Wh and I talked in length about not having anymore children after the twins. He offered to have a vasectomy but since we knew I was having a c-section I said I would have a tubal ligation instead.
Now just a week since the twins were born I am having mixed emotions about it.
I got a call from a public health nurse a few days after I came home. It's normal for them to call and do a check on how you're doing. She asked if I was feeling weepy and yes I am. First the financial issues are still there, it's beyond difficult to leave my babies every day (even though I know they are where they need to be) and wh going back to work this week because the parental leave wont pay enough for him to take any time off is upsetting (along with other work issues...).
Then a few days ago I got this overwhelming feeling of being empty and it hit me that I'll never experience being pregnant again. Not that we would try for more kids but still, it's just weird how it seems to bother me now.
Losing the baby belly was weird too. I lost 10lbs after surgery, then another 10 this first week home. I didn't gain at all with the twins. Infact I lost 8lbs. I wouldn't be heading to the beach in a bikini but I am a lot thinner. As uncomfortable as I was I guess I miss being pregnant.
Did anyone else experience feelings like this?
For me it was freeing. My kids are now adults and I just turned 42. H (who does not want kids of his own) and I are young enough to go enjoy life (travel, etc) and not have to worry about little ones or school schedules or the additional financial strain of more kiddos.
I love babies, but I'm very happy to cuddle other people's little ones, then hand 'em back.
My guess is that the stress of the twins being in the hospital, post-partum hormones, and just everything all at once have your emotions all up in the air. Be kind to yourself.
((( Dragn )))
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
I edit often for clarity.
My twins will be 17 in August, but I remember some things like it was yesterday.
I had my tubes tied right after they were delivered, while they were fixing everything up after my C-section.
DD, had to stay in the hospital for about a week after she was born, DS got to come home with me.
Besides the fact that I had 2 different staph infections and a torn rotator cuff, I cried all the time.
It was hormones. PPD on steroids. Can you talk to your OB/Gyn?
Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
WH and I have always said that DS3 would be our last child. WH is planning on getting a vasectomy but hasn't yet because he would need to take off from work for a few days to heal. I'm really struggling with this. I know emotionally and financially we can not handle anymore but it makes me incredibly sad.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...
I took me until recently - 2.5 years after he was born and 1.5 years after the vasectomy - to actually be totally ok with not having another one.
Yes at the time I knew intellectually that it was the best decision, especially as I faced health problems with that pregnancy and :ahem: I am not getting any younger....but it took my heart a while to catch up.
I used to joke newborns made my uterus twinge. I can honestly say that NOW I don't feel that way. I've become one of those people that will play with the baby and then gladly hand it back the second it stinks or fusses!
Sooooooooo, yeah: the (long-winded) point is feel those feelings, they are valid, but know this too shall pass.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
My x had a vasectomy, and he did have a hard time accepting he wouldn't be having more kids. I don't know if he ever came to terms with it or not.
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end
Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.
My H had a vasectomy, and that was the plan all along two kids, and done. Being a nurse, and knowing all the things that can go wrong, and having two normal, healthy babies made me very blessed, I didn't want to push my luck or tempt statistics.
Now I can remember the Gyno being all weird about doing the ablation on me at 30, he was very concerned because I was so young, and didn't want me to give up my chance to have more (he had 5 kids himself), but I said no. No worries I am done. We had a similar discussion when I needed to have the hysterectomy.
I'm still young by most standards, 43, and my kids are close to launching. I think it's great that before I'm 50 they will be adults, and I have hopefully another 20 good years to have fun without always playing the role of mom.
Anyway, I hope those dragons are doing well, and eating and growing. Trust that it's going to be good, and now you can focus more of your attention to your nestlings that you have.
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
The overwhelming desire to have kids is something so strong in many women, that is why we can't understand women who don't want any children....but when enough is enough I feel it's time to stop and enjoy the kids you have and give them the best life possible....HUGS
Now, I wish I had divorced him sooner and found a man that I knew could be the husband and father that I deserve to have in my life. A different sort of regret.
I love my children for sure, I just know that while I love them as little kids, the long term aspect of having more the 2 is not the right choice for us or any potential kids.
its been over 3 years now since my tubal and I will get a 'damn I am never going to have a wee little one' when i see little kids.
The other thing that scares the crap out of me is that if i were to lose one of my kids...that's it. No more.
DH and I have discussed adoption/fostering, but right now, we are not in a position to do it.
I got it done because I fall into baby fever pretty easily! I didn't want to end up with 4+ kids and no means of taking care of them!
I was weepy, the thought of closing down the baby bake oven bothered me. Even though I knew it was the best thing for me and my family. It took time to come to terms with it. Would I do it again- yes. I mourned the idea of a future pregnancy. I wanted to end my childbearing years holding a baby. I did and for that I'm grateful.
It took my heart a little longer to reach the place my head was at. It was the best decision for us.
Sorry I haven't replied. Been busy.
Stressed to the max. I had left my hospital tag at my parents. Drive over to pick it up and the brakes on my truck failed. Nearly rammed into the garage. Joy...