We were going to try R, but he refused to cut all ties with her saying I was crazy because they are only friends. A week ago, he moved in with her saying I forced him out and he has no where else to go. Something happened with them and he stayed only one night. He begged to come home and I wouldn't let him because the only reason he wanted to come back was because she ditched him. Had his plan worked, he would have forgotten me already. For three days he pleaded, saying he loved me and made a mistake. Sure enough, this week we accepted an offer on our house and guess who's back? And the pleading has stopped and turned to hostility. i.e. Monday he said he loved me so much he would die for me, Tuesday she's back and Friday he called me a dumb c@nt.
For reasons I do not understand, I feel heartbroken. I think of him having fun with her and how he treated me like nothing all these years. Yesterday was the first day I've had no contact with him. I made the mistake of looking at their facebook and yesterday they took her dog to a creek to play complete with pictures and a cute little "inside joke" post on her wall. Our 26th anniversary was last week on the day we accepted the offer on the house we've lived in for 23 years. It was a terrible emotional day and I really wanted to talk to him. He told me to call, but then refused to answer. She literally lives next to my workplace and of course, that's where he spent our anniversary. I can't seem to let go. I wonder all the time if he is there. I picture him talking and laughing and touching her, when he has wanted nothing to do with me for so long. I just want to forget about him, but I can't. When I'm at work, because of their proximity, it is very difficult for me not look to see if his car is there. He left me for her, why can't I seem to get it into my head that he does not want me or our kids?! Please tell me how you got through this. How did you let go? I can't seem to turn off the fact the he is no longer my husband (well technically he is until the divorce is final). It is making me crazy and miserable. He has been so bad to me and I should be glad he did me a favor. But it is the ultimate rejection and I can't get past the hurt. We haven't been happy for a long time. But it feels unfair that he is so happy with her and I feel like I will never be. I am miserable and he is having fun with her. I feel stupid.
The answer is TIME. Take the time to work on healing you and your children. Love yourself, love your children and in time your happiness will return and it will be real happiness. I was married for about the same amount of time as you, I too was devastated by the A's and the D. I can tell you I am happier now in so any ways than I have ever been .
But she's younger than me, thinner and more attractive and apparently a lot more fun than me.
Choices about R and D are hard choices to make. Your wh obviously isn't interested in fixing himself and if you haven't already done so get to an attorney ASAP. You have to quit worrying about what is best for him, it is all about you and your children now! File for D to protect you and your children.
In reading your post there so many obvious problems with your wh. But, as a man, a dad, a brother, a son; any man that calls any women let alone the mother of his children a c@nt is such a worthless piece of $h!t that he isn't worth holding on to!
I wish you and your children the very best!
4 kids all adults.
Married 22+ years.
I have moved on and life is good!
It may take a while, but once you realize how much better off you are without him, you will let go.
I've also heard really good things about "Journey From Abandonment to Healing" but I never read that one.
Good luck -- I know this is so tough. But better things do await you once you heal!!!
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo