraining order. She's called probably another 25 times today. With this full knowledge I have set up his email so that all emails from her get returned to her. She's REALLY pissed!!! Left a nastygram on the answering machine. WH keeps apologizing. We called our marriage counselor and he said restraining order too.

I can't thank everyone enough for their support. I so desperately need this outside support. Hugs to everyone going thru this mess.


D Day June 2014
Me 59
fWH 67
Married 6 years

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 29
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