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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Healing does come, slowly
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to share with you what I'm about to do. I am about to put on a shelf the many, many books I've relied on for three years. Books with titles about rising above abuse, coparenting with a jerk, splitting, divorce poison, and many more. Not that I won't need to refer to them in the future. Indeed, I'm sure I will.

It's just that I don't need them every single day anymore.

For three years I've been slogging my way through Hell. I've had to fight my way out of the shadows of my ex-husband's sexual addiction. I've had to reconnect with my inner child & integrate my emotions & psyche to heal the abusive wounds of my past, both in my childhood as well as my marriage.

The journey isn't over, of course. I will keep the book out that helps people get past their breakups because there are some good exercises in it that I think will benefit me. It's just that I'm needing to let go of some of the hurt and pain that's fueled my footsteps. I've been writing a memoir in the hopes that others one day can see parallels between their present Hell and the nightmare I once lived, giving them courage and inspiration to take charge of their lives once again and find their own path to redemption. The writing and sharing with my writing group has been another avenue of healing for me, and with each chapter I feel myself becoming lighter.

I am becoming enveloped by that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. It isn't a train (LOL!), it is hope. I can smell fresh air.

Life does get better. Sometimes the night we have to endure is unfathomably long, dark and fraught with terrors and horrors both seductive and profane.

But life does get better. We have to be willing to surrender to the pain and be transformed. I am not the same person I was when I entered this tunnel of destruction. And I'm glad for it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9859 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bravo!

There was a link to a good article posted in General that talked about the pain of betrayal, but also talked about the ability to heal and actually grow in response to trauma. That doesn't mean that 'trauma is good', but that we can turn it into an opportunity for growth. Sounds like you have really done that and not just "survived infidelity", you have thrived.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1878 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does this mean no more garage posts?

You have been an inspiration to me. Thank you.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5329 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I was thinking it would be spooky fun to post a pic of the Son of Sam collection...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9859 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:48 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG ~ If YOU can proclaim that you are healing, then that gives the rest of us hope and reassurance. I don't want to offend you ~ know that this comes from a place of love and admiration ~ but you have been and continue to be in quite possibly the shittiest situation because of your ex.

I'm so proud of you and thankful for all the support you share here!!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2284 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:12 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can smell fresh air.

Very well said. This in particular.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5619 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NG)))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4694 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bravo Nature_Girl!

Some of us here have some fucked up XWH's, myself included, but yours HAS to be the top contender for the most fucked up individual.

But we can get through it. It takes time, and it won't be without scars, but we'll get there.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3429 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
StrongAlone
♀ Member
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautiful post NG. I wish you so much success with your memoir. All the books I read post DDay #3 on sex addiction only made me feel worse and very confused, they really don't tell the whole story.

We are only left with 2 choices in the aftermath of all this, rise above or keep getting dragged down by our exes. You are rising so far above he will soon be but a speck in your life! Good job.


Me (BS) 40 Him (WH, SA, covert NPD) 41
Married 8 years, 2 young kids
DD1-Right after engagement 2004
DD2-Email from OW 2008
DD3-2012-Him diagnosed with cancer, I thought we grew closer, he kept cheating.
Divorced

Posts: 112 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So happy that you have come to this point.

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 10:32 AM, June 15th (Sunday)]


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1781 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes the night we have to endure is unfathomably long, dark and fraught with terrors and horrors both seductive and profane.

That is so poetic and so true. Glad to hear you're making such progress, you are one tough cookie.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17591 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love this!

It is worth noting and celebrating. We (the collective we of SI) did not come here to wail and die with company. We came to survive, in search of the help to make it to the other side. Thanks for leading the way through one very very dark tunnel.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5864 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautifully written.

Good on you N_G.
So glad to hear you are thriving.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1442 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So well written (((NG))) You are such an inspiration to me! You are amazingly strong. Keep up the good work.


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
Mom4ever
♀ Member
Member # 40516
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So happy for you. It gives the rest of us hope that our day will come eventually. Thank you for sharing!


BW - me 43
WH - 46
M - 23 yrs
D-Day - 6/13/2013
2 DS and 1 DD
Divorcing
There are some things that "sorry" just doesn't fix... But I never even got a "sorry."

Posts: 108 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southeast
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

]

For you, a survivor, an inspirer, a mom, a friend, a woman of strength.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG - You sell yourself a little short, honey. Your healing and your new life are hard won with sweat, tears, blood, and strength. You have earned every bit of sunshine and hope ahead of you.

And you haven't just earned it for yourself, you've brought many others along with you, shining your lamp on their path as you go. Amazing.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25848 | Registered: Aug 2011
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NG)))

You have given so much healing to others here. I am glad you are finally coming into your own.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 18

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