My WH didn't cheat, per se, but he did go to another woman behind my back, and lie about it to me for over an hour. It kinda feels like the same thing, at this point :(
The other night, we were hanging out with my best friend when I grabbed DH's phone to look something up. I had this compulsion to go through his phone... and sure enough, found evidence that he was texting with a former friend of ours, who is no longer our friend for a very good reason, which I have posted on here about. She is an OW and felt the need to brag about it to me. After much agonizing, I told her MM's wife. Her MM texted me relentlessly, threatening my life, calling me names and saying horrible things to me. I had to have his number blocked and I cut the "friend" out of my life completely.
Well, almost 7 months ago, my DD and I were in a horrific car accident. A man fell asleep at the wheel and hit me head-on, doing almost 70mph. We were both hurt very badly, and I had to have several surgies. I'm still pretty badly injured and am in the process of planning 3-4 additional surgeries. I have chronic pain and it's been a rough road.
A few days ago, I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I was very scared, because I have a torn labrum in my hip amongst other injuries, and am on narcotic pain killers to manage my pain. I told my WH while he was at work.
According to him, he wigged out and needed someone to talk to. He chose this woman, the one who has no problem going after married men, and who's boyfriend THREATENED MY LIFE. THAT is who he felt was the best person to go to. They texted all evening and then he deleted the messages, but I found evidence of them on his phone.
I stepped outside as not to make things awkward for my best friend who was over. He followed me and I asked him why he was talking to the girl. He SWORE up and down that he hadn't talked to her in almost a year. I kept pressing him, and I could tell that he was lying. He is an absolutely HORRIBLE liar. It then changed to, she messaged him after the car accident to ask about me. I knew that wasn't true, as these messages were recent (I hadn't checked the date when I discovered them, I had that punched in the gut feeling and panicked). My friend went home, and I pressed him further. I asked for his phone,and realized that he deleted her name and number, in an effort to hide the evidence. He couldn't figure out where I discovered the evidence of text messages. I found the evidence, but now her name was gone from it. I asked him again, and this time he tried to tell me he didn't know who he texted for 5 hours, back and forth. Okay, that doesn't make sense, duh. THEN he tells me that it was probably someone he works with... who lives in a different area code
By that point, I just keep saying " Now, do you want to tell me what REALLY happened?" and "Tell me why you are talking to her" over and over and over. I gave him 8 or 9 times to come clean, and he stuck to his story. He made ME seem like an absolute loon to be accusing him of such a thing.
Finally, he came clean. It wasn't so much the fact that he went to her, as how viciously he clung to the lie. That is what gutted me. I truly thought we were past this, but this is just more evidence of how WH has no healthy boundaries. He swears it was innocent. I don't know what to believe.
I'm tired. I haven't slept much in the past 2 nights. I don't know what to do. I know I can't keep going through this. I'm worth more than this, and despite my physical limitations, I take care of 3 young children, cook and clean. I'm sick of being WH's doormat. I'm sick of him disrespecting me, and him not taking the appropriate steps to fix himself.
I'm just so scared. I'm a stay at home mom, and have been for 8 years. I can't even work right now because of my injuries. I'm scared to go through my surgeries alone. I'm scared to ruin my kids' childhood. I'm so torn. I love WH but I won't be his emotional punching bag. When we started R, I told him just one more time and I was gone. I have to stick to that, don't I?
I'm so lost.BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3
On the fence... do I stay or do