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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: friends of marriage
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A thread in Recon has me thinking about why my best friend dropped my like a hot potato when she knew about my affair. She knew about it for about 2 weeks before I confessed to my BS. However, that was enough for her to see what an awful position she had been put in.

If she told him, I would be mad, if she didn't, she would be harboring a secret. Duh. No wonder. She couldn't be a friend of mine and a friend of our marriage anymore. I ruined that for her by confiding in her and being a general immoral dumbass.

That was 4 years ago. She has no idea the shit that went down after that. And, she was kinda wise to the world, she probably knew there'd be all kinds of drama too.

I miss her a lot. All kinds of loss when there is infidelity....

[This message edited by rachelc at 4:23 PM, June 20th (Friday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5494 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Restartting
♀ Member
Member # 32825
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rachel, are you sure this friendship has to be lost? Have you tried reaching out to her? Apologizing for putting her in that position? It might not yield any result, but, then again, it might make a world a difference. I think it might be worth a try.


Me: BS 35
Him: FWS 43
DDay 7/1/2011
I'm sad there's a typo in my username. I write on my ipad and edit for typos.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Jul 2011
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, June 20th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's really tough.

Crazz confided in two of his friends, both of whom were in our wedding. They both told him to "knock it off", and that was that. When I found out after DDay that they knew, I was both pissed at them for not doing something, and pissed at them for still being friends with Crazz.

After some time passed, I observed that one of his friends was really supportive of us working it out and went out of his way to try and be helpful and uplifting to our family. In a bit of a turnaround, I was grateful for him after that.

The other friend, who was Crazz's best man, avoided ME after Dday, but his mom "inexplicably" reached out to us to help with Vrazz if we needed - which we did. She was our babysitter while we went to MC, which was a huge help.

I was really upset and not considering this guy a friend of the marriage, but the night before his own wedding he cornered me and begged my forgiveness for his lack of involvement. It was a very emotional night, but the fence was somewhat mended.

I think that with lifelong friends there may a chance to revisit what happened and try and move on together. Do you think you can reach out to her to talk?


"Sometimes people are mean, and sometimes things will be hard. One of your jobs is to try and make sure that that never makes you mean and hard, too." Cord Jefferson's Mom

Posts: 18283 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, June 21st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't tried. IT was like she wanted nothing to do with me. And it was done in a very odd way. Hubby wrote something loving on my facebook page and she just blew up.

Part of me thinks she was a BS, never told me, and can't stand being friends with an OW.

I should still at least apologize to her and let go of the outcome.....


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5494 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, June 21st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

rachelc, you are probably right about her being a BS given her reaction. I don't think you have anything to lose in writing her a letter. She may not respond but it might bring both of you peace.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2590 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 5

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