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User Topic: My DD has been cheated on. She's jfo. I need help pls
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are doing great under the circumstances...frankly, i envy you; I don't know if I could have such restraint.

Seems my vivid imagination is far far more cruel than I ever imagined it could be as this guy has been hit by a grand piano (Laurel and Hardy stylie); has been thrown into a pool of alligators with blunt teeth and a hunger for human flesh and has been run over with a ten ton truck!! And that is all before I went to sleep last night!

I don't know what the ettiquette is regarding knowing who family members are but she does not know that I am MrsD but she may work it out... I guess all you guys will work out who she is so- if you do- treat her gently.... she is well into the betrayed fogginess right now.

And I shall avoid posting on her threads.

I really thought that her 'pick 'em' radar was solid after what me and FWH went through as it hit her really hard at the time and for a long while after. I thought she had men sussed so am a bit upset how this one slipped under her creepazoid radar!

And a part of me blames myself as I wonder whether we played a part in her subconsciously picking someone who would do this? Does that make sense or am I just sleep deprived?! (Yes- sleep and eating patterns askew once more... it's like when a husband gets a phantom pregnancy I suppose!)


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1583 | Registered: Jul 2009
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seems my vivid imagination is far far more cruel than I ever imagined it could be as this guy has been hit by a grand piano (Laurel and Hardy stylie); has been thrown into a pool of alligators with blunt teeth and a hunger for human flesh and has been run over with a ten ton truck!! And that is all before I went to sleep last night!
- I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but I used to have the same type of thinking with regard to FWH. I thought I was the only one...LOL.

We will not say anything referring to you by your screen name unless you choose to tell her. And I am sure we will treat her gently...but remember, sometimes we have to throw gentle 2x4s - not to be cruel, but to help her see the other side. As you know, most SI members want to see couples R, but have to outline the guidelines to do so...after all, one-sided R never works. So I'm sure she won't hear the "kick his ass to the curb" comment in JFO.

I really thought that her 'pick 'em' radar was solid after what me and FWH went through as it hit her really hard at the time and for a long while after. I thought she had men sussed so am a bit upset how this one slipped under her creepazoid radar!

It's different when you are in the sitch yourself...the rose-colored glasses go right on. It's hard to face it at first...believe me, when I joined SI and got my first 2x4s, I was pissed. But after I had time to think, I took all of the advice...I was in the BS fog big time!

And a part of me blames myself as I wonder whether we played a part in her subconsciously picking someone who would do this? Does that make sense or am I just sleep deprived?! (Yes- sleep and eating patterns askew once more... it's like when a husband gets a phantom pregnancy I suppose!)

Stop that!! This is in NO WAY your fault!! Your DD is a grown woman. And look how her WH portrayed himself - he was the perfect guy! You and your H liked him, right? Maybe part of you feels "duped" again and you're pissed (rightfully so)...but again, none of it is your fault!

Hugs!!


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. and 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5072 | Registered: May 2007
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read this entire thread for the first time, and I don't know what to say; so amy wise people here have shared such intelligent, thoughtful advice. I just feel for you and what you are going through as a mother and as a woman who has experienced this very thing and world SO hard to get through it. All I can say is that it is so apparent that she is an incredibly lucky woman to have you in her life, and in her corner. Since she is your daughter, she comes from strong stock and will absolutely get through this. And of course as another you have come to worry how you may have contributed to her getting here, but PLEASE understand that you did not! This is NOT your fault. ((HUGS))) to all of you. I have nothing to offer, I am just sending you strength and love….


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 642 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to add my "ditto" to everyone else. I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through this (and your FWH as well!)

You are doing wonderfully - and I'm so glad your DD has decided to try SI for some "unbisaed" support.

I just wanted to ditto the ditto to Holly's post, and add that I had a similar experiance to your DD when I was engaged to my XWH. I found e-mails between XWH and a friend talking about how XWH had been propositioned for the threesome, and how he had wished he hadn't turned it down.

My XWH said all the same things - it was all just talk, trying to look like the "big man" etc - it was a HUGE freaking red flag waving in my face that I ignored -- and I married him anyway. Then 5 years later is DD - for a year long EA/PA.

I don't know if he every cheated before that - but I have a strong feeling he did (not that I matter for me at this point) -- that e-mail was my sign -- the sign of all those things that Holly pointed out - -and I didn't know enough to see them for what they were. I pray your DD sees the light - whether or not he actaully did it - or not.


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
Artemisia
♀ Member
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Mrs D, I've been following this thread. I want to jump on here and cheer you on in your support of your DD.

This thread resonates particularly because it was my mom who got me through my darkest days. I can't imagine how devastating it was for her to see me like I was. But no matter what, she listened to me say the same things over and over and held me and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. And she just kept telling me I could do it. In that way, you really can help her get through this, even though it will be her own strength that shines through in the end.

Keep going with your amazing self!


Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
Alonelyagain
♂ Member
Member # 32820
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To follow-up on what Holly-Isis said, I think that it is a further red flag that he has mates that engage in, encourage, accept and/or condone such behavior in the first place.

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New Jersey
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys. She's posted here and is receiving superb advice of which I am eternally grateful.

She also now knows who I (mrsD) am thanks to a slip up by me but no matter.

She's now in a safe environment where I know she will be looked after, hugged and led through the s**t that is infidelity.


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1583 | Registered: Jul 2009
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's now in a safe environment where I know she will be looked after, hugged and led through the s**t that is infidelity.

I was so glad to see this - and she is receiving excellent advice and support!


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. and 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5072 | Registered: May 2007
Topic Posts: 48
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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