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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He Did It. My blood ran cold.
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After nearly three years of not exposing our children to the Sex Addict, anti-social personality disordered OW, my STBX did it tonight. He brought my children out to dinner with her.

This is the woman who showed up voluntarily in court to testify for my SA STBX, and to try to bash me in the process.

This is the woman who throws S&M orgies in her home with strangers while her little boy is home, sleeping.

This is the woman who hates me so much (ME, who has done NOTHING to her) that she will stop at nothing.

This is the woman who fights with STBX in front of her child, to the point where she has to hide in the bathroom.

This is the woman who drinks equally as much as my STBX alcoholic husband.

I can barely breathe. I have tried to avoid this day for nearly three years. STBX didn't dare to do this during the 9-month custody eval. He didn't dare to do it during the trial. He filed his last motion on Friday - on Sunday he brought my babies to meet the OW.

I honestly don't know what to do. My children are 7 and 9. I'm going to call a psychologist tomorrow. And we wait for another week or so before the judge's final ruling.

Please please please pray that the judge doesn't allow him any overnights. Please God.


Posts: 1667 | Registered: Oct 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just physically felt my gag reflex. CH, I am so sorry. There are some people I wish would just die. Just lay down & die. Your disgusting STBX is one of them. And now, really, I'm thinking that OW, too.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG. What did the kids say??

I wonder if it would make any difference if you told your L?


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
southsidecali
♀ Member
Member # 22752
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i am so sorry, i cannot imagine what your going through- i have an idea but does not compare.

Posts: 788 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: CA
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, breathe. I know it's sending you over the moon right now. I know you can't concentrate on anything else. But breathe. I know ANY contact is disgusting. At the moment, it was "just" dinner. He doesn't have overnights at the moment, correct? I'll pray with you that the judge comes back with no overnights period.

Please talk to your lawyer. I know others are going to say there isn't much you can do, but I think sometimes it's important to have contact by way of a letter to let them know you know he has introduced them, and this was done without your knowledge ahead of time, with a person you do not believe has the morals of a flee. Said better than that, of course. My thinking is, you don't want something to come up in court stating that you knew it was going to happen and did not have a problem with it.

Breathe. Talk to your lawyer. It was dinner. She wasn't alone with them, they were not at her house seeing anything. Try to think of it as minimal at the moment.

One week. Keep breathing, and believe the judge is going to come back with the proper, and correct ruling.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5429 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the literal fuck, Hope???

That makes me so mad. He is SUCH an idiot. I don't get how he can think that it's ok to expose your kids to someone like that.

Praying for no overnight visitation!

(((CH)))


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there any order keeping her away from your kids right now? I am sorry you and the kids are going through this.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4752 | Registered: Feb 2008
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Hope & kiddos))))) I'm just sick for you and your kids.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25052 | Registered: Aug 2011
BeHappyAgain
♀ Member
Member # 41289
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just sending you tons of support tonight - I will be praying that the Judge rules in your favor.

Posts: 100 | Registered: Nov 2013
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone.

Yes devastated, that's right, they don't have overnights with him right now.

Peridot, no, no order against them seeing her, and I don't see how we'll get one at this point.

This has always been my deepest fear. Them meeting her and spending time at her house/S&M dungeon where CraigsList strangers come for violent sex.

Plus she's mentally ill, as is STBX. He's NPD with "sociopathic behaviors" acc'd to the custody evaluator. I'm guessing she's pure sociopath. I'll call the attorneys today and maybe there's something we can do. STBW and OW are both attorneys; I'm sure that introducing her to the kids last night was very calculated -meaning trial and discovery are over, and therefore there's nothing I can do.


Posts: 1667 | Registered: Oct 2011
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Will this help you with the appeal, if he files it? Or not, because you don't get to introduce any new evidence at an appeal?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh dear God. I hope he NEVER gets overnights. I would fight that one to the end. Over my dead body would those kids be spending one night in that disgusting house.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3314 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Choosing & kids)))

Posts: 34731 | Registered: Mar 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Will this help you with the appeal, if he files it? Or not, because you don't get to introduce any new evidence at an appeal?

I don't know. The custody evaluator wrote that my children should not meet her for at least six months, and even then they should only meet her through the interventions of a child psychologist. I think the evaluator was hoping that she would disappear in six months, quite frankly.

So instead, STBX waits 48 hours after filing his last motion.

I'm a little taken back by the shock expressed here. Because I've become so desensitized to all of this through the past three years. Which is sad and scary to me. And the courts really need proof that they're going to hurt my children. I'm afraid we just didn't present enough evidence to prove that and beat the statute.

So I wait until we hear from the judge. I hope to God that he will take into account the OW and my children, even if he DOES award some overnights to STBX.

My kids are so innocent, and I've protected them from all of this so far. And they're doing so well.


Posts: 1667 | Registered: Oct 2011
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's advertising these parties on Craigslist? Do you have proof of this? Has the judge seen it?

I would think if so, you could also involve CPS and require supervised visitations.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3059 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's advertising these parties on Craigslist? Do you have proof of this? Has the judge seen it?
I would think if so, you could also involve CPS and require supervised visitations.

It's not quite that simple. They are both advertising for anonymous S&M partners on CL - men, women, couples. But CL ads are anonymous - I was only able to find their ads at the beginning through the text messages I read in his secret email account.

There was also a party, not in her house, in a hotel.

I have thousands of pages of pretty graphic material, however, describing his activities in his own words.

No, the judge did not see any of the graphic material, though the custody evaluator did. The custody evaluator recommended no overnights without extensive psychological treatment for him.

There is no question that their behavior is gross and unsafe and not good for children, but sadly that doesn't mean No Overnights where I live. STBX keeps claiming that he shuts his bedroom door and therefore children won't be affected. That it's his personal business. Etc.

This has been very effective. Where I live, even drug dealers have overnights with their kids.

It makes me sick - and sick with worry. What if one of those CL freaks walks into my children's bedrooms????? It keeps me up at night. And also, the OW is so sick and vicious and vindictive that I don't want her anywhere near my children. The custody eval's report said she should not meet the children until STBX is in treatment for at least six months and is doing better - and at that point she should meet the children only with a child psychologist present. So STBX instead waited 48 hours after his last motion to do this.

I'm waiting to hear back from the attorneys.


Posts: 1667 | Registered: Oct 2011
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most judges usually agree with child evaluators and GALS. Hopefully that will happen here. I've been through this and it sucks. Even if you were to take him to court for contempt of a court order, the judge would probably only slap him on the wrist. As the GAL in my case said, they(judges) won't usually do anything until something happens to the kids. Maybe your attorney will have some idea how to stop this.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4752 | Registered: Feb 2008
JanetS
♀ Member
Member # 2766
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you have to get every vile thing you can get your hands on and hand it over to the judge. Could a private investigator answer CL ads to see if he can smoke them out????

I'd express your fear, LOUDLY AND CLEARLY, that you fear that one of their random CL sex partners might walk into the bedroom of one of your children. Tell them, "if you think I am angry now, you won't believe the level of angry I can find within myself if something bad happens to my children.....believe me, heads will roll". (you're warning them that you will hold them responsible). Again, make sure the judge sees every bit of filth you can find.

Let us know how this goes.


Posts: 2565 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking from experience, the family court system will NOT do a dadgum thing to prevent CSA. What seems like common sense & decency to the rest of the world simply does not apply in the family court system.

Choosing, I'm wanting your attorney to send a communication to the judge - before he renders his decision - that your STBX is already violating the evaluator's recommendations. I don't know that it will do any good, or if it's even allowed. However, I sure would want the judge to have this information so he'll know that your STBX needs to have the strictest possible measures in the final decree.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((Ch))))))))

I have no advice everything I thought of was said. I just wanted to give you hugs.
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 33
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