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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WW has a BF who she wants to spend the night while DD at home
imdimd74
♂ Member
Member # 37667
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're going to start overnights at my place next weekend.

The reason for the delay (whether it's valid or not) wasn't so much transition to being with me overnight as it was being away from her mother in a new place. I frequently spend the night with her at the marital home when WW has to go out of town for work. In any case, WW and I talked on Monday and we both agreed it's time to start the overnights now.

We went to our couples therapist (who we go to now for assistance in communicating and co-parenting, not to figure out if we're getting divorced) on Monday AM, and our therapist couldn't say to not have the new BF stay the night with DD in the house. She could only stress the importance of doing everything possible to make it look like the new BF is just another friend (eg, he gets up and dressed before DD wakes up, etc). Our therapist is pretty objective and we both trust her opinion.

In any case, I've brought my attorney up to speed on the situation, and we're going to talk soon and discuss filing.


Me: BH 40
Her: WW 38
M: 5 yrs T: 8.5 yrs
DDay1: late August 2012
Dday2?: Feb 2013
A: EA? >2yrs?
DD: 3 years

Posts: 56 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: East Coast
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While introducing a new BF matter of factly seems like a good approach, I find it odd that an MC would not suggest that at TWO MONTHS into a relationship, introducing a child to a guy who might disappear next month is .... potentially hazardous to the child.

Frankly, this is a discussion for the pediatrician, not a MC, anyway. Your daughter's doctor is the one with your daughter's interest at heart.

I'm glad overnights are starting with you. THat's great progress. The notion that overnight at Daddy's is somehow traumatic, while having some strange dude overnight in the house (and trust me, no two-year-old is NOT going to figure out that the guy is sleeping in what was Daddy's place--let's not underestimate children here) is okay.

At least half of the equation has been balanced appropriately.

(I think your MC is wrong about this. I don't think s/he is the right person to consult regarding the potential effects on your child. I don't know that it's in any way enforceable, but perhaps if your wife heard from someone QUALIFIED to render an opinion, she would rethink this idiocy.)


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9014 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
FirstLoveGone
♀ Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with solus - an MC is not qualified to ascertain whether this is OK for your DD (BF spending the night). I think a child therapist would have a very different opinion on this. I am 100% certain my DD's therapist would say this is a bad idea.

Posts: 1278 | Registered: Oct 2009
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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