He isn't stalking or harassing me per se, but interactions with him are so toxic and unhealthy, and it truly is affecting my emotional health, even though we've been divorced for going on two years. He will send me a text that will get me completely frustrated, and it's hard to take the high road, but then when I react I'm doing exactly what he wants me to do, get angry. He seems to feed on it. He moved across the country, rarely sees his kids, and generally thinks his support payments are the same as being involved with his children. I can let go of what happened between us, but I can't as easily let go of how he abandoned his kids. I'm totally fed up. His latest text was to inform me that he decided "not to cancel" his summer one week visit with the kids (this is the ONLY vacation he takes with them all year) but that he'd be bringing his new girlfriend of one month. Then he had the audacity to say, "btw, you used the wrong "there" in your last text." Seriously, because grammar is the first thing I'm thinking about when texting him. Totally condescending, childish and rude.
My only concern is he might say that cutting him off is not in the best interest of our kids. Again, they would be able to contact him. But since we don't co-parent and it's only every several months they see him, I don't see any reason we need to be in contact. Has anyone else blocked their ex in a situation like this?
[This message edited by NWfleur at 1:47 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)]
Are your children old enough that they can answer the call and you don't have too? I just hand the phone to my kids if he is the caller id shown, because I don't want or need to talk to him.
Can you set up a specific ring tone for him? Can you let his voice calls go to a message service so you can decide if you need to call him back?
Or perhaps a separate email address that you only check once a week ?
I would love to have no contact with my ex either but it's in our orders that he has to use my phone number to contact the children, this also prevents a lot of issues as well such as organising visitation directly with me and not our children, cuts down on his ability to meddle and alienate my children as well.
I just don't speak to the x unless it's urgent. As a general rule, we email only.
[This message edited by Bluebird26 at 2:16 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)]
If he is using your phone to make those arrangements, then set a schedule for him. You don't need to tell him. Set your ringtone for all his communications to silent. Only pick up during those times. Eventually, he will figure it out.
Is it the number of texts, phone calls or the content that has you upset. I would be upset by him introducing the gf. It is a heads up, as much as it sucks. It is in the children's best interest for you to know this ahead of time you can get your head ok with it, because you might have to help your kids deal with it. He's not around to help them, you are.
If he's wanting to know each time they bump their knee he gave up that right when he walked away. You can email a weekly update.
It can work both ways though if you use some sort of online parenting calender
Change your phone number and get a Google voice number to give him that his messages will go to. Then they will go to voicemail or text message in your Google voice account and you can check those only when you want to as well as the email. You do have the option to forward those calls to your regular phone for example if the kids are with him for vacation and you want to make sure you know if someone calls. You can still call him back through the Google voice app where he doesn't see your regular phone number but only the Google voice number.
Email is available, but I have never received email from STBXH. I know he does try calling my cell using different numbers, but I just ignore calls I don't know who it is from.
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
I did block him on my phone last night and I felt immediate relief. It's not just him contacting me, it's that it's really hard for me to not react and give "crickets" to him when he says something rude or uncalled for. So this just cuts all that toxicity out of my life, both ways. He can still call his kids on the go-phone. If he needs to be in touch with, he can email. I like the idea of a separate email filter that I check periodically. I set this up already, actually.
I'm sure he'll tell me I'm being "childish and immature" but it will be over an email that I don't have to look at. Much harder to ignore texts!