All of the comments are hitting it right on the head. Like uhtred and see the light-
"So here we are with two young kids, I'm trying my best to R with her but can't shake the feeling that I just don't want to be married to her or anyone else ever again."
I know that I decided to R in the first place for the kids, I have decided that this is not the reason I will stay, but it does play a large role.
I have decided to once again focus on what I need and not what will make the situation comfortable. Thank you for posting the initial thread-I know it's hard to come here and post, but I have found through my ups and downs-there is always someone here that can relate and will help you.