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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He filed and is trying to take my kids!
♀ Member
Member # 38408
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call the Women and Children in Crisis hotline and get a consultation about this screaming incident and his other abuse behaviors. Get a strong legal defense and shoot that #*%$&% down, asap. This just rattles me something fierce for the legitimately abused men out there.

Posts: 168 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a friggin nightmare! I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I don't know what state you are in, but in the court system here, children's wishes about which parent they want to live with are taken into account around the age of 12, and as early as 10 if the child shows the maturity to make the decision.

As everyone has said, document EVERYTHING! I have an excel spread sheet with dates, times, quotes, etc. Even if it seems small or like something you will be able to remember later, write it down anyway. I am almost 4 years out, and am surprised when I look back at old notes. Trauma makes a mess of our memories. It sounds like you are doing well at keeping screenshots and the like...well done!

Also another vote for getting to a women's shelter for assistance. The folks at my local one were an invaluable resource. I never would have thought of myself as the type of woman that would need to avail myself of their services, but am so grateful that something let my pride go enough to seek help. There is no shame in needing help, and you don't have to have 2 black eyes and a broken arm to go.

Also, please consider a counselor for your children. Not only will it help them, but will be a "professional" opinion to help offset the allegations of you as the crazy ex. I have been accused by XWS of being paranoid. DD's counselor has said XWS is never to be alone with DD. It really helps me feel like she is in my corner, and I am not crazy. It also shows you are concerned about the well being of your children.

One last thought. Just IMHO, please behave yourself as if you are in a court of law anytime you have any dealings with him. Do not do anything or put anything in writing that you would not want to repeat to a judge. Sounds silly, but it has been one piece of advice that has served me well over these last years. Keep all communications to text or email so there is a record, and limit communication to kids and finances. Again, nothing in writing that you would not read to a judge in a court of law.

I have no idea what your guy is capable of or how serious he is about his threats, but I can tell you that mine made all kinds of threats in the early days. They were all empty. He was just squirming in his shame and projecting all of his crap on me. Twisting in the wind as it were.

Please stay strong for your kiddos. This can be more of a marathon than a sprint, so please try to find time to take care of yourself. They need you!!

And please stay close here. You have found an amazing group of kind, compassionate, and wise folks.

"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."

I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 730 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 25318
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Turns out, he doesn't want custody, just wants every other weekend. His main things is he doesn't want to pay for my health insurance or alimony and wants to pay as little in child support as possible. So I was like ok, can we take custody of the kids off the table, we both agree they need to stay with me. Now we can negotiate about money.

He isn't sure he has to ask his attorney if he should see the kids in the next 6 weeks or not. He is racking up one well of a legal bill.

WH-41 2 EA's that I know of, 1 with my "best" friend of 26 years
Married almost 22 years
4 kids - 21, 18, 14, and 11
He filed D 6/11/14
Fighting me for custody

Posts: 113 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ Member
Member # 25318
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has agreed to drop his bid for custody. Now we will just fight about money. Turns out he didn't want to pay all the legal fees a contested custody battle would take.

WH-41 2 EA's that I know of, 1 with my "best" friend of 26 years
Married almost 22 years
4 kids - 21, 18, 14, and 11
He filed D 6/11/14
Fighting me for custody

Posts: 113 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, it WAS a negotiating ploy after all!

Do Not Let your relief over him dropping this unrealistic, manipulative plan, stop you from demanding what you are due and asking for what you want. You owe him NO feelings of thankfulness or gratitude for acting like an arse and trying to terrorize you. The next time he makes an unreasonable or selfish demand, remember how you feel/felt when he was going after your children, and let use that anger to be very strong and very determined. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 5097 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called my local domestic violence shelter and got free counseling for the kids and I. It puts another set of eyes on the situation--- AND you will be believed there-- the counselors hear this all the time. In my city, they go with you to court.

FYI, many of the counselors at our center were victims themselves, got out of it, and decided to help other women.

You are being abused. Please get to a counselor asap, so they can document all this AND help your kids get thru it. DO NOT TELL YOUR H YOU ARE DOING THIS.

Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2325 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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