~but i don't want to sabotage me marriage focusing on making myself happy and ignoring him.~
Lots of self-blame here. You are not sabotaging the marriage - he already has. If he's not making you happy, why can't you make yourself happy without feeling guilty? There's no guilt in that. If he's already ignoring you, what makes you think he'll notice that you are ignoring him?
Always take care of YOU!!!