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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Oh God! It's happened again...7 years later.
Shattered031307
♀ Member
Member # 13986
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your responses - I am not one to be childish as I was in my second post. At least not out loud.

I slept for half the day because I was up all night looking for evidence. I do not think that I want to reconcile this time around. Nothing is in stone but that just doesn't seem a wise thing thing to do when I've been in hell for the last 3 years and he has done this again . You ladies gave me some great sport and some important things to think about. I haven't confronted him yet and don't plan to unt I leave I file. I do not want revenge or to take himy to the cleaners, I just want out in a way that my kids are loved and as unaffected as possible. I'm off work for now...this is very good. Thanks for the support and I'm sorry I was snotty.


BW:43, WH:51 (worked in Saudi Arabia for the last 3 yrs), OW1-7 yrs ago, OW2-now (works in Saudi too) DD:19, DS:17, Married 18, together 20.
For me, it's not about her this time; the coward left the marriage 3 yrs ago & didn't tell me.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Virginia
Shattered031307
♀ Member
Member # 13986
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D-Day... I forced him to tell me about the OW...long lengthy process...he met her and has been with her for over 2 years, she even lives with him. He said he has been unhappy since the first affair 8 years ago and that he feels "we've been done" since then. I am gut-punched. That weak son of evil couldnt just end it.....I openly gave him chances for a divorce. So, I could have this part of my life well on to a new course. I'm digusted and saddened by my culpability.

I will survive and prevail. Prayers to all of us in the club.


BW:43, WH:51 (worked in Saudi Arabia for the last 3 yrs), OW1-7 yrs ago, OW2-now (works in Saudi too) DD:19, DS:17, Married 18, together 20.
For me, it's not about her this time; the coward left the marriage 3 yrs ago & didn't tell me.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Virginia
saturnpatrick
♂ Member
Member # 35989
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am gut-punched just reading this. Good luck Shattered. I don't think I would R given your circumstances either.


BH
I typo therefore I edit.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Jun 2012
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 2:06 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs))) so very selfish of him. I am sorry. You will get through this, you know that right? There is no shame in what you did, trying to make it work and believing he was worthy of a second chance. I am so sorry he was not worthy. NOT your shame to bear.

And nothing snotty for feeling ignored when you are hurting. You have every right to your feelings and to voice them!!!

((more hugs))


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5907 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 5:25 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry (((((Shattered)))))


He said he has been unhappy since the first affair 8 years ago and that he feels "we've been done" since then.

I wanted to throw something when I read this -- it is the height of selfishness. If you were really "done" he should have left - like a man with honor would do. This kind of justification makes my head spin.

One silver lining - because you've been on your own for so long - you know you can stand on your own two feet and handle anything that life thows at you -- that gives you power. I'm so so sorry you are going through this again.

I'm digusted and saddened by my culpability

No! This is not on you! You gave him a gift -- he chose to lie, and betray you. That is a problem with HIM not you. You made the best desisions you could make at the time. Now you know more - and can choose a different path if that's what you want.


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
Jomarion
♀ Member
Member # 43659
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cannot imagine what it must be like for you, Shattered. Any one of those things you are going through in and of themselves are enough to take the very breath out of anybody.

I am sorry to say this, and I don't usually, but he is a totally insensitive SHIT.

The geographical distance between you two must make it very very hard for you, I cannot imagine.

One thing that I can offer that helped me when I have been in trauma (I had a child, a still born, whom I carried dead inside me, and gave birth to my dead child at home, alone) And in my unimaginable grief and anger afterwards, this helped me:

I wrote down three things each day I was grateful for. Very brief, took almost no time. It was always little things : the slant of light on a puddle in the street, the smile of a child I saw in the shop, the way my dog wagged his tail when I came home. Sometimes really stupid stuff. And years later, when I read those lists, I remember the pain, but I also remember the little, almost insignificant good things that were in my life at that very same time. And they helped me to heal, those little things.

There is still peace inside of you, waiting to comfort. You will survive this.

My prayers are with you.


me:BGF, 54, American immigrant. one son. me and my ex get along great, the most amicable split imaginable!
him:WBF,43, Polish immigrant
together since 2006,
DDay:October28,2009,after his 3 teen kids push him to cheat with OW.
5 betrayed me

Posts: 192 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Shattered)))

He is quite broken. I hope you can see through the pain, and start making you and your kids your priority now.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8790 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
inknots
♀ Member
Member # 22132
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Shattered, I am so sorry. This is behind despicable. What a cruel, cowardly thing for him to do. You are worth so much more and I believe that once you are free from him, life is going to lead you places where you can find the happiness you deserve.

Posts: 911 | Registered: Dec 2008
Shattered031307
♀ Member
Member # 13986
Content  Posted: 10:09 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, my cup runneth over with so many of your responses. Thank you all. The clarity your words open up in my head and ease the dreadful pain in my chest are so helpful. I keep reading them over and over. Many have especially touched me at different times today - as I seem to be speed-spiraling through emotional stages over and over - I will soon get a more personal message out again.

For now, I feel 50% better than the last 24 hours. THAT is huge! I think I may just breathe for a while and be glad in an unswollen face for the time being.

Thank you all, my beautiful friends.


BW:43, WH:51 (worked in Saudi Arabia for the last 3 yrs), OW1-7 yrs ago, OW2-now (works in Saudi too) DD:19, DS:17, Married 18, together 20.
For me, it's not about her this time; the coward left the marriage 3 yrs ago & didn't tell me.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Virginia
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there Shattered.

Your H is one selfish man. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. False R sucks, as you well know. I hope the very best for you and I'm glad you can give a 50% smile. Not to be negative but keep in mind the roller coaster. It might go up and down a bit for you. Just keep reading and posting, OK?

Big hugs.


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6156 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((shattered))

I'm sorry that this is happening again. I also had a 2nd D-Day that was 2 years after the first - it was so very painful.

However, it gave me the ability to know that I had given the marriage everything that I could, and that he was truly screwed up.

Hang in there. Eat, drink, and make yourself a priority in your life.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7817 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Topic Posts: 31
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