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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New and Confused
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She won't even undress/dress in front of me now. She shuts the door and changes!!
Have you asked you about going to IC seriously?

Have you asked her why she hides everything on her cell?

You can get another gps tracker and hide it in her car.

Considering how she is acting, it does look like a divorce unless she goes to IC and figures out just what her problem is.

You could talk to her parents and see what they think.

At this point, doing something is better than just living this way.


Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jun 2002
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurt4life

She told me about a mo ago that she loved me differently than I loved her and that I deserved someone that loved me bk as much as so love her. That I was too good of a person to be with her!

You need to let your wife go. She does not love you. She does not respect you.

She is a liar and a cheater.
But worse than that; she is a coward.

A coward that will never be honest with you.

So do yourself and her a big favor.

Let her go.

You will both be a lot happier. I admire your courage and faith. But she deserves neither.

HM


Posts: 906 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear all of this. You are going to be a wreck until you take control of your life. Not sure of divorce laws where you live, but when she makes that idiot statement to you that "we dont have to split money yet" your answer should be "Oh yes we do, i am done, and you need to get an attorney or go to mediation now with me"
You are being disrespected and humilitated and only you can change that. If you dont she will continue to feed you the terrible shit sandwich you are getting.
I honestly do not know what proof you need. She is basically flaunting it in your face. If it is all a mistake, once you file she will come to her senses.
Not likely to happen though.
Start dishing out some punishment and you will feel better. This will effect your health if you continue like this. At this point it is self preservation. You must act and soon.

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
hntr4life
♂ New Member
Member # 43771
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, June 18th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everybody for all the comments today!

I agree it is time for a change. I guess I'm just scared. I'm scared for the unknown, scared for my child, just I thought that when we took those vows that this wld never be us.

I gotta get some sleep now while I can. I'll be in touch tomorrow with more drama or other things as they cross my mind.

Once again that you all so much for all your help!

It really means a lot for a confused, scared, and overly anxious person.....


Posts: 16 | Registered: Jun 2014
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't appear to have even a semblance of a marriage now, and maybe haven't for over two years. Get a little selfish. Ask yourself what's in it for you. Is this what you want a child to see as normal? Do you enjoy being in a three person relationship? Is WW living at your expense and providing OM with the benefits of her companionship?

Start getting ready for separation. See a lawyer to learn rights and responsibilities, and to get an idea of the process. Start doing things for yourself such as gym, hobby, etc. don't tell her you're seeing a lawyer, either.

Have you exposed the A to family and friends? Forget vows as she has voided them. They are no reason to stay married to a blatant cheater. Let OM take care of her living arrangements.

Your M is over. Accept that. Detach from her. The sooner you do, the less trauma you'll deal,with.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
hntr4life
♂ New Member
Member # 43771
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK! Todays another highly anxious day for me....I never know when I wake up how my anxiety will be, but this morning its tough....

The wife talked my head off this morn about all kinds of things from yesterday. Some days she does that and some days she don't.

Anyway, in one of my weak moments I asked her if she was wearing her wedding ring today(which means all day at work) and she said "ugh, yes!, you are getting on my nerves already!!!!"

I noticed when she got home last night from work that she didn't have it on. I've always thought that she puts it on when she leaves the house and then takes it off when she gets to work.....Of course I have no proof of that, but that's my mind running again..........

Of course I do know that a ring doesn't "really" mean anything physically, but I just guess I like to see it and think it does.....


Posts: 16 | Registered: Jun 2014
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"ugh, yes!, you are getting on my nerves already!!!!"
You are getting on her nerves because she wants to continue going out with other guys.

Why didnt you ask her the other night when she came home, where her wedding ring was.

You have got to take control of your life. She is running you ragged with her talking about nothing.

You need her to talk about certain things and all she does is talk about nothing. She is not concerned about anything you are concerned about, and the second you bring up something that concerns you, she turns on you with that nonsense.

Find a way to take control of this situation to the point her shtuff doesnt bother you.


Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jun 2002
hntr4life
♂ New Member
Member # 43771
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know she is running me ragged and this is compounding my anxiety issues that I already have. I take a small dose of med daily anyways for my overactive anxiety, but there's now way that this compares. But, then again I don't want to be a med taker and try to cover up this issue with a stronger anxiety med......

My main concern and hold up now is my child. He's such a tender heart and loves us both so much, and I truly believe that if I wasn't the one stirring all of this up right now my wife would continue on in this situation just like this for the rest of our lives....

And that makes me feel like I'm letting my child down. I know that's jacked up logic, but that's my true and honest feelings.

But, then on the other hand, I'm not like some that would just settle to be miserable their whole life for their child's sake either...I have a current family member like that now.....

So my emotions are wild and stay wild....

I just about have my courage built up to go talk with a lawyer and then 5 mins later, I just chicken out...(simply for my child's sake)

Let me still say though that I still want to R, but im wearing thin......


Posts: 16 | Registered: Jun 2014
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go to Just Found Out forum. Look for four threads with targets. Read them carefully. Learn from the many voices of experience here. Take action, don't be reactive. She is poison now for you and your child. She's checked out and isn't your friend, much less your wife.

Congrats....you just got your first SI 2x4.

Detach, detach, detach, and see a lawyer for your information so you have less fear if divorce occurs. Many here will advise contacting other wife (OW).

[This message edited by Schadenfreude at 5:06 PM, June 19th (Thursday)]


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
hntr4life
♂ New Member
Member # 43771
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW I'm pretty sure has checked out because her facebook profile show's her with another guy with comments of "so glad you're finally happy"....

Posts: 16 | Registered: Jun 2014
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just about have my courage built up to go talk with a lawyer and then 5 mins later, I just chicken out.
Talk to a lawyer. That does not mean you're filing just because you talked to a lawyer.

Talk to a lawyer and find out everything you need to know. What's next, what are your rights as a father...everything.

Others on here can give you a complete list of questions to have before you talk to a lawyer.

Just talking to a lawyer will give you control back and power. Knowledge is power. And power takes away anxiety.


Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jun 2002
ZedLeppelin
♂ Member
Member # 40895
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you reached out to friends and family for support?

With respect, you are hiding behind your son and allowing your anxiety & wife's behavior to overrun you. It is clear that she openly has no respect for you.

Having anxieties/illnesses does not make you less of a man. You have them for a reason and they can be very overwhelming/taxing. However, if you feel that this is too overwhelming, then get help. Surround yourself with people who will be in your corner supporting you. Maybe a parent can accompany you to the lawyer etc. If there are no family around, then go to IC. An understanding counselor may accompany you to the lawyer, if you ask.

For what its worth i am in your corner whether you choose to reconcile or move on. However the current situation is unacceptable. Start IC for yourself and vent/get out as much as you can. (Where is your anger?!?!)

Once again: you have been given advice by multiple people. Only you can actually do something about it.

Good Luck.


Posts: 202 | Registered: Oct 2013
10yearsafter
♂ Member
Member # 43139
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what to tell you. MAN UP! She is running all over you.

She does not respect you get the D paper and give them to her.

Since she is not in the marriage and taking advantage of you tell her to move out and you don't want your child around a lying cheater.

Just do something have some self respect you don't need to be a needless casualty on this battlefield.

You must do something. Ask her for her phone. If she has nothing to hide she will give it to you if she does not then tell her I know your are cheating and I want you gone.

Do something stop licking your wounds and fight!


Posts: 225 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Texas
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe you'll understand what we're al trying to say if I tell it by analogy.

You are in a blind on opening day. An 8 pointer is coming your way. You have your rifle loaded. The buck is just meandering your way. You start to think and have doubts. What if he never comes,into range? What if there is a tree branch in my line of fire if he comes into range? What if I miss?

Do these thoughts make you click the safety on and put the rifle down? Of course not. Maybe those things will happen,,but they don't stop you from using your hunting skills, carefully aiming and gently squeezing the trigger, do they? If the hunting gods are,with you, you've just bagged an eight pointer. If not, you've learned something about hunting.

Going to the lawyers office is like going to that deer blind early in the morning. And getting your firearm ready to use.
Detaching is like aiming and squeezing the trigger. Are you guaranteed the kill shot you want and hope for? No, but if you're not prepared and don't use your hunting skills, you are guaranteed to fail.

You cannot continue to do what you are doing and expect a,favorable result.to use another hunting analogy,,she is the Road Runner and you are Wyl E Coyote right now. Try as you might with whatever tools of persuasion you use, you'll never catch her. She's gone,,except for eating cake,at your expense.

P.S. I hope I'm reading your screen name properly.

[This message edited by Schadenfreude at 2:58 PM, June 20th (Friday)]


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 34
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