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User Topic: Rewriting History
Smashedat58
♀ Member
Member # 41705
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got an email this morning from my STBXWH stating that our marriage had been over before he started his involvement with another woman at work. This is news to me. We were still seeing a marriage counselor, at his request, when her BH blew the whistle. I know he is nuts, for sure, and can't wait to have my divorce final.

Posts: 171 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bullshit! I hate it when they do this. My mother tries to rewrite her A history all the time. It's a pathetic lie to try and make themselves not look as bad as they really are.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2349 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I know that must feel so invalidating to you. I just want to take out a billboard for you: No, Smashedat58's WH, the marriage was not over. We were not divorced and WE were seeing a MC to work on the marriage. Didn't know "working on the marriage" included dating other people.

What sickens me the most about unremorseful WS's is that I feel they actually believe their own lies. It is so frustrating to realize that they will go through their lives feeling righteous about their part in the marriage and its failure.

Unfortunately, Smashed, it is going to take some time and healing for you to be able to accept this and not have it rankle you in some way. Fortunately, most can tell you that they do get to that place.

(((Smashed)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, honey. Unfortunately, that's par for the course. Doesn't make it any less painful and maddening, however. ((((Smashed))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26152 | Registered: Aug 2011
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It just goes to show how truly selfish and delusional they are. Rewriting your history is nothing but a crock of shit, all designed to make them feel like what they did was perfectly okay. Never mind that it's one more form of punishment and mind fuckery to us.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2879 | Registered: Jan 2011
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's exactly what everyone has said - lies they tell to themselves to avoid guilt. If they were to be honest, it would require acknowledging that they had broken a solemn oath and committed a grievous act, one which caused tremendous pain to someone they once loved enough to marry.

My XWW said something similar to me. Her actual words to me (as we were on the path to divorce) were, "You know there were reasons why I strayed." Yes. Yes I do. And, none of them had anything to do with me, just like in your situation none of the reasons had anything to do you.

I'm at the point of indifference ( for the most part), but if I'm honest, that one sentence bothers me just about as much as anything. It's the unvarnished nerve to go beyond betrayal and try to somehow make it my fault that just makes my jaw drop open and no words come out!

Strength to you.


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 966 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
HeartStings
♀ Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cheaters really are delusional, aren't they?

On d-day, my WH said that our marriage had been over for 8 years. Really?! News to me! I seem to recall that I was sick to death of his alcoholism 8 years ago, and told him to fly free. Wish he had taken my advice back then.


Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They all rewrite history it seems. Mine specifically walked out the door and said "I don't want this anymore". The big question for 3 days prior since DD was are you going to pick her or me and the kids. He told me three days later he doesn't want us anymore and was leaving that day. A few months later he rewrote history saying he didn't really leave us but I was so angry he couldn't take it and had to leave. Guess I should've laid down and been a doormat


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 518 | Registered: Apr 2014
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What sickens me the most about unremorseful WS's is that I feel they actually believe their own lies. It is so frustrating to realize that they will go through their lives feeling righteous about their part in the marriage and its failure.

This is what has always infuriated me...their lack of come-uppance. I always try to convince myself...most likely in an unhealthy manner...that this shit balances itself out in the end. Be it in this world, or in some afterlife, you have to pay for your transgressions.

When I think that a Hitler, or a Stalin, or a remorseless WS doesn't get their just due---it drives me crazy.

So now I must return to my delusional belief of justice.....


BH-47
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 2113 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They all do it.

My XWH had a moment of clarity, where said to me that he was fucked up, and he was a serial cheater, and there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, and he's never going to change, and even counseling won't help him.

However, he tells everyone else "the marriage was really bad for a long time". When confronted with the fact that we had just ADOPTED a newborn baby, he comes back with "I thought adopting a baby would save the bad marriage". Really.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3477 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think of the courage it would take for a W to be totally honest with themselves. They would need to accept full responsibility for something very bad. They would know that they needed to change themselves to ensure they never imposed that kind of pain on someone again. Some can do it, and it is those few that create the environment for possible R. Most don't have the character or courage to look themselves in the mirror and be honest about what they have done.


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 966 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Topic Posts: 11

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