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Newest Member: conflictedcolleg (44943)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: These shared events are hard
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My 12 year old had his sixth grade graduation tonight. They had kids sitting with their parents. I and the X sat apart, and my son sat with her. He came up to give me a hug and I told him to sit with his mother, so that he didn't have to figure out what to do. Very odd feeling being solo.

There was also one of those former friend moments, where three pairs of parents who we were close to over the years sat together. I asked to sit with them, but there was only room for their kids. One of the dads pointed out that my X was over at another table, and I pointed out that we weren't together anymore. The other two couples never really contacted me after dday. Who knows what the X has told them.

Just strange feelings. No real contact with the X. I handed her a bag of stuff for my older son who is going away on Wednesday. And she took a photo of my graduating son and me with the camera I said she could have in the divorce agreement, so she wouldn't give me a hard time about the piano my father gave my son as a present.

Odd feelings.

[This message edited by kg201 at 9:20 PM, June 16th (Monday)]


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 697 | Registered: Aug 2013
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know... I always used to look forward to these types of things, and while I don't dread them, the fun and excitement is dampened a bit for me knowing that my XWH will be there with the Owife, making fools of themselves as they participate in the imaginary competition they have created in their heads: "Who Are The Better Parents?"

My youngest "graduates" from elementary school next week. It's sad to me that we won't be sharing this with him as an intact family, but then again, I'm glad we're divorced instead of together and at each other's throats.

(((kg201)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3604 | Registered: Oct 2011
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(kg). Yuck. So sorry. I know the feeling. It's triggery, and hurtful, and disorienting, frustrating, and if I'm honest a little embarrassing. I didn't do anything wrong, but you know people are judging.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((kg)))) It was very thoughtful of you to let your son off the hook by telling him to sit with his mom.

I promise, these events do get easier.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25335 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Kg))))

It gets easier. It's very good that you saw your sons dilemma and made the choice for him.

Keep a lookout for other single parents at these events. You aren't the only one flying solo at them. You might make a friend or 3. I did.

More hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like everything else the firsts are the hardest.

It will become your new normal and for your kids too.

The sad clown and I sat together at my big girls first day of school - mainly because my then 2 year girl old saw me and wanted to sit with me so he slithered over next to me.

There haven't been many other shared events but we seem to have managed to stay out of each other's way with the girls hanging out with one of us at a time - or one girl each at a time which is a great given how rare 1:1 time is in a single parent household.

It has become easier. I've let the other mums in on what happened and they're also aware about the shit he pulls like not forwarding paper invitations to me for parties that fall on my weekends. They now all know all about his fuckery so they call me to make sure I've seen the invites and/or send me the details.

Soon she will be as invisible to you as that unpleasant colleague from out of state that you only have to see at big work events.

I wouldn't insist on the kids sitting with her every time. I understand it for the first time but I wouldn't make it so every time. I'll have the girls with me for a bit then I'll encourage them to go sit with their dad.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry it was difficult. I cannot imagine how awkward it would be in trying to figure out where to sit- and for your kid, which parent to sit with.

The Doosh didn't bring my son to his graduation earlier this month so I got to sit through the ceremony without the awkwardness of sharing space with an evil monster. I did get the looks of pity, which turned quickly to complete distaste towards the Dooosh when all the other parents found out what he had done. :(

I hear these get easier.. I pray that is true.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Topic Posts: 7

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