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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My Father's Day Conversation
♀ Member
Member # 2365
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugg, how sad. You've been given a number of good suggestions, for instance broadening your line of support, per involving the school, also children's physicians, etc., anyone and everyone you can think of to be made aware of the situation and document, document, document, so you have independent reporting & opinions.

I also think you should have your attorney duplicate in his own words and by letter, send to her what you expressed by email. You can say the atty has been informed, but until she sees same, she will deny it in her head, thus not having the impact you hoped for.

I'm just wondering if you have children's advocates in your state. They weren't around for my divorce, but I do know states have them, either voluntarily or mandatory at some stage of the divorce process. The reason I mention this is that you have to be very careful how you question & interview children, essentially letting the subject matter free form from their mouths. A good case in point was a children's day care center that made massive press probably at least a decade ago. Seems the parents had been doing a lot of questioning of their children, once an accusation had been made & the accusations continued on, even including devil worship, besides sexual molestations of the worst kind. In the end, after much investigation, it was all proven false, essentially caused by overzealous (but understandable) actions by the parents & children wanting to please their parents with "correct" answers.

In your case, at the least, you know your son has his own agenda...that Xbox, hehe. We are around our children so much, it's hard to remember they don't have the same critical thinking skills as adults, yet they can speak the same language. I have no doubt he was hurt when he was lifted. My dad also did that move a couple of times and it hurt like hell, kind of like a friction rub. But my dad didn't mean to hurt me intentionally, just lift me up. So I'm not defending POS, just putting it out there that it might not have been intentional. And those noises from the bedroom "could" have been sex & dirty talk, ya know? Either way, you did the right thing by putting her on notice, I too, hold to the belief that only the natural parents should commence discipline. Sadly, in my one son's case, his stepmother caused a lot of damage with her words, something he was very quiet about & something I didn't hear about until much later. I ended up hearing about it after he got married from his wife.

Anyways, good on you, her response is predictable, I again encourage a letter stating previous from your attorney. Best wishes.

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

― Maya Angelou

Posts: 3277 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: Sunny Arizona
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The kids leave me for the next 5 days so this will be a tough period. Of course her response to me was to send a reply (after I stated it would not be needed). She accused the kids of lying and exagerating the truth. She accused me of causing trouble. I'm sure what really happened was she grilled the kids and told them to stop telling me things.

I was very calm when they came out with this information and I asked them the same questions a number of times to make sure I got the same answers. I made sure when DS12 made a statement I looked at DD9 to get confirmation. I know he can embelish his stories and even lie when he thinks it will help him. So I want to make sure the info I get is correct.

She did not even address the issues surrounding the domestic issues between them. Which are not really my problem, except if my kids are there and could either be witness to a bad event or worse, be included in such an event.

She copied both attorneys on the email she sent back.

My attorney's response to me was three options:

1. Do nothing
2. Send a letter to her attorney asking her to consider counseling as I suggested as well.
3. File a petition seeking counseling

So I need to decide if I sit back and wait or push the issue further. Number 2 will likely go nowhere.

It just seems that there is no "if" something is going to happen but "when" will it happen. Like a ticking timebomb over there. Maybe I'm so biased I can't believe it will be alright there. At any rate, hard for me to sit back and wait/do nothing.

BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 9)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 591 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next time something like this happens you may want to have someone else that is a professional like a therapist. interview the kids so you have third party documentation. Versus just you.

I am sorry this is happening to you.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 9:37 AM, June 24th (Tuesday)]

Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2781 | Registered: Jan 2010
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a quick update. I went back to my attorney and asked him what he would do. He simply said if it was me, I would as me to send a letter to her attorney.

So I told him to make it happen. This will likely piss her off again. But I don't really care. There is a lot of crazy going on over there in my opinion.

On a better note, I dropped of DS12 yesterday evening and there sat what used to be my 69' Corvette convertible, on the street, in the rain. Okay not a better note. I know, it's not mine anymore. Need to let that one go. Just a kick in the pants when I have to see it at drop offs.

[This message edited by Dadtryingtocope at 9:47 AM, June 26th (Thursday)]

BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 9)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 591 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 24
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