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User Topic: What to say and how to say it...
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Shutup  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I go out for dinner with a dear friend every now and then. She's the one who is addicted to liver cleansing, it's an ongoing cycle and it worries me but she says she has it well in hand.

Anyway, when she's not cleansing we go out for a bite to eat and glass or two of wine.

The last couple of times we've been out she's developed an obsession with not wanting to drink a glass of wine from a bottle that's been open for more than a couple of days.

So she will grill the server and actually say "I'm not going to pay $x for a glass of wine from a bottle that's been open for a week."

It makes me want to cringe.

How shall I bring this up with her? I love her dearly but she's Danish and they can be pretty blunt.

To say the least.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO, you'll have to just keep cringing inside. I don't see how you can say anything that will make a difference to her. Rather than confronting, if it were me, I'd make a point of telling the waiter to bring me a glass from the oldest open bottle of wine they have

I'm curious as to how she would actually know that the bottle had been open 'too long'?


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20453 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yah, I was going to approach it like that next time. Just say "Well I don't care how long it's been open, just bring it!"


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
HeartStings
♀ Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it really bothers you, why not buy the whole bottle of wine and have them open it at the table?

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because she has to drive, lives far away, and I'd have to drink most of it...


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
HeartStings
♀ Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And the problem with that is....?

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
movingforward777
♀ Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can just see it...."And this is a 1987 bottle and it has been open for 37 and a half minutes"......
I'd think most wait staff would simply fib and say "Oh no, I just opened it"....considering most bottles in restaurants have screw on caps what the heck is the difference.....

PS...Maybe her "clean" liver can tell the difference.....

[This message edited by movingforward777 at 10:12 PM, June 14th (Saturday)]


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there some other type of venue that you can spend time with this friend at, instead of dinner? I don't think she will change if her habits are that stringent. So instead of her being a dining buddy (because that sounds a bit stressful to me!) maybe she can be the friend you take walks in the park with, go to see a movie with, or go shopping with. That way, you won't have to deal with her cleansing issues but you can still spend some enjoyable time with her.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15409 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's a hard core hiker, so walking is out.

I don't go out to movies, but she has me over for dinner sometimes to her place when her ex (they're house-sharing, he comes and goes, it's annoying... long story, not infidelity related) is away.

I'm not going to take her to the wine bar anymore that's for sure.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now you know where the expression came from, "Put a cork in it" ...


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21449 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
Charity411
♀ Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the posters who said you aren't going to change her. Some people are just weird that way. I knew a couple that always ordered fish and always asked what ocean it was from and if it was fresh. Just once I want to hear a server say "No. We only serve rancid fish here."

Posts: 402 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now you know where the expression came from, "Put a cork in it" ...


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Too_Trusting
♀ Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my XWH & I were friends with a couple and would go out to dinner frequently. The W of that couple was obsessed with silverware. She studied her silverware and her H's silverware. If there was so much as a water spot on it, she sent it back. Same thing for the glass her wine came in.

I can see if there was a piece of food on the silverware, but geez - my own silverware sometimes has water spots on it out of the dishwasher.

It really got embarrassing to go out to eat with them. But, then my WH did the whole cheating thing and HE got to keep them as friends in the D.


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2491 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does she act like a wine connoisseur?

XH had this BFF whose wife was a complete PITA to eat out with. I don't miss her one bit! LOL I was like, "Don't mess with the people who make your food!" (ya know?)

Substitutions, this cooked this way - not like that, this in a dish not on same plate - looks like it was same plate, take it back. Did you bring extra sauce? I need it in a ramekin, not on the bread plate....

Like girl, we are at the Olive Garden, not your house!

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 5:35 AM, June 18th (Wednesday)]



Posts: 14415 | Registered: Jun 2008
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's not a connoisseur, more of a purist. At home she only drinks organic. And she's generous with it if she throws a dinner party.

I like organic, but I also like Yellowtail, by the gallon, and it's not.

She was grilling the bartender at the wine bar about the risotto that *I* was ordering (as I cringed in the corner).

The owner was standing beside him and very kindly gave her a blow-by-blow about how they prep the risotto. No, it doesn't sit in a huge pot all night, it's parboiled and each portion is prepped individually right before serving.

And they have the most amazing risotto in town.

But she had the gnocci and raved about it, so it all ended well.

But she can be a PITA. She's separated and wants to find someone to have sex with now. I can only imagine how that's going to go.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 16

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