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Newest Member: manwhocantbemove (45699)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: BH wants to talk..I am nervous.
♀ New Member
Member # 43408
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great job, SS17. That took guts but you did it.

fOW/fWW - 30.

Married to amazing new H who is not a BH and never will be.

Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2014 | From: walktheline
♂ Member
Member # 40484
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well done SS17.

Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Limbo in Oz
New Member
Member # 39281
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a longtime lurker and this is my first post. I have followed yours and SWAT's story from the beginning and I identify with you in a lot of ways. Good job tonight. I am pulling for you. <3

Posts: 9 | Registered: May 2013
♀ Member
Member # 43415
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I'm still nervous about all of this and yet I'm proud. I did it and yet nothing bad happened. He was angry and hurt before and I know he still is. But he was still sitting there after the ugly truth was on the table. I don't know how or even why. I've given him more than enough reason to kick me to the curb.

I know it doesn't mean we are together. He showed some affection, which I haven't seen from him in a while.(not blaming just stating a fact) He was kind enough to hear me out and even wants to keep talking about this. I didn't do this to win him back, that may not even be possible. It took a while but it finally sunk in. This isn't about me and what I want, but what he needs to either heal and feel safe again or to decide he has had enough.

So I sent him a email."SWAT70, first thing first. I'm sorry you had to go through that today. I would like you to know something. I appreciate what you did today. I know it was very difficult, it was for me. But I do appreciate your willingness to talk with me. Second, I'm sorry for all of the pain I've caused you. It isn't enough I know, but I am sorry. Lastly, I love you. I really do, I haven't shown it. But you have shown me unconditional love, I failed you and lost you. I lost your love and maybe worse of all your respect. But I want you to know I'm going to always work to show you how much all of that truly meant to me. Love, SS17"

BH-SWAT70 Me-39
Three kids 11,6 and 3
He did file for divorce, the marriage will be ended 10/23/14.

Posts: 255 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's scary isn't it? Seeing a glimmer of hope. Trying to keep yourself in check so your doing things for the right reasons. Letting go of the outcome.

Keep the focus on you. Doing the work. That is the absolute most important thing you can do. Become the woman you can respect and love. Love those children. And yes love SWAT too. Actions and priorities. Fix yourself. Protect and love your kids. Help him heal.

You've got this. I'm impressed and proud.

PS- the email was nice.

Make his life easier in little ways if you can without asking for validation or recognition. He is still reeling and will be angry on minute, shattered the next. He will be exhausted. That is the thing Knight says the most. "I'm just so tired." When he comes home to dinner on the table, his clothes washed and folded, and things under control it is a relief for him. I realize things are different with you and swat right now being separated but if you can find a way to take the pressure off of him without pushing his boundaries it's a good way to show him you love him.

FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️

Posts: 1509 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
♀ Member
Member # 42951
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm proud of you. Hugs, SS17.

BH: 42
WW: 37
LTA ended Jan. 1, 2014; NC started in April.
Married 17 years.
No DDay; this, like all of life's decisions, is a work in progress.

My best thinking brought me to SI.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so proud of you. (((SS17)))

FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 6022 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
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