Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Tigress5455 (45753)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hey, Ladies, Did You Know.......
sunvalley
♀ Member
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These kinds of concepts drive me batty! I read one the other day as well. It said that As are the result of the M drifting apart, and that the reason the BS didn't have an A as well due to "lack of options". Forget morals, beliefs or commitment to the M, the BS just never had the option to cheat and that's why we didn't? Thank you internet Dr for dumbing it down to that for me, and to think I was falsely under the impression that not cheating on someone was my choice, not just that I lacked the option. I'm pretty sure I have internet access too, which means I have all the options my WS had...and considering the trolls he slept with I'm pretty sure I could have done better if I had the 'option'


Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs, multiple online As

Posts: 765 | Registered: Mar 2014
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Many lies that become societal "truths".

I used to think only men had affairs....until 2 years ago.


Who the hell did I think these men were sleeping with? 20 something year old unwed cuties with lotion on their hands????


Those SI members whom I follow closely? Very few fit this mode of affairs. Most WW and female AP's are married, with kids, and middle aged. So where did this whole idea of "women need security and monogamy" get born? It appears a vast majority of female AP's are already in a monogamous relationship when they decide to cheat.

perhaps it is hard wired in them (to be monogamous, but their FOO f's with them so bad that the wiring gets crossed? I am open to that being the case....but not sure.

So, see, I myself helped propogate a lie. I was so ignorant. I was one of those poor saps who would have enthusasitically agreed to my wife taking a male "running partner" out for runs with her......and totally trusted her. Some of that false-trust was born from that lame idea that women need deep honest connection and long-term committment to have sex with a man. I guess that may be true, but it is equally true my wife was able to create THAT without facts....and it allowed her to chose adultery.


So what is real? What is truth?


....its certainly not that a stellar hand job is the key to monogamy. Pretty sure a guy can do that all on his own. If they were "all that", why would a guy get married?

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hahaha Sunvalley!

If you use the internet formula for adultery....I am the WS.

CSA, regular porn use, stressful job, a distant wife = me being the WS.

There is a real mode of operation in society that shrugs personal responsibility from any shoulder it tries to land on.


The truth is just as you point out. We have free will. We have choices. I should expect myself to walk into a room filled with naked women ready to go and NOT choose adultery. If I fail...I should not blame the women.

I had a choice to go into that room.

I had a choice to stay in that room.

I had a choice to say hi.

I had a choice to get naked.

I had a choice to have sex once I got into that room.


We have choices....we are not lab rats.

Anyone of us is hours away from adultery if we so choose. Maybe in 1950 rural kansas opportunities were really limited...but even then adultery was a choice and prevailent.

Seems like the "smarter" we get, the further into molecular study we go to explain away destructive personal choice...make it some sort of chemical reaction within us and that our poor choices are just a factor of molecular interaction--that we are "just along for the ride".

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guy was injured,
had a robotic hand made that responded to voice commands.
Had to pee, in the menzroom said; "unzip"
zzzipppp
"take it out"
ahhh
"now shake it off"
ooooh that feels good
"hey, jerk me off"

ARRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some men are slaves-
to their own dick tates.

How does slavery feel, boys?
(and I mean that in every sense of the word!)

"I freed a thousand slaves. I would have freed a thousand more - if they knew they were slaves!"
Harriet Tubman


Posts: 6767 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here are (3) facts that I have put together in my situation:

(1) When a person cheats, they betray themselves along with their loved ones.

(2) Over the years, I have realized that I give myself the best hand jobs.

(3) I have never cheated. Therefore, my own hands have kept me faithful.

Wow....this guy knows what he is talking about!!!

If he would just convince men to masturbate more...and become experts in this field...then there would be no need/desire to stray.

[This message edited by jb3199 at 8:10 AM, June 15th (Sunday)]


BH-47
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 2115 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
hurting mom
♀ Member
Member # 12869
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Relabel the book "90% of cheating spouses are overgrown babies who will find some way to blame you for their stupid choices."

Posts: 51 | Registered: Dec 2006
WinterBranch
♀ Member
Member # 42671
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah...my hand's doin' somethin' right now...not a job, perhaps, but a serious affliction has invaded the middle finger on both my hands...jeez, maybe I should get THAT looked at...might solve ALL the problems...


Me: Woman. In. Pain.
Him: Skittle-Sucking Toad and Con-Man.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Mar 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am here to go on record to say I give awesome blow jobs and hand jobs on a regular basis and I still ended up here. So that author can put that in her pipe and smoke it.

Oh, I know, maybe some of us are "too available", you know "men like the chase" and spoiling them with blowjobs might make them cheat


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 380 | Registered: Feb 2014
millienotboo
♀ Member
Member # 22415
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Out, I was just thinking the same damned thing....I give a world class blow job and hand job! So.....wth?


M-8 yrs together 11
Me-45 BW
Him-49-WH
D-Day 10-10-2008
In R

Posts: 761 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: South
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read one the other day as well. It said that As are the result of the M drifting apart, and that the reason the BS didn't have an A as well due to "lack of options

God, please tell me where this paradise is where there is a "lack of" cheating, whoring, "options" for having an A. I want a one way ticket to the Shangri-La place where these "options" don't exist and only honest, faithful people roam.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 380 | Registered: Feb 2014
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To everyone who responded!!!!! Thank you for the fun!!!


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2327 | Registered: Jan 2012
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am here to go on record to say I give awesome blow jobs and hand jobs on a regular basis and I still ended up here.


Raising hand here too! If I don't say so myself, I have always put a lot of energy into this particular area of expertise. Guess it didn't count for much.
Oh wait, I forgot---I don't have the Golden Handjob Manual! That's what was missing!


WinterBranch, I think something is wrong with my hand right now too----the middle finger is frozen upright.


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1458 | Registered: Dec 2012
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey I come from the era of hand jobs were ' so high school'....yea I am naive....that was 1971!!!


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 06-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 678 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Suspect OW doesn't even have lips I'm not even joking. Especially not the pillowy, fluffy, goddess lips of mine.



Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 380 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So where did this whole idea of "women need security and monogamy" get born?

Blakesteele, these bullshit concepts are some of the biggest brainwashing lies on humanity of all time. All these "men need to spread their seed" but "women want monogamy" stupid things.

I have a lot of thoughts on this kind of stuff. we can agree that all this crap is based off of a "what would cavemen/women do" mentality. What did humans - before societal expectations, civilization, consequences - naturally do? Let's break down the lies:

Men need to spread their seed and aren't wired for monogamy - no, it does a man no good to "love em and leave em". In a hostile environment like ancient earth, what good does it do to create children, leave their mothers, go onto create different children, leave THOSE mothers, go on to create more children and so forth? All these children and mothers, left to the sabre tooths to eat and enemy men to take and potential to starve? Makes no sense.

Women need to care for the children through monogamy- why? there could have been benefits to women being nonmonogamous. Sleeping with different men, especially in days where paternity could never be proven, might ensure the protection and resources of several men rather than one. If you screw 3 men in a month, have a baby, and all of those 3 men (remember no way for paternity proof) have to gamble whether to abandon a child that might be theirs. All of them might provide for the child in some way. AND not only the men, but all of their tribe and family might provide for said mother/child, just in case child is his. ( I actually read all this in a 100 yr old anthropology book). Mom now has 3 times the resources and protection, especially if they don't all know about each other.

Men want nonmonogamy and will cheat, women want monogamy and won't cheat - how on earth would this make sense?? I don't care what god or system or whatever you believe in, this makes zero sense. two genders of the same species with COMPLETELY opposing agendas??? wtf This, imo, was created by men to get away with cheating and to keep women in line. I mean, funny, men don't want monogamy but they sure as fuck believe in it when their woman wants to cheat!!???

Monogamy makes total sense. get together, make babies, two parents fight off the sabre tooths and the Neanderthals and gather twice the berries. No sexually transmitted diseases, which probably killed off people by age 20 if you weren't careful back then. Solid knowledge of maternity/paternity of the children to avoid inbreeding within tribes. Children/mother protected everyday, not left literally to the wolves while daddy runs off and bangs hos over in the next mountain.

Loyalty would pay off in other ways as well: no 911 meant you better not have pissed your wife off before you broke your leg in a buffalo hunt and need a nurse.

In short, NOBODY;, men or women, anywhere in the WORLD, throughout ALL TIME, likes to be cheated on!!! So how did anybody ever justify it from some sort of primitive man perspective??? It makes zero sense.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 380 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 35
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.