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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: new meaning to a favorite song
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Sorry

Oh I had alot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

This time I think I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry baby.
I'm sorry baby, Yeah.
I'm sorry.

These are the lyrics to a song I have always loved..funny how now the lyrics hold such a different meaning. I listened to it on the way home from work...and then had BH listen to it. And cried.

Im beginning to think I am never going to forgive myself or even like myself ever again.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 879 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im beginning to think I am never going to forgive myself or even like myself ever again.
I remember that feeling.

What makes you think you are not worth forgiveness or liking yourself? At what point does "paying" for your transgressions help you or anyone around you? Do all us waywards deserve to pay forever? Legit questions Alyssa.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6322 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are good questions and I am glad you asked.

I don't feel like I deserve forgiveness cuz the things I did were so horrible and hurtful to all around me...mainly my BH....but not just him...what I did to my family, DD, coworkers, families I worked for, his BW, and even the shit I pulled with XAP. It was all so fucked up...I am better than that.

I know that it doesnt help anyone to continue to feel this way...that waywards shouldn't pay forever and that im only hurting myself more by dwelling and not forgiving myself...but I hate who I was.

I was thinking about it while driving to a visit for work today...in my job I am in a position where I work with families and support them and teach them interventions and strategies to strengthen their families....seriously?! What the fuck do I know about that? Im a hypocrite.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 879 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate who I was.

Who are you today Alyssa?

I'm a hypocrite.

The past hurts. You can run from it. Or learn from it. That doesn't make you a hypocrite.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6322 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good question.

Today I am a woman who is trying to move beyond my past...I am trying to cope with and understand the person I was a year ago. I am trying to find peace with it (as much as is possible) so I can learn from it, use it to grow, and make sure I am never that person again.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 879 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now go tell yourself that in the mirror. Not kidding. Get up, haul butt to the bathroom mirror, look into your eyes, and say it.

Cut yourself a little slack. This is a process. You can cry. Have a bad day. Just take care that it doesn't swallow you. In doing that, you are robbing your family of your best. You are robbing yourself of your best.

Hugs Girl.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6322 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
somethingremorse
♂ Member
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I hate who I was.

in my job I am in a position where I work with families and support them and teach them interventions and strategies to strengthen their families....seriously?! What the fuck do I know about that?

I know you hate who you were. I do too.

You can be better. It doesn't erase what you did. But as you admitted, you remember it, use it to grow. You can be a good person today. And tomorrow, and the day after that.

You know how people can fail, and how they can rebound and heal. Use that to help the people around you.

No one who is trying to get better is irredeemable. You are worth saving.


Me: WH (42)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 650 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm beginning to think I am never going to forgive myself or even like myself ever again.

ICR to this right now. Personally I'm kinda hoping it's the last stop before Forgiving Myself station. Because even though I've stepped up to the window and purchased the ticket, I haven't managed to step off the platform. This is, I think, a necessary step in our journey. When you're going through hell, keep going.

Shrink #2 says I'm "just human" like anyone else. He says there's no such thing as a perfect person, therefore I am not flawed...just human. While I accept his premise logically, I haven't yet embraced it emotionally.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Twenty
yeah I agree....I know im only human....but thats not a good enough reason for me. When I confessed the truth about my A to my boss (when I worked at the daycare) she basically knew who the AP was before I said his name.....not because it was obvious or anything, but because months before that...I think around Christmas he has been sending messages to one of the single moms at the daycare; it made her nervous and suspicious enough that she told my boss about it.

My point is he approached someone else and she was smart enough to ignore his advances....she realized it was inappropriate. I on the other hand, went into the other direction. :(


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 879 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 9

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