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Newest Member: lookingforhope79 (45081)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: grrrr....
dana47
♀ Member
Member # 43711
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure this is common. I have my ups and downs. Some days I'm confident and happy at home. Other days I miss AP. Trying to remind myself of AP's annoying/lying/arrogant behaviors. Need to focus on all the wonderful attributes my hubby has.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Jun 2014
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What work are you doing to identify the void in yourself that you want the AP to fill?


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just bumped a thread for you.

I don't have any BTDT advice for you. There was no problem for me to snap out of it after the first week. Anytime a thought of any AP is triggered my brain automatically switches to sadness about how that person's existence hurts my BH. He means more to me than any other person in the world (with the exception of the small part of myself I like).

I do not miss the APs, the false promises, or the false validation. I feel worse now than I did before they all started. It wasn't worth it, and I wouldn't go back. Not for anything.


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2013
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS here.
Our MC told my husband early on that when he felt like he was missing AP, he should remind himself what he missed was how he felt, or kind of the "high" of the affair, rather than her. And you know really, that was very, very true.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2004 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
dana47
♀ Member
Member # 43711
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great advice. Thank you. Filling the void...this has been a long journey for me. I had a difficult childhood. I come from a long line of addicts. : ( 3 years ago our family suffered a big tragedy. That was the BIG trigger fir me. Working on it. Just yesterday I was cleaning out our closet and was able to toss out a "keepsake" from my lost loved one. Progress. Letting go takes time.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Jun 2014
ImSorry11
♀ New Member
Member # 43517
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand how you feel. My withdrawal was ugly. I had to keep telling myself that I liked the way AP made me FEEL not the AP himself. I remind myself that the A was like being on meth/heroin.....felt amazing at the time but was very harmful and destructive. My loyal loving amazing husband is 10000 times the man AP will ever be. My BH is so much better looking, has integrity, intelligence, patience, loyalty, etc.

Big giant hugs. Just wanted to let you know that I can relate as I struggle with this too.


Me: WW 31
Him: BH 34
DDay 5/23/14, 4 month EA/PA
Married 8 years Together 11
3 Beautiful Kiddos under 7

Posts: 42 | Registered: May 2014
SelfishHusband
♂ Member
Member # 43174
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same as Wayflost. I'll add that AP also used you for their own selfish needs. It wasn't love. It wasn't special. It wasn't unique. It wasn't real. And it could've happened with anyone other than me. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it happened before with someone else. It was broken, wrong, dysfunctional. Sadness, resentment, maybe a little anger at their contribution in helping me mess up all of our lives. Nothing to miss, certainly.


Me: FWH (39)
Her: BW (34)
DDay 1: March 2013 (EA/PA that *I* rugswept)
DDay 2: April 2014 (PA with double betrayal. OW was wife's friend)
Married: 13 Years
1 Handsome and Amazing Son (10)
MC and IC for 2.5 months-ish. Currently stopped.

Posts: 333 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 7

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