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User Topic: Tell me that this is for the best
houseofpain
♀ Member
Member # 25706
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH has a history of emotional affairs and sexting/emailing multiple women. Whenever I get wind of another indiscretion, he becomes sad, remorseful and can only say that it has nothing to do with me and that he is messed up. He becomes very distraught when I bring up separation or divorce. Well, this past Sunday, I found a woman's phone number in his wallet from a bar he visited when he was out of town. I texted her. She gave me a blow by blow of everything that happened - how he told her he wasn't married (he wasn't wearing his wedding ring), he bought her a drink and tried to pick her up. She did not end up going to his room, but she said he wanted her to. So it's not just emailing and texting and emotional attachments, he is full-on picking up women when he is out of town.

I threw him out last night. He, again, is distraught and saying that he was drunk and that he is very sorry. Clearly, he has a serious problem.

Please tell me that there is no cure for this behavior. He is doing everything possible to worm his way back. I know he is sad, but he is also a liar. I know this.


D-Day: 09/19/09
D-Day2: 10/19/13
Me: 49
WS: 45
Blended family with 5 kids

Pain is just fear leaving the body


Posts: 65 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Texas
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Short answer...You deserve better


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 499 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
lynnm1947
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You got him out--GOOD FOR YOU! Now have the gumption to keep him out. Serial philanderers are not good partner material. They're always sad and sorry--sorry you found them out. I could have saved myself many years of heartache if I'd learned this after the first bimbos!

(((houseofpain))) Be strong.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7117 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is he out of town often? He got caught this time but he seems pretty brazen. How many times has he done this and not got caught?

You kicked him out. Just grab some heafty bags and finish the job. I admire your strength.


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please tell me that there is no cure for this behavior. He is doing everything possible to worm his way back. I know he is sad, but he is also a liar. I know this.

Who cares if there is a cure? He has a history of getting caught, and then just doing it again. And he's sad? The best cure for that would've been to not screw around.

Good for you for turfing his arse to the curb! He deserves no more chances.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1666 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
FrmrBH80124
♂ Member
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has shown repeatedly that he won't change. You did the right thing to throw him out of the house. He has disrespected you multiple times. You and your kids deserve better.

Until he changes, it's time to move on. Good Luck!


ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are


Posts: 100 | Registered: Apr 2014
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She turned him down... How many others did not?

Can he change? Maybe, but he has to do it... And he seems to have no interest in changing.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2212 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
theroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 43334
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's clearly not trying to change. You deserve better.


Me: BW(45)
Him: WH (45)
4 kids
Married 22 years

D-Day #1 March 2002- 4 month EA and PA with co -worker
D-Day #2 March 2012 - inappropriate relationship with co-worker

In R


Posts: 55 | Registered: May 2014 | From: New England
Random thoughts
♀ Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your kids (his too) deserve better....they are learning from both of you, how to be a dysfunctional adults and have dysfunctional relationships.

Stop it now.


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1570 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's the only one who can change himself.

IMO, it's great that you've stopped trying to change him. This is for the best.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9744 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! This really resonates with me. Your H sounds a lot like mine. I really admire you for having the strength to do what I could not do - throw him out - for his own good, whether he knows it or not.

I have promised my H that is I ever catch him again, he is out of here. And I keep my promises.

You have done the right thing. Don't let his sniveling weaken your resolve. My H can actually cry on demand. I know that sounds harsh, but, although he does it all the time now, I remember him doing it when I begged him to let me know if he was cheating about 3 years ago (halfway into his 6-year A). Don't fall for it!!

I send you hugs and wish you luck with whatever road this takes...


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 208 | Registered: May 2014
Topic Posts: 11

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