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User Topic: OW rant
seenow
♀ Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Process the OW out. That's what I have written to others. They don't matter. That's what I tell myself. Focus on WH and reconciliation and don't spare any energy for it. But not today. I want justice. I want the whore to suffer. I want her to forever stay unemployed. I want everyone who knows her to keep a distance because she is not a good person. I want every child of the families she has involved herself in to take something from her future. BAH!!!!!!


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 301 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I hear u loud & clear!!! Rant away!! I have the same feelings that you do sometimes. The whores deserve to feel the same pain we feel. But...... They are heartless, pathetic, selfish,lying,sneaky head cases with no soul so they will never feel any pain. Truly they just don't care!! Hope Ur night gets better!!


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
krsplat
♀ Member
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you, too. Most days, she is a pathetic non-entity. But I wouldn't mind if she caught an STD from her next victim, or if her clients found out what she is and her business failed, or if she remained infertile for the rest of her life.

I'm not holding my breath, but it would be nice for the karma bus to at least sideswipe her.


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Living in limbo

Posts: 383 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
Scubadoo
♀ Member
Member # 43079
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right there with you seenow. Rant on. I feel the exact same way.


BS (me) 42
WS (him) 48
OW (downgrade) 48
Married 11 yrs
DS 9
DD 8
D-day 10/27/13
8mth

Posts: 105 | Registered: Apr 2014
sunvalley
♀ Member
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, most days I don't focus my energy on the OW because they are lowlife sad people, who don't deserve the satisfaction of thinking they still get into our world. But every once in a while I still think about them and get angry with their actions and their ability to walk away from the situation without remorse or regret.

Here's what I explained to my H yesterday. I realize that he was the one who owed me fidelity and let me down, but they were accomplices in doing so. If this were a murder trial instead of an infidelity recovery, would the AP not be on trial as well for their part in the murder? How is an A any different in that respect?

They were willing and able to hurt another human being, and they should be held accountable for their actions as well. I compared it to a bully in school, yes there will be bullies everywhere however we teach our children not to simply accept their behavior but stand up against it, hold them accountable and hopefully see consequences for the actions...so why are we expected to let it go and not focus at all on them, when it's an OW (a couple of his were bullies as well!)? I do think they should be held accountable for their actions, whether they know the BS or not...they did something that was damaging to a family, to another human being.

While I realize it was the WS who allowed this to happen, and the AP really could have been anyone...I get that. But if the AP was aware of a spouse existing, then they are accountable for hurting another human being as well and there should be consequences. My H has this same feeling in a sense now. He has had to suffer, be remorseful and prove himself to me while the AP have gotten to walk away with no consequences. It's frustrating, but I remind myself that while they seemingly had no consequences for having the A, they still had to compromise themselves, be broken/sad/low self esteem people and be used by my H...that can't feel good, it certainly doesn't feel good to be married to someone who could do that, so it can't feel much better to be the person he used and then tossed aside. I try to remind myself that from their perspectives, they may feel very used, foolish, disgusted by how things played out...I hope they do, I do hope they learned something, but mostly I hope that they never do this to another person.

I did hold them accountable. I sent each and every one of them a letter telling them exactly what the As were about for H a couple months after Dday. I told them how he truly felt about them, but also that we were focused on moving forward in a life where we choose to focus on our family and not allowing them in. And then I told them I forgive them for their actions. I told them I realized that the As were not about them, they were about H and his issues. I told them that had it not been them, it would have been someone else and minimized their 'specialness' in the situation and that for those reasons I chose to let go of any focus on them, because it was never about them. Maybe they took it to heart, but more than likely they didn't....it's not my problem....I stood up to the bullies, even if nothing further gets done about it, I said my peace.

It's hard not to feel like you want consequences for her actions, but the problem is - it will never be enough. For the pain and suffering they have caused with the WS's actions, a job loss or whatever else comes her way will never feel like satisfaction or good enough. Hurting someone in return for the hurt they caused you never works, it only causes you to suffer further or compromise yourself and your values. I'm sure somehow, some way she is suffering even if you don't see it. The fact that you're calling her a whore is proof of that - that is a title that she earned with her actions, and someone who leads a life of deceit and lies likely hasn't just done it with the A...she probably suffers in other ways as well that you don't see. This might sound weird, but try feeling sad for her instead of angry. I feel sad for these people, it's really sad that they are in the place they are in their lives...I'm glad I'm in a much better place, and I am above all of this. I haven't compromised my morals, my beliefs or myself...they did, and that's sad.

Oh my, I think I just earned the 'rant' title...sorry, not trying to t/j just trying to throw in some ideas and perspective since I think we've all been there. Hope it helps!


Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs, multiple online As

Posts: 765 | Registered: Mar 2014
seenow
♀ Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Garnet, krsplat, Scubadoo - Thank you!

sunvalley - thank you for the perspective. She IS a sad, sad person. So is my WH. I just hate that these actions ripple through everyone in their lives but mostly for the kids. OW doesn't have any. She doesn't have to look at the worry on an innocent face. But as she bumps against old age what will she have, eh? Maybe there will be justice.


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 301 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some days I can't live with the knowledge that either of those bitches exist. Somedays, I want to throw the proverbial grenade into their lives, and watch them burn... Somedays, I want to throw the LITERAL grenade at them...

Somedays, i think of physical violence against them. Like, more than healthy...

Mostly... I just want to forget about them, completely.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
BreatheAgain10
♀ Member
Member # 32657
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Steadfast! Lol, I echo your sentiments exactly!
I sooo could've written your comment!


By God's blessing we've survived, but the scars are still tender to the touch.
BW: Me 34yrs FWH: 29yrs
Latest D-Day 04/29/2010
Together: 12yrs Married: 10yrs
DS:16yrs DS:9yrs. DS:Due 6/25/14
Main D-Day that hurts is #4 4/29/10
OW=Yuck!

Posts: 273 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Sunny So. Cal.
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, the AP... nothing or no one special. Just a broken and willing participant in hurting another person.

Rant on!! There is nothing that you can say to most AP that would permeate their selfishness.

Focus on you. As the old folks have said since forever: There is no revenge better than a good life.

But, seenow, if you need to rant ; RANT ON!!!


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 500 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rants are good for us....to a point....I know she believed in her broken mind she was going to have a life with my H....nope all she has is memories of him lusting after her....those are her memories now....he wishes he could erase them....I get to live with them....this is the triangle ...each piece lives with their memory.....I try so hard just to move forward....we have a history....long term friends...kids...family....she is not part of ANY of it....because she was a secret....and NOTHING more....


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 06-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 676 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Raising hand . Count me in with you all.

OW pursued WH like she had him in the crosshairs of her rifle. She got WH alone & threw herself on him, stating "Why don't I be your mistress." Don't get me wrong, I KNOW that WH could have said no---but instead he went for it. We were at the lowest point of our marriage.
It's like a burglar tries to break into your house & your spouse holds the door open for them & shows them where the valuables are.
I know she really got off on the fact that she got a married man to break his vows for her.


Am trying to get to indifference about that Slunt, but I will never get to indifference
about what she did to our kids.
Even tho we are trying to R, our kids will NEVER again have the rock solid foundation that they had before . Who knows how it will affect their future marriages. And, they will never look at their father the same way again. That is sad.
I know WH did that to himself, but she is to blame too.

I still have the bottle of champagne ready to open when I hear of OW getting what she deserves---am waiting patiently.

sunvalley, your thoughts were very helpful to me. Thanks.



Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1454 | Registered: Dec 2012
Lethealbegin
♀ Member
Member # 32826
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW was a "friend" of mine. ha ha friend!!! All she was is a secret not worthy of the world knowing of!!! Ha ha!!! What kind of person wants to be a secret? That is aweful to do that to yourself! He did not care one bit about her. He gets sick when something comes up example seeing her parents. Ha ha slut you are worth nothing!! Ha ha
When I see her parents I want to say did you know your daughter speads her legs for any man and is a slut cum dumpster! All kidding aside this women is in extreme need of mental help! I hope she listened to me and is getting it. I doubt she did those kind never do! I wish she would If not for her for her kids! This is not me being mean. She is truly a sick sick twisted person.


BS me
WS him
OW my former friend and neighbor
Dday 1 2/20/11
Dday 2 3/08/11
Two little ones
Married 19 years
Together 26 years

Posts: 149 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 12

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